


Metanoia

by peachysupreme



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space Opera, F/F, Human AU, Implied/Referenced Torture, Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-09-20 19:52:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 63,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9510395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachysupreme/pseuds/peachysupreme
Summary: Jasper is a soldier of the Imperium. Its sovereignty extends to all but The Rebellion, a group of extremists that have been a small but persistent thorn in its side for over a century. When Jasper captures a Rebel assassin, she begins to learn of things that put everything she accepted as truth into question. (Human AU)





	1. Chapter 1

Jasper recognized the Pearl the moment she saw her pointing a blaster at her General’s head. She was crouched on the floor and aiming through an air vent left partially open, so focused she didn’t notice Jasper watching. Her General was in the room below, entirely oblivious. Pearl’s finger moved to the trigger.

Jasper’s heart was in her throat and all of a sudden, she was moving, leaping forward and tackling the Pearl. They crashed to the ground. The Pearl kicked her hard in the side and tried to wriggle away, hands outstretched toward the blaster that was clattering on the steel floor, face twisted in a determined grimace. Jasper grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the ground. She made a frustrated sound and kept struggling.

Suddenly, a trapdoor nearby was thrown open and they were awash in the yellow light from below. Soldiers poured in. All Jasper could hear was the rushing of the blood in her ears. All she could see were the Pearl’s cold eyes, staring up at her unblinkingly.

They were the same eyes who stared down at her piteously when she was too weak to move, burned into her mind as the last thing she saw before it all went dark. She was the same Pearl who had left her to die months before on an alien planet. The same Pearl who was at the top of the Rebellion. The same Pearl who went against everything Jasper stood for.

Jasper’s grip on her tightened.

Jasper knew, vaguely, that her General was yelling, but everything felt muffled and distant. The words didn’t register. Something struck her on the back of the head and all of a sudden, she was thrown back into reality, the noise and chaos of the world rushing back into focus. She finally looked up.

They were surrounded by soldiers on all sides. Before her stood her General, still yelling, holding her blaster at her side. She realized that was what she had been hit with.

“B-6xG, listen to me when I am speaking to you!”

Jasper sat up straighter instantly, still keeping the Pearl pinned. “Yes, General. It won’t happen again, General.”

The corner of her General’s lip curled. “You Betas are so useless. I asked you what _this_ ,” she spat the word at the Pearl, jabbing the toe of her boot into her head, “is doing on my ship.”

Jasper gestured to the blaster. “I found her pointing that at you, General. She’s an assassin.”

The General guffawed. “A Pearl? An assassin?” She knelt down and grabbed the Pearl by the hair, turning her face toward the light. The Pearl glared up at her. As soon as The General could clearly see her face, she recoiled, dropping her head like she had been burned.

“You… _You_!” Her face was a mixture of shock and disgust. “You’re the renegade Pearl from a hundred years ago! You’re the one that started this rebellion!” And then she came closer again and smirked. “I haven’t seen you in decades. I figured all you did now was keep Rose Quartz’s bed warm-”

The Pearl sprang to life, kicking Jasper hard in the ribs and fighting against her fiercely. Jasper tried to pull her back but the Pearl retaliated, hitting her face hard enough that her head snapped back and she fell away, disoriented. She felt someone grab hold of her before she hit the floor. Her sight cleared just in time to see the Pearl dive for her blaster, arms outstretched.

The General was faster.

“NO!”

The bang the Pearl’s head made as it collided with the floor resonated through the hull. The General was crouching over her, boot planted on her back, hand pinning her head to the ground. Removing her hand, she pressed the blaster against her skull and stood. The Pearl groaned, wincing, and tried to cradle her head in her hands. The General’s finger slid to the trigger and she froze.

“Don’t try anything again or you won’t have a head left,” She growled. Her gaze only lingered on the Pearl for a moment before she whipped around toward Jasper. The hands supporting her immediately dropped away. “You imbecile! How could you let her go?! She’s half your size!”

Jasper dropped to the ground and knelt before her. “I’m sorry, General. It was an oversight.”

“Useless,” she spat again. When Jasper didn’t move, the General smacked her with her free hand. Jasper was on her feet in an instant.  “What are you waiting for? Restrain her!”

Jasper did so without hesitation. She could feel the Pearl’s glare boring into her the whole time.

The General continued to speak. “First, you show up late to my debriefing. Then, you almost release my assassin and give her a second chance! What kind of soldier are you?”

“It won’t happen again.”

The General sighed. “I don’t know what Yellow Diamond sees in you. If it were up to me, I would have let you die with all the rest of those defective messes. You aren’t much better.”

Jasper bristled at that. The General narrowed her eyes and continued. “This was a pathetic display. Your service will be put on hold. Watch the Pearl for the duration of her confinement and interrogation on the Mothership. Maybe she can teach you a thing or two about fighting.”

Jasper looked up at her, incredulous. “But, General, I was the one who-”

“Did I say you had a choice in the matter?!” Jasper fell silent. The General shoved the Pearl toward her, sheathed her blaster, and walked away. “You’re not much use here with me anyway.”

Jasper grabbed the Pearl by the wrists, glaring at the General’s retreating form, barely noticing the apologetic looks the crowd sent her way. Her shame and rage culminated into one thought that overtook the rest.

_I should have let her kill you._

-

The Pearl was entirely silent, even when Jasper got to one of the shuttles and tossed her behind the pilot’s seat. She attempted to adjust her position, but her bound wrists hampered her progress until she gave up altogether and simply slumped against the wall, scowling at Jasper. There was a bruise forming on her forehead.

Jasper paid her no heed, stewing in her anger and starting up the shuttle. If she hadn’t been late to the debriefing, she would have been able to fight with the rest of her troop again, even if the General got killed. In fact, she was certain the others would be glad to be rid of her. Jasper definitely would be. Instead, she would rot on the Mothership, utterly useless.

Her finger slipped on a button. She clenched her teeth and tried again.

Even if the General was an asshole, she was right. Jasper might have captured the Pearl, but she couldn’t restrain her. Jasper deserved this. If she wasn’t strong enough to hold back a Pearl, what kind of liability would she be on the battlefield? She would drag her teammates down. If she couldn’t fight, she was worthless.

She looked back at the Pearl, who had resigned to fidgeting with her restraints. That didn’t bother Jasper- there was no way for her to get them off without Jasper’s fingerprint.

As if sensing Jasper was looking at her, The Pearl’s eyes darted up. Jasper held her gaze. There was a long, tense moment as neither of them moved.

Jasper was the first to speak. “I remember you.”

The Pearl just stared.

“You left me to die.”

No response.

Jasper narrowed her eyes, her voice sarcastic. “Is Lapis doing well?”

The Pearl shifted and finally dropped her gaze, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her head on them. For a moment, Jasper swore she saw guilt flicker across her face, but it was so brief she doubted it was there at all.

She turned back around and finished starting up the shuttle, guiding it out of the ship and into space. She let out a long sigh at the estimated arrival time. She didn’t want to be stuck in a shuttle for an hour with a renegade Pearl- especially not _this_ renegade Pearl. Increasing the speed to maximum only shortened it a few minutes. She forced herself to sit back, crossing her arms and watching the stars pass.

The Mothership was not somewhere she wanted to return to. She associated it with the days of her adolescence, suffocating under the iron authority of both Yellow Diamond and the Agate who was her overseer, not allowed a moment to grieve for her sisters or her Diamond. Thrust into war again and again. Constantly reminded of her origin. Never allowed to step out of line.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to ignore the fact that the fighting still hadn’t stopped. Even after a century, the Rebellion still managed to ruin her life.

She heard shuffling from behind her and turned around. The Pearl was examining the walls of the shuttle, peering closely at every panel. She froze when she noticed Jasper.

Jasper smirked. “No way out from there.”

The Pearl slowly sat down again, never looking away from her.

Jasper leaned forward on one of her widespread knees, raising an eyebrow. If she was going to be stuck with this Pearl, she might as well have some fun with it. “Who dropped you off? I didn’t see any ships around. You didn’t drive yourself.”

The Pearl’s steady gaze felt like a silent challenge. Jasper accepted.

“Will they be back?”

Nothing. Jasper dug a little deeper. “What about Rose Quartz?”

Pearl stiffened and Jasper’s grin widened. She touched on something. “I haven’t heard about her in years. Where has she been? I’ve been looking forward to killing that bitch ever since she murdered my Diamond.”

She noticed Pearl’s hands curl into fists and laughed. She certainly was a fighter. She still said nothing, though, so Jasper changed the topic. “Isn’t it hard being so tough when you’re a Pearl? Doesn’t it go against your genes? Don’t you just want to… I don’t know, sing songs and follow orders?”

There was another long stretch of silence. Jasper was about to pursue a different line of questioning when the Pearl spoke up, her voice clear and level.

“The position you were made for doesn’t dictate your destiny.”

She said it with such conviction, such utter certainty, that Jasper couldn’t help but laugh again. She had heard that bullshit before. The other soldiers made jokes about the rebels- lost, without a purpose, directionless and weak. Forsaking your function for a sense of false freedom is what the Rebellion preached, right? It was ridiculous. Disobeying your genetic code was impossible; on some level, pearls would always be slaves and jaspers would always be warriors. It was the way they were engineered.

She had snickered at it along with her troop before and wasn’t any less haughty now. “You really believe that?” Pearl just stared. “You realize your rebellion is a joke, right? No one takes you seriously but yourselves.”

Pearl raised an eyebrow. “Do jokes murder Diamonds and reclaim entire planets?”

This time, it was Jasper’s turn to be speechless.

The rest of the ride, neither of them spoke. Jasper seethed silently, reconciling to watching the stars pass again and wishing they would go faster. She didn’t want to be with this misguided, insolent Pearl any longer than she had to be.

When the Mothership came into view, she changed her mind. It was a colossal machine that was more habitat than starship, flocked by a cloud of ships that constantly arrived and left. It blotted out the stars as they approached until it was all they could see.

She heard Pearl gasp behind her. For once, Jasper empathized. The closer they got, the heavier she felt, until she was consumed with the urge to just drive the shuttle into space and never return.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself. Weakness was not allowed in Jaspers. She led the ship into one of the many lines instead and waited for her turn to enter, pushing the feeling down until it was almost nonexistent.

The Mothership was the heart of the Imperium, where every order originated and every piece of information was analyzed. It was where the Diamonds lived and where their hold was the strongest. It was constantly on the move, traveling between sectors of the galaxy to both avoid the Rebels and to monitor its empire. Every Imperial ship had a tracking device to find it. It could be activated with a constantly changing password and a short series of switches; it was the first thing Imperial soldiers were taught.

Jasper switched it off and noticed the Pearl was watching her. She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t get any ideas.”

The Pearl retreated into the darkness of the back wall.

Soon, Jasper was the next to go. Communications control lit up on the dashboard and Jasper flipped a switch.

A thin, nasally voice sounded from the speaker on the roof. “State your designation, identification, and purpose.”

“Jasper, B-6xG, here with the Rebel Pearl Assassin.” She led her pride leak into her words. Even if she let her go once, Jasper still managed to capture her the first time.

The voice was obviously shocked. There was a pause and a few muffled voices. When she returned, she spoke with a note of respect. “Right this way, B-6xG.”

The gate opened, and Jasper entered. Pearl shrunk away even further.

The first room they entered was an airlock- before they went into the habitat module, they had to be pressurized. Once that was complete, a second gate opened and they entered the vehicle bay.

It was hard for Jasper to comprehend that they were on a ship. The vehicle bay extended far into the distance and housed hundreds of other starships. Thousands of people milled about below. It was the same as it always had been, but Jasper never found it any less unbelievable.

She found a free space and lowered into it, switching off the engines. A technician- a Peridot, from the look of it-  immediately approached. Jasper opened the doors for her.

After a brief examination of the outer hull and a note in her log, the Peridot popped her head inside and looked around. When she saw the Pearl, she grinned. “Wow. I didn’t believe you at first!”

Jasper smiled. “Who do I take her to?”

The Peridot considered it. “Who was she even made for? It’s been, what, two hundred years?” She shrugged. “I’d say Yellow Diamond. She’s wanted to see the end of that Rebellion for so long.” She sniggered. “She’ll be thrilled!”

She left with a bounce in her step, pulling up her log again and typing into it. Jasper started after her before realizing the Pearl wasn’t following. She was just standing there, staring after the Peridot, shocked.

Jasper huffed and roughly grabbed the Pearl, pulling her along. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

The bustle and noise of the bay was almost overwhelming after the dead quiet of the shuttle. Jasper shook her head and scanned the vehicle bay, trying to orient herself. She finally found an exit and started moving toward it through the maze of machines and people. It had been years since she was last out of commission; she hadn’t seen the Mothership since.

The winding corridors slowly began to look familiar as Jasper found her way to Yellow Diamond’s sector of the ship. The crowds of people started to thin out, but those that remained often stopped to gawk at them. The Pearl- walking with her head held high and shoulders back, like she was still with the rebellion- got the most attention, but a few awed glances were sent Jasper’s way as well. It was a salve to her wounded pride.

Eventually, after many hallways and elevators, Yellow Diamond’s chambers came into view, marked by her namesake above the huge double doors. Two Amethyst guards opened them as they neared.

Yellow Diamond sat in the center of the room, regal and poised, typing at a holographic display. Her throne was on a raised dais. At her feet, another Pearl played the harp. She didn’t look up from her work.

Jasper dropped into a deep bow, placing her hand over the diamond insignia on her chest. “Yellow Diamond.”

The typing and music stopped. The room was absolutely silent. When the command to rise didn’t come, Jasper risked a glance upward.

The Pearl was still standing.

Jasper’s eyes widened from a mixture of panic and anger. “Get down!” She hissed.

The Pearl didn’t move. She stared at Yellow Diamond head-on, unflinching.

Jasper grabbed her restrains and yanked down until she bowed, heart pounding. The Pearl glared at her. She noticed her hands were shaking and balled them into fists. _Jaspers didn’t fear anything_.

After a long, uncomfortable quiet, the command finally came. “Rise.”

Jasper stood, pulling the Pearl up with her just in case. Yellow Diamond’s eyes were on the Pearl, her brow furrowed disapprovingly. “She’s poorly trained.”

“It’s been a century since she last served her purpose.”

Yellow Diamond returned to her display for a moment, pulling up a file. “Oh, of course.” She turned back to them, face inscrutable, and eyed the Pearl again. “Glad to be back?”

Jasper noticed Pearl’s hands were shaking behind her back. She didn’t respond.

Yellow Diamond’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly. “She’ll have to be reconditioned. What an inconvenience.” She turned her annoyance on Jasper. “Your Agate General filled me in on what happened. Explain to me how you let a Pearl escape, however briefly?”

Jasper dropped her gaze, shame-faced. “A failure to react in time. She kicked me in the head and I was dazed.”

Yellow Diamond was unimpressed. She arched an eyebrow. “From a kick from a Pearl? I expected better of you. What would you do if something like this happened on the battlefield?”

“I’ll work on my reaction time. It won’t happen again.”

Yellow Diamond sighed and returned to her screen again. “Very well. Thank you for the report, B-6xG. Take her to the prisons in the neutral sector. My prisons are full.” She pressed a button and Jasper’s communicator pinged. “That is the room you have been assigned. You are dismissed.”

Jasper bowed again before leaving, tugging the Pearl behind her. The guards opened the door for them again.

Once they were closed, Jasper whirled around on the Pearl. “What were you thinking?! That was a Diamond!”

As always, the Pearl remained silent. Jasper scowled. “You’re not with the Rebellion anymore. You’re a Pearl. You better start acting like one.”

Pearl just blankly stared. Jasper let out an exasperated breath and pulled her along.

The neutral sector was easy to find- the pink diamond had been removed from it a century ago after her demise. When Jasper looked at the space it had been, she felt a pang of something sharp she couldn’t identify, welling up from deep inside of her. She dropped her gaze and walked through the entrance.

From there it was another series of elevators and hallways until they finally reached the depths of the ship where the prisons were located. The soldier’s barracks were nearby, making it both the most protected place and the farthest away from any exit. The Diamonds made sure that the security was tight enough that breaking out was impossible.

Only the Diamond’s political enemies and worst criminals were kept on the Mothership. Otherwise, they were sent to one of the countless prison ships that floated through the Galaxy. In a weird way, the Pearl was lucky.

The entrance to the prison was a force field guarded by a Citrine and an Amethyst. They leaned against the wall nonchalantly. When Jasper and the Pearl approached, one simply looked over.

“Identification.”

Jasper always hated this part. “B-6xG.”

With that, all traces of respect were gone. The Citrine raised an eyebrow, smirking. “You hear that? She’s a Beta.”

The Amethyst gave her a once-over. “She doesn’t look like a Beta. Aren’t they supposed to be.... Small?”

The Citrine snickered. Jasper seethed. “And what’s the prize she got with her? A Pearl?” She leaned over to get a better look and whistled. “That’s a piece of ass. I call first.”

Jasper stepped forward, standing to her fullest height. She was pleased when she overshadowed the two. “She’s a prisoner. She tried to assassinate a General. I caught her.”

The Citrine snorted. “Guess you Betas can be useful after all.”

Jasper attempted to contain herself. She could feel rage boiling beneath the surface of her skin, begging to be let out. Her fists itched for a fight. She struggled to keep her face blank.

The Amethyst crossed her arms and tilted her head. “Dunno if I’d call that useful. Wouldn’t be hard to catch a little thing like that.” Her eyes slowly drifted back to Jasper. “And I heard you couldn’t even keep your hands on her. You’re just as defective as the rest of your batch.”

That was enough. She lowered her head, baring her teeth. “Say that again.”

The guard rolled her eyes. “I said, you’re just as defective-”

With a roar, Jasper launched herself across the table and grabbed her by the hair, slamming her head against the wall and hitting her as hard as she could. She could feel the Amethyst trying to pull her back and Jasper kicked her with her heel as the other guard retaliated, running her claws down Jasper’s cheek. She snarled and her fist collided with the other guard’s face.

“What is going on over here?!”

At the sound of the overseer's voice, they instantly stopped.

Jasper dropped the Citrine and the Amethyst backed away. Even the Pearl, who had been spectating the whole time, flinched back.

The overseer- another Agate- was fast approaching and obviously furious. “Can you soldiers act civilized for one second?!” She slapped a button on the wall and the force field went down. She shoved past the Pearl as if she wasn’t even there.  "I swear, I leave for a moment and you're already ruining everything. Y-7xL! E-9xR!"

They immediately stood at attention. "Yes, ma'am!"

"What's going on here?!"

There was a short silence as they looked between each other. Jasper tried to take a step away but was met with a sharp glare from Agate. The Citrine- Y-7xL- was the first to speak. "A disagreement, ma'am."

“Obviously.” She turned to Jasper. “You. Who are you?”

All Jasper could look at was the whip on her belt. She swallowed hard before she spoke. "B-6xG."

Agate rolled her eyes. “Of course. A Beta.” Jasper balled her hands into fists. Agate gestured at the Pearl. “I’ll take care of this. Yellow Diamond will be hearing of what happened here. As for you…”

The other guards stood even straighter.

“I’ll deal with you later.”

She grabbed the Pearl and pulled her along into the prison. Despite everything, Pearl still walked with her back straight and head raised, even when Agate shoved her into a cell. Dignified until the end. It was unsettling.

As Jasper walked away, the guard she had fought with spat at her. She was developing a black eye. “Beta scum.”

Jasper glared at her and cracked her knuckles before continuing. She waited until she was far away to touch her cheek. Her fingers came back coated in blood.

She hated the Mothership.

-

The medical supplies were easy to find, kept in the same place they always had been- in a closet near the overseer’s room. The lock on it had broken the last time Jasper was on the Mothership. Most people were too afraid to steal anything, but Jasper doubted Agate would come around for a while. The other guards would keep her busy.

There weren’t traditional medical staff for soldiers because they were engineered to be more resilient; it took a lot to injure one seriously. Mostly, they just had bandages and painkillers. Jasper grabbed a few and shoved them into her uniform, closing the door and scanning the halls for anyone who may have seen. They were curiously empty.

Well, she wouldn’t question something that helped her out. She started walking and unhooked her communicator from her belt, looking at the room number Yellow Diamond had assigned her. It wasn’t far away. A short walk brought her to it.

The room was small, with two bunks and a small mirror between them. There was a tiny chest for belongings at the foot of each bunk. Normally, a Jasper of her rank and veteran status would have her own room- she had been demoted. She would have to room with soldiers who had just freshly come of age. Sighing heavily, she kicked the door closed behind her.

Fortunately, the bunks were empty. She went over to the mirror and examined the damage done.

Four scratches marked her left cheek, deep enough that they were still bleeding. Her hair was even messier than normal. She gingerly touched her side and winced when her fingers came in contact with multiple bruises- some from the Pearl and some from the guard. She hadn’t been lucky today.

She pushed her hair out of her face, took out a bandage, and applied it, gritting her teeth and waiting out the sting as it mended her skin cells. As soon as the pain receded, she peeled it off and carefully touched her cheek again. It was as if she had never been wounded at all.

She was too restless to stay in the room, and besides, she didn’t want to be around when whoever slept in the other three beds came back. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do otherwise- she was sore enough that she didn’t want to train- so she wandered the hallways for a while, just observing.

The design was reminiscent of Beta, the lab she was created in. It brought back memories from when she was still being taught how to be a Jasper, the only success in a sea of defects, before the Rebellion attacked and killed them all. Jasper was nearly still a child when it happened. She still managed to take out her fair share of the Rebels on her own, though; eighty, if she remembered correctly. It was what made Yellow Diamond want her after Pink was killed.

Jasper sighed heavily at the thought of her. She hadn’t been in Pink Diamond’s sector since it still belonged to her. It was unnerving. It felt empty without her.

She heard a shout come from a nearby hallway, startling her out of her thoughts. Acting on instinct, she rushed toward it, going back toward the prison. Several more shouts followed, along with the crack of a whip. Without thinking, Jasper froze. She suddenly wasn’t sure if she wanted to go near whatever was happening.

Curiosity got the best of her, and she got close enough to see the crowd forming around where the force field was earlier. It had been switched off again. A guard she had never seen before was on her knees, forced to the ground by Agate, whip in hand. Her back was a bloody mess. It was absolutely silent.

Agate’s voice rang out. “Help the prisoner and you help the Rebellion. Help the Rebellion and you get punished. Is that clear?”

The guard’s voice was strained and hoarse. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Mistakes are not tolerated. You were engineered to be the perfect soldier. Start acting like it!”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Agate surveyed the crowd. “You were all made to serve the Diamonds. The prisoners are our enemies. Never forget that!” She cracked her whip again and Jasper jumped. “Back to work!”

The throng quickly dispersed. Jasper didn’t get far.

“You!”

Jasper tensed. Agate had seen her with the scratches. She saw she was healed. She knew she stole from the closet.

Her breathing was erratic. All she could think of was the whip. She dug her nails into her palm. _Jaspers didn’t fear anything. Jaspers didn’t fear anything._

She turned to face Agate. “Yes, ma’am?”

The whip was still on her belt. Her face was blank. “Bring the meals to that Pearl you brought in here. Do something with yourself.”

Jasper let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding, more than relieved. “Yes, ma’am.”

Now that she had a purpose. She could work with that. Agate left and Jasper retrieved whatever it was they fed the prisoners- some kind of nutrient mush- and brought it to the Pearl’s cell. She didn’t see a slot to slide it through, so she just opened the door.

The Pearl sat curled up in a corner, her wrists awkwardly out behind her, her knees pressed to her chest. Her head spun toward Jasper and it was obvious she had been crying. Jasper felt something close to satisfaction at the sight. Revenge was sweet.

She tossed the package and a spoon at the Pearl’s feet and turned to leave, but the restraints caught her eye again and she paused. It wasn’t like Jasper could just leave her like this. She couldn’t even eat with her hands tied.

Begrudgingly, she entered the cell and moved the grab the Pearl’s wrists. She flinched away and kicked Jasper in the shin, hard.

At this point, Jasper was just tired of it. “I’m taking your restrains off. Settle down.”

Jasper knelt and held her hand out, waiting. The Pearl watched her with a guarded expression and didn’t move. Jasper let out a long-suffering sigh. “Everything has to be difficult with you, doesn’t it?”

Her patience had run out. She reached behind the Pearl and grasped her wrists in one hand, moving the restraints with the other until she saw the small screen where they joined. She pressed her thumb against it and they snapped apart. The Pearl snatched her hands away as soon as they were off, rubbing her wrists and not taking her eyes off of Jasper.

Jasper pocketed the restraints and stood. “I hope you’re as tough as you act. You’re gonna need it.

As Jasper turned to leave, she saw the Pearl grab the spoon. She spoke.

“I’m tougher.”


	2. Chapter 2

The prison alarms were ringing. A guard, her hand clamped on a gash, was being escorted to the medical bay. Another with a shallow cut on her neck was being treated in the hall. Jasper had been dragged out of bed by Agate, bleary-eyed, to answer how the Pearl had gotten her hands on a spoon.

Jasper narrowed her eyes. “What, was I supposed to have her eat with her hands?”

If Jasper was fully awake, she wouldn’t have dared to speak to Agate like that. The hard slap she got in response certainly woke her up. “How dare you?! Do you realize what she did?! She broke out of her cell and injured two guards in the process! It took us four others to get her back in!”

Jasper’s brow furrowed. “With a spoon?”

Agate huffed and brought something out of her pocket. It took Jasper a moment to even recognize what it was- a spoon, whittled down to a sharp point and covered in blood.

“Holy shit.” To think of the time that must have gone into that- the Pearl would have been grinding away at it since Jasper left it with her.

Agate frowned. “Don’t underestimate her, B-6xG. She’s a high-profile prisoner and Rebel- don’t let her caste make you think otherwise.” Agate paused, as if to let that sink in. “Don’t let this happen again. No more silverware.”

Jasper nodded, relieved to be let off easy. “Yes, ma’am!”

It had been a week since Jasper first brought the Pearl and, until now, it had passed without incident. The Pearl seemed content to glower at her from a dark corner of her cell and do little else. Jasper had relaxed into a routine; training, bringing the Pearl food, and training again. This had caught her off guard. The Pearl was cleverer than she first thought.

The alarms were shut down and Jasper went to her cell. She was half expecting the Pearl to jump out at her, fingers outstretched, ready to claw her way to freedom. Instead, she found her sitting cross-legged on the floor, her fingers steepled and her brow furrowed. Except for a few scratches, she looked exactly the same. Her eyes darted up to Jasper and lingered.

“You’ve been here for a day and you’ve already done more than most prisoners will in years.” Jasper shook her head disbelievingly. “A spoon.”

The Pearl didn't respond. It was good she didn't talk much; Pearls were supposed to be that way. But Jasper was too suspicious to just leave. "Who ordered you to do that?"

The Pearl's brow furrowed and she almost seemed confused. "I acted of my own accord."

Jasper snorted. "You're a Pearl. You don't have your own accord." The Pearl just sighed and didn't say anything else. Jasper tossed the packet of mush over to her, leaning against the doorway. “Besides, you know that no one has ever successfully escaped from here, right? What were you hoping to do?” Her lips twisted in a half-smile. “Your situation is even more hopeless than mine was.”

For once, the Pearl dropped her gaze. Her hand balled up in the fabric of her shirt. “But you escaped in the end.”

Jasper let out a breath that was almost a laugh, taking two steps closer. “To an alien planet I had to fight to survive on for months.” She leaned down. “Do you know what that kind of hopelessness is like? To not even know if you’ll be saved? That helplessness?”

She still refused to look at Jasper. Her knuckles were white. The fabric twisted in her hand.

Jasper relented, her voice still carrying an edge. “But you’re right. That’s better than being tortured.”

This time, Jasper was positive she looked guilty. Her mouth opened and stayed that way, as if she was trying to speak but couldn’t. After a long pause, she closed her eyes and exhaled. “I’m sorry.”

Jasper stood, strangely unsatisfied. She wasn’t sure what she wanted, but it wasn’t an apology. It just made her more frustrated. “Too late.”

She shut the door behind her and checked the lock twice.

-

“Hand-to-hand combat simulation complete. Training session over.”

Jasper shut off the headset and checked her statistics, wiping the sweat from her forehead. A holographic display jumped to life before her. She was slightly stronger than the last time and her reaction time had improved- it was a good start. She started up another and got to work.

The Pearl made her furious. If she felt so damn bad about abandoning her on the planet, why would she have done it in the first place? Why would she apologize for it? Everyone got what they deserved- this was no different.

Jasper narrowly dodged a punch, sliding to the side and destroying the holographic opponent with one swift kick. She dropped into position again and waited for the next to approach her.

Besides, it wasn’t like Jasper did anything to make her want to apologize. By all means, the Pearl should hate her. To have sympathy for her was weak. But, then again, it wasn’t like the Rebels were known for having strength, the bunch of bleeding-heart defectives.

A hologram ran at her. She blocked.

The Pearl was annoying. She was confusing. Jasper couldn’t figure her out, and it was exasperating. She slammed her fist into the hologram and jumped back again, hands up and ready to strike.

And trying to escape from the prison? It was ludicrous. Even if she was a Pearl, she was a high-ranking Rebel; she would have to know what she was dealing with. It was pointless to try to escape. There was nowhere for her to go. Were Pearls really just that dumb?

Unless…

The next hologram to charge at her was more difficult to dispatch. It feinted the first blow and, when Jasper dodged to avoid it, kicked her in the shin. She stumbled back and almost lost her footing. She dug her heels into the ground at the last second. It immediately came after her again and she grabbed its arm, throwing it onto the mat with all her strength. It dissipated and the training session was over.

Statistics popped up again, and Jasper walked over to read them. Strength was the same, but reaction time had decreased; it felt like a stab to the stomach. Inadequacy wasn’t allowed. She had to keep up with the rest, be better than the rest. She had to make them forget where she was made. Otherwise, what worth did she have?

Her communicator buzzed. Her time was up; she had to bring food to that Pearl. She shut down the simulator, knowing she would have to come back later. Her results were unacceptable. She had to improve.

In a way, though, it was a good thing she had to see the Pearl. She had a lot of questions and a budding suspicion. If she was proven right, she would have to reconsider a lot of things she assumed about the Pearl.

When Jasper opened the cell door, she found the Pearl poised with one leg out behind her and one arm outstretched, graceful and elegant. Her fingers appeared to be curled around an imaginary bar held above her. Realizing Jasper was watching, she dropped out of the pose and stood unnaturally stiff, her face red.

Jasper raised an eyebrow. “Were you… dancing?”

Her face flushed further and she averted her eyes, crossing her arms. Jasper just shook her head a little, amused, and entered the room. The Pearl’s gaze darted back up to her curiously.

“How did you do it?” The Pearl just stared. Jasper elaborated. “You’re a Pearl and you can fight well enough to wound three soldiers- Amethyst soldiers- and me. You broke out of the cell with a whittled-down spoon. How did you do it?”

The Pearl looked over Jasper’s shoulder at the open door and didn’t respond. Jasper rolled her eyes and closed it.

“Here.” She made a show of taking out her communicator and shutting it down. “Entirely off the record. I just want to know.”

The Pearl still looked unsure. She walked over to her cot and sat down, clasping her hands together before her. Jasper leaned against the door and waited. She wasn't even sure if the Pearl could speak that much; talking to her was probably futile. Pearls were too dumb to hold a real conversation.

The Pearl was silent still as she seemed to observe Jasper, taking her in. Thinking. And then something shifted in her expression and she finally spoke. “I taught myself.”

Jasper almost laughed. “Right.”

The Pearl glared. Jasper shut up. “The Rebellion- Rose Quartz- gave me the choice to be something else. I didn’t have to be a Pearl anymore. So I chose to fight, and I taught myself.”

Well, well. She could speak. Jasper considered what she had said. It sounded ludicrous; a Pearl didn’t have the capacity to fight, let alone to teach herself. But the Pearl obviously wasn't normal, and she was at least a hundred years ahead of Jasper in terms of experience. It would explain her strength.

But Jasper still wasn’t convinced. “Even if that’s true, deep down, you’re still a Pearl. You’re still just following Rose Quartz’s orders.”

The Pearl sighed heavily. “Maybe so. But at least they’re orders I want to follow. At least I have the freedom to decide if they’re worth following.”

It was a legitimate point; Jasper couldn’t find any reason to argue with it. Freedom like that wasn’t allowed in the Imperium. If Jasper disobeyed orders, she would get whipped. “Is that the allure of the Rebellion, then? Freedom?”

The Pearl nodded. “Freedom to do whatever you want. Freedom to be whomever you want.” A small smile- the first Jasper had ever seen from her- crossed her face, and her voice was soft. “Freedom to love whomever you want.”

Jasper wanted to laugh. She wanted to mock the Pearl and see the smile drop off her face, to say how love was Rebellion nonsense, to ridicule her and her sentimentality. But something stopped her. The Pearl’s sincerity, maybe, or the tenderness of her expression- Jasper didn’t know.

She curled her hands into fists and stopped her thoughts. She brought everything the Rebellion had done to the forefront of her mind- her Diamond, her sisters, her life of war- and she scowled. “Sounds like a lot of saccharine bullshit coming from a group of extremists.”

Jasper stormed out of the room, not waiting for the Pearl’s response. What the Pearl said wasn’t what upset her. It was all sound logic. It all made sense, and it was threatening. She gritted her teeth. She was upset at herself.

Jasper was upset because for a moment, however minuscule, she found the Rebellion appealing.

Of course, it didn’t last long. How could it? Her deep-seated hate for the Rebellion couldn’t be overcome by a few convincing words said by a slave. The Rebels were still murderers, even if they offered more freedom than Jasper had ever dreamed of. The moment had existed, and that alone was enough to make her hate herself even more. It was weakness. Jasper couldn’t permit herself a second of weakness.

She considered going back to the training room, but she decided it wouldn’t be wise to do that when she was so irritated. It would cloud her judgement; she would only make herself angrier with poor results. She took to pacing down the halls instead, waiting for herself to cool off.

After passing hallway after hallway of cells and soldier’s quarters, the atmosphere changed. The hallways elongated and became more uniform, with fewer doors. No one was around. It was too quiet. Jasper suddenly wondered if she was allowed to be here at all.

She took a few more careful steps and spotted a door at the end of the hallway, partially ajar. Her anger was forgotten. She approached it on silent feet, uneasy, constantly on the lookout for others. No one else was around. She looked inside.

Row after row of incubators filled the room. Peridots flitted between them, monitoring the progress of the embryos inside or manipulating their genes to fit their caste. Jasper could see the screen on one of the closer machines. Another Peridot stood at it, editing long lines of incomprehensible genetic code. Jasper could only guess what she was doing- adding a predisposition to something or other, probably, or lengthening the lifespan of the embryo inside so it could live for centuries like the rest of them.

It was a kindergarten.

A baby cried somewhere. Jasper located it; in the back of the room, the incubators were clear and contained infants. It was being held by a Peridot who was drawing blood from it’s arm.

“Oh, shut up,” The Peridot muttered as she put it back, loud enough for Jasper to hear. She inserted the tube of blood into a handheld machine and waited. It beeped.

“Aha! Defective!” She ran over to the Peridot at the screen closest to Jasper- probably the leader- and presented her own. “See! I told you it wasn’t taking to the imprinting.”

The leader barely looked up from her work. “That’s not something to be proud of, A-9xK. You probably ruined anyone else you worked on. Check them all. And mark that one to be taken to the zoo.”

Jasper’s brow furrowed and she leaned closer. If the baby was defective, she would have to be killed. Weak links in the Imperium were not allowed; it’s what she had heard ever since she left Beta. Her sisters got what they deserved because they were defective. Jasper only made it out of Beta because she was perfect.

What zoo?

Someone cleared their throat behind her and she jumped, spinning around. Another Peridot stood close, glaring, her arms crossed. “Authorized personnel only.” She stressed each word. “Who are you?”

Jasper lied. “E-9xR.”

The Peridot gave her a once-over and narrowed her eyes. “Really? You look more like a Beta to me.”

Of course- a kindergartener would see right through that. They knew what people from different labs looked like. But the way she said Beta- like it was something dirty- made Jasper bristle. She glared and stood taller. “Do I look defective to you?”

The Peridot rolled her eyes, muttering something about soldiers, and shoved Jasper aside, entering the room. She pointedly shut the door behind her.

Jasper didn’t hesitate to leave. She didn’t want to get caught again, and besides, it wasn’t a place she wanted to be. The lab brought back too many memories she wanted to forget.

-

The hologram before her trembled and then disappeared as her fist went through it. She stared at the space it had just been, chest heaving, and waited for the session to end. The gym was empty; she had skipped dinner to train.

Once she had caught her breath, she went over to the console and checked her statistics. Her reaction time had improved sharply since she started an hour before, and her strength had increased by a full percent. Even her stamina had improved. She grinned and went to start up another.

Her communicator buzzed. Her hand stopped halfway to the simulator and she retrieved it from her belt, pushing the hair out of her face and trying to look presentable. Holding it up to eye level, she accepted the message and found herself looking at the Holly Blue Agate who oversaw her when she first came to the Mothership; she had been promoted.

Jasper immediately stood to attention, terror shooting through her like an electric shock. She suddenly wished she didn’t look like a sweaty mess. “Ma’am!”

Holly Blue just narrowed her eyes like she was looking at something unpleasant. “Beta. I never thought you’d be stupid enough to get yourself stuck back here, but you’ve always surprised me.”

Jasper kept her face carefully blank. Holly Blue continued. “You’ve been assigned as a captain of a small troop headed for a nearby planet. There have been reports of rebels attacking the base there and requests for backup have been received. You will verify these claims and see if we need to send reinforcements.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Holly Blue’s lip curled. “The ship leaves in twenty minutes. For once, don’t mess this up.”

The image went black and the communicator folded back together. It buzzed again- Holly Blue had sent her the number of the ship she would be on. She slipped it back into her belt and went to the locker room to wash her face.

Of course, it was another mission that was beneath her. She was a veteran from when the war began; she fought through the worst of it and lived to tell the story. She should be a commander at this point, leading a battalion into the battle that would finally end this war once and for all. Instead, she was stuck on a glorified survey mission a fledgling Jasper could do.

Well, there was nothing she could do about it. It was how it always had been. There was no reason it would ever change.

Jasper stopped at her room first, glad it was empty except for someone sleeping in the bed above her own. She realized it was the Amethyst who had been whipped when she first arrived. She was naked to the waist and lying on her stomach, her back covered in bandages that weren’t doing much at this point. She would have to get back to work soon.

Jasper tried to be quiet as she rummaged through the chest at the foot of their bunk, looking for her eyeliner. When she found it, she went over to the mirror, leaning forward and carefully drawing a thick line over the top of her left eye. She had done it so many times before that it was easy.

The Amethyst stirred, leaning over the bed and watching her. She winced with every move. “What’re you doing?”

Jasper glanced up at her briefly, waiting until the wing on her left eye was perfect before she responded. She moved to the other side. “War paint.”

Once her right eye was perfected- it always took longer to do- she sharpened the edges and took a step back. She brushed through her hair with her fingers, lamenting not for the first time that she didn't know how to braid it. Her hair made her look bigger- that was true- but it was such a nuisance when it was down. There was so much of it, and it got in the way so easily.

Well, there was nothing she could do. She looked good- better than before, at least- but she still needed something. She searched through the chest again until her hand brushed against her cape. She grinned, pulling it out with a flourish and clasping it at her throat. She pulled her hair out of it and examined herself in the mirror.

 _If only the Pearl could see me now_. Everything accentuated her strength. She definitely looked fit to be a captain; bigger, broader, and more menacing than ever. Just what a Jasper should be. She didn’t care about how humiliating the mission was at this point; she just wanted to look fabulous while doing it.

The Amethyst’s eyebrows shot up, impressed. “Careful. Keep that up and you’ll get the guards on their knees.”

Jasper watched herself smile in the mirror, all sharp yellow eyes and canine teeth; feral. “Isn’t that just what I want?”

She left, and her footsteps were heavy against the metal of the floor. She walked like the Pearl- shoulders back, head high, eyes ahead. For once, she didn’t care if the guards were staring.

She checked the time. Unfortunately, she was almost going to be late; she wouldn’t be able to visit the Pearl beforehand. What a shame. Jasper would just have to go afterward and show her how intimidating she could be. Maybe then, for once, the Pearl would respect her.

It was easy to find her way back to the vehicle bay the second time around. She picked her way between the throngs of people, keeping her eye out for the ship she was assigned.

“Jasper!”

She paused, scanning the crowd. Her eyes fell upon a stout little soldier running toward her, shoving her way through. An eyepatch covered her right eye.

“Jasper!” She briefly stopped in front of her, out of breath, and then snapped up into a salute. “Ma’am! I’ve waited so long to meet you. I’m Ruby F-1xN. I was made at the start of the war. I’ve seen you fight!”

A commotion broke out behind them as four other Rubies pushed through the crowd in pursuit. They were making quite the scene. “Eyeball! Wait!”

Rubies. Jasper had been assigned to command Rubies. It was insulting; Rubies were the lowest soldier caste there was. For Jasper to do something a fledgling Amethyst could do was another slap to the face. But these Rubies...

Eyeball was soon joined by the rest, all except for one dashing over and staring up at her in wonder. The straggler walked over to Eyeball. “Who is she again?”

Eyeball spun around, offended. “Are you kidding?! She’s _the_ Beta Jasper, B-6xG, who rose above her origins and took out _eighty_ Rebels in one fight! She’s flawless. Don’t they teach you anything nowadays?!”

Jasper could only blink, completely bewildered. This was the last thing she expected; she didn’t even think people knew who she was beyond her infamous kindergarten. Her accomplishments had always been swept under the rug. “It’s fine.”

Eyeball immediately turned back to her, completely stoic again. “Ma’am, yes ma’am!”

Another Ruby stepped forward, wearing suspenders and a confident grin. She seemed to be the leader of her group. “I’m Doc! That’s Eyeball, Leggy, Army, and Navy.” She ended on a Ruby who gave a little wave. “We’re at your service!”

Jasper nodded, briskly. It was time to focus. “Let’s get going, then. Do any of you know what planet we’re headed to?”

Eyeball almost stumbled forward in her eagerness. “Yes! It’s Tau 5332c, and it’s of medium size with a breathable atmosphere, orbiting a red star at the edge of the habitable zone..”

Jasper walked as Eyeball filled her in on the details of their mission, including everything from the planet’s climate to the type of settlements established there. Most of it was useless, but Jasper let her talk. Eyeball was so keen on impressing her, and besides, Jasper liked the attention. The rest of the troop trailed behind.

When they reached the ship, Eyeball ran ahead and unlocked it, opening the hatch and stepping aside. “After you, ma’am.”

All of this was very new. Jasper stood there for a moment, stunned, before nodding at her and going inside. She had been in positions of power before, but never with this kind of respect. No one ever took her seriously on account of her kindergarten. It was the first time her origins had resulted in anything positive.

The ship was a Roaming Eye. It was circular with five seats, each with their own dashboard, and it was spacious enough to allow more. Eyeball gestured at the pilot seat. “Will you do the honors?”

Jasper accepted. “Coordinates?”

Eyeball read them off and Jasper entered them into the console, plotting out a course. The trajectory popped onto the screen as soon as she had finished. “We’ll be there in three hours.”

The Rubies- especially Eyeball- watched her intently as she started up the Roaming eye, guiding it toward the airlock. Once the second gate opened, she maneuvered it around the cloud of ships and turned the engines on fully. They shot out into space as the warp drive activated.

“Nicely done!” Navy said from behind her, obviously impressed. She just shrugged in response. It wasn’t like she had done anything difficult.

Doc hopped down from her chair and came over as soon as they had stabilized. “Jasper. Eyeball told me about how you captured that Pearl! You saved your general from being assassinated, right? That’s amazing!”

“Not just any Pearl,” Eyeball interjected. “The Renegade Pearl, who escaped from the Imperium a century ago with Rose Quartz and started this Rebellion! Jasper, ma’am, how did you do it?”

 She looked around the room and saw five pairs of eyes trained on her. For a moment, she hesitated- she didn’t want to stray from her orders- but then she glanced at the arrival time again and caved in. They had plenty of idle time. Where was the hurt in being a little unorthodox for once? It wasn’t like this would ever happen again.

Grinning, she leaned forward, fist on her thigh, and told it from the beginning. “There I was, late to my debriefing- going down a hidden passageway so the General wouldn’t catch me, of course- when I saw her…”

-

Three hours and countless war stories later, Tau 5332c came into view, bright against the darkness of space. Doc gave her the coordinates of the Imperial base and she drove the ship there, hovering above where it was supposed to be located. She switched on the viewing screen.

Before them was a pile of rubble and ash, strewn about in such a large black radius that it stretched beyond what the viewing screen could encompass. Not a single part of it was left standing; it looked as if it was blown up and then smashed apart, as if each strip of metal had been personally pounded into scrap.

“Stars above,” Eyeball breathed.

Jasper could only stare with wide eyes and her mouth ajar.

Doc looked up to her, concerned. “Jasper, what do we do?”

She shook her head slightly, trying to get over the shock. Her answer barely took any time to consider. “We land the ship and we look for survivors.”

No matter how bleak the situation looked, Jasper knew how many lives it had saved in the war. She wouldn’t leave anyone behind; not if she could help it. She gripped the controls and she heard the Rubies disperse, helping her in her efforts.

As soon as the ship hit the ground, Jasper was out, running into the wreckage and scanning it for any movement. It was completely still, save for the wisps of smoke that rose up every now and then. The ash was warm, even through her boots.

“It’s still fresh!” Jasper called over her shoulder. The Rubies were just now clambering out of the Roaming Eye. “There could still be somebody! Keep your eyes open and-”

A blaster shot and Jasper was moving before she even registered it, diving to the ground and rolling away from where she had just stood. Not even a second later, a laser zoomed past her and burned harmlessly into the ground. Her head snapped toward its source.

A huge woman stood on a pile of rubble, holding a blaster at her side and glaring down at them with nothing short of disgust. There was the Rebel star on her apron and her rainbow-colored dreadlocks were held back with a headband. A jolt of recognition shot through Jasper and she stood there, frozen.

The woman raised the blaster above her head and shot once into the air. “Imperial soldiers!” She roared.

Suddenly, the landscape around them sprung to life, Rebels spilling out from behind the debris and joining the woman or dropping into position, aiming various weapons before them. One gave her a thumbs up. “On your mark, Bismuth!”

Bismuth. That was her name. The memories flooded Jasper’s mind as she stared at her, just as searing as when they first happened. The massacre. The murder of her sisters. An entire kindergarten, wiped out.

And Bismuth, commanding it all.

“You,” Jasper breathed. “You!”

She took one careful step forward, then another, and charged forward at Bismuth, war cry ringing from her lips. All she could feel was her rage, boiling through her veins, coursing through her body with each thrum of her heart. All she could hear was that pounding, getting louder and louder as she rushed ahead. She was finally going to get revenge. For her sisters, killed before they lived; for her life, ruined before it had begun. She was finally going to strike back at the Rebels, she was-

Someone grabbed the back of her cape and yanked her back. She whirled around, furious, and found Eyeball standing there. She was looking around frantically, terrified. “Jasper, ma’am, we’re outnumbered! Please, can we-”

“FIRE!”

And then everything happened in slow motion. Bismuth’s hand swung down. A hundred blasters went off at once. And Eyeball-

Eyeball clutched at her side and went stiff and she looked up at Jasper with one wide, pleading eye before her knees buckled and she fell to the ground and blood poured out from behind her fingers and-

And Jasper scooped her up and cradled her in her arms and ran, ran back to the ship, and she couldn’t even tell if they were shooting anymore, and then she saw the other Rubies and the sound of the world popped back just in time for her to shout.

“RETREAT!”

And suddenly, she was back a century ago in the midst of falling back from battle, her fallen comrade slung over her shoulders, fleeing from a colony that the Imperium had lost. Suddenly, she was breathing smoke and her cheeks were streaked with tears and her burning legs threatened to give in altogether as she told herself to be strong in a never-ending mantra. Suddenly, she was hearing a blood-chilling scream and turning back to see Rose Quartz thrusting a sword through Pink Diamond’s abdomen, her Diamond, her Diamond, her _Diamond_ -

“Jasper! Jasper, what do we do?!”

Jasper came crashing back to the present, heart pounding and chest heaving. She wiped a frantic hand across her eyes and found them wet. Eyeball was still in her arms unconscious and bleeding.

_It’s my fault._

Jasper dropped to the ground, placing Eyeball gently down and digging around in her uniform for the bandages, urgency making her movements shaky. “Are we off the planet?”

“Yes!” It was Doc speaking, standing by the viewing screen. Jasper could see three Rebel ships in it. “I told you that, but you got all distant all of a sudden and wouldn’t respond. We’re in deep space but they’re following us and we don’t know the procedure for the tracking device!”

Jasper was too desperate to be mad. “Left, left, up, down, right, left! Hit the green button!” She yanked the three bandages out of her uniform and unwrapped them, pulling up Eyeball’s uniform and applying them, pressing down to stop the bleeding. Eyeball jolted awake and screamed.

Doc jumped back, startled. “Is she going to be okay?”

Jasper tried to slow her breathing and failed. Her hands were trembling. She was terrified, and she despised herself for it. “I don’t know, I don’t-”

She gritted her teeth and forced herself to take a deep breath. The Rubies looked up to her- if she panicked, so would they. She couldn’t afford to lose her composure.

When she spoke again, she sounded much calmer. “There, on my belt. My communicator. Do you see it?” Doc nodded and she continued. “Take it off and call Yellow Diamond.”

Doc was taken aback. “Yellow Diamond?! Are you sure?!”

Jasper nodded. “There are Rebel ships chasing us. They could follow us back to the Mothership. We have to warn her.”

Doc did as she said. Eyeball was half awake, seeming to drift in and out of consciousness. The bandages had done all they could, but they couldn’t heal a wound this deep; just the surface. She was still bleeding internally.

Jasper closed her eyes, urging her on silently. _Don’t die on me, Eyeball…_

“What are you doing calling the Diamond line?!” A voice demanded. Jasper looked up to see Yellow Diamond’s Pearl haughtily glaring at Doc. For the first time, Jasper was close enough to notice the collar.

Doc looked over to her, anxious, and Jasper spoke. She used her most commanding voice. “It’s a military emergency. Give the communicator to Yellow Diamond.”

The Pearl scurried out of sight and Jasper heard Yellow Diamond’s voice, too quiet to make out the words. The video feed blurred and switched cameras; Yellow Diamond stared back at her. She took in the scene before her and her brow furrowed. “Explain.”

“Yellow Diamond.” For the first time in her life, Jasper didn’t salute. Her hands didn’t move from Eyeball’s side. “Tau 5332c has been overtaken by the Rebellion. The base was destroyed by the time we arrived. We were ambushed and forced to retreat. Rebel ships are chasing us. They could follow us back to the Mothership. I’m requesting backup.”

Yellow Diamond’s eyes went wide. “You’re being chased by Rebels and you’re not performing evasive maneuvers?! You’re going to lead the Rebellion straight back to the Mothership?!”

Jasper’s heart was in her throat. “With all due respect, I have a soldier who’s dying-”

“A _Ruby_ soldier, B-6xG. We won’t be losing much.” Yellow Diamond stood, and Jasper’s breath caught in her throat. “Don’t put the Rebellion at stake for one Ruby’s life. Engage in evasive maneuvers.” She took a step closer to the camera. “Request for reinforcements denied. Don’t come back until you’ve lost them.”

The call ended. Jasper stared at the empty space in her communicator screen, speechless. “That’s bullshit!”

She was met with silence. Navy scuffed her toe on the floor, and Jasper noticed for the first time she was lightly wounded on her arm. Looking around, she saw they all were in some way. “Not really. We’re just Rubies.”

Jasper knew that; it was what she had been told all her life. She had thought it earlier. Rubies were expendable, mass-produced foot soldiers who charged into battle head-first and cleared the way for people like her. But looking around the room at them- at Eyeball- she suddenly couldn’t stomach that as easily as before.

“What should we do, Jasper?” Doc asked, eyes on Eyeball. They were all worried about her.

Jasper looked down at Eyeball, squeezed her eyes shut, and gave the order. “Engage in evasive maneuvers.”

She felt her self-loathing grow.

-

By the time the Roaming Eye spluttered into the vehicle bay, running on fumes, four hours had passed. The Rebels fell back after an hour of being led nowhere, and even at the fastest speed, the detour still cost them. Eyeball had long since slipped into a fevered sleep and she was fading fast.

The Rubies rushed out and called for a medic. Jasper just kept her hand on the wound, not sure what good it would do anymore. People came in and took Eyeball away on a stretcher and Jasper watched.

She felt like she wasn’t in her body, like she was spectating it all from the outside. She knew, numbly, that she was exhausted, but it was like her body didn’t want to respond. Someone tugged on her cape and she stumbled forward and just walked, and walked, and walked. Somehow, she made it back to her room.

She collapsed onto the bed and felt her heartbeat in her chest, slow and steady. Her eyes stared blankly at the pillowcase in front of her, not really seeing anything. Her mind was a churning mess and yet she wasn’t feeling anything at all.

For the first time in her life, she had questioned the Imperium.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a chore to get up the next morning. At first, Jasper rolled away from the light, ignoring the wake-up call and trying to convince herself she could stay in bed. Outside was so cold, and her bed was so warm, and she was so, so tired…

And then it all came back. The mission, the Rebels, Eyeball. All of a sudden, she was wide awake and out of bed, barely even taking the time to unclasp her cape before she was out the door. For once, she actually wanted to find Agate. She needed to.

She ran through the hallways carelessly, hardly noticing the looks she got. Her heart was pounding. She needed to know if Eyeball was okay. If she wasn’t, Jasper would never forgive herself.

Jasper finally found Agate as she finished lecturing another soldier. She rushed up to her and started, urgency making her fearless. “Ma’am, is-”

She was cut off by a slap to the face hard enough to make her eyes water. She wanted to flinch, but she kept herself as still as possible, only allowing herself to blink at the sting. She didn’t want to do anything that would warrant another.

“B-6xG, what are you doing out of your room the way looking the way you do?!” Agate demanded, her fury directed towards Jasper instead. The other soldier took the opportunity to flee. “What if one of the Diamonds came around? What are you thinking?!”

Jasper’s desperation made her reckless. She didn’t even apologize. “Is the Ruby I was with yesterday okay?” At Agate’s blank stare, Jasper elaborated. “F-1xN. She came back with a wound in her side from a blaster, close to death.”

Agate rolled her eyes. “Oh, her. She pulled through. The rest of them gave a glowing report about you, too.” Agate cocked an eyebrow. “Saying I was surprised would be an understatement.”

Jasper didn’t even notice Agate’s insult through her relief. She had really thought…

“And before I forget; Holly Blue Agate wanted to see you immediately. You better not keep her waiting.”

 Just like that, Jasper’s relief was sucked out of her. She suddenly felt very, very cold. She nodded stiffly. “Yes, ma’am.”

Agate left her and Jasper returned to her room to clean herself up. She had to look presentable before Holly Blue saw her. It was blessedly empty; even the whipped Amethyst was gone. Jasper went over to the mirror to inspect the damage done.

There was still ash smudged on her cheeks- looking down, she saw she hadn’t even taken her boots off the night before and was tracking it with her everywhere she went- and her eyeliner was irreparably smudged. The ever-present bags under her eyes were even more pronounced. She was, in short, a mess.

She wiped off the ash and eyeliner, redoing it and brushing out her hair as best as she could. There was a red mark developing on her cheek she was hoping would quickly fade. Her boots needed cleaning, and her uniform was too filthy keep on; she took care of them and checked her appearance again. She still looked shaken, but it was the best she could do. At least her eyeliner looked good.

Her communicator buzzed, and she jumped before realizing it was just her reminder to bring the Pearl food. She would have to wait. Holly Blue would already be annoyed with her for taking so long; she couldn’t afford to waste any more time.

Holly Blue’s quarters were in an entirely different sector- all Agates answered to Blue Diamond, even if they were stationed all over the Mothership. Jasper had only been to it twice before and found her hands were already shaking in trepidation. She balled them into fists in an attempt to still them. _Jaspers don’t fear anything. Jaspers don’t have weaknesses_.

When she arrived at the doors to Holly Blue’s quarters, she found that she couldn’t summon the strength to open them. Her stomach was turning and her hands were trembling to the point that she couldn’t still them anymore. Her disgust for herself grew. Prolonging it would only make it worse.

She forced herself to turn the handle and enter the room. Holly Blue stood behind her desk, back ramrod straight and stance wide, hands clasped before her. She wasn’t facing Jasper- instead, looking out into space through a screen that mimicked a window- and Jasper felt nauseous at the idea of what she could be holding.

Jasper stood rigidly and saluted. A long moment of silence passed. Holly Blue didn’t turn around. An asteroid crept across the viewing screen. Jasper found her entire body was shaking now.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself. _You fucking coward_. “Holly Blue Agate, ma’am? You called for me?” Nothing. Jasper dropped the salute, cautiously lowering her arms. “What did you need, ma’am? A report?”

Holly Blue may as well have been a statue. Jasper tried to keep her voice steady. It was quiet enough that she could hear her own erratic breathing. “I can give you a report, ma’am. We arrived at-”

Without warning, Holly Blue whirled around and her whip clipped Jasper across her cheek. The pain exploded, searing, and for a moment all she saw was white. Her head snapped to the side and she staggered back, shocked, her hand flying up to her burning face. Holly Blue grabbed her wrist and yanked it away, forcing Jasper to face her.

“War stories?!” She shouted. “I send you on a mission and you tell your soldiers war stories?!”

The next thrash caught Jasper across the chest; she winced and took it silently. Her breath hissed out between her teeth at the pain. She knew from experience it was useless to apologize.

“I send you on a survey mission and you come back with a destroyed Imperial base, a half-dead soldier, and a troop of Rubies thinking you’re worth something?” Jasper was prepared for it this time. Her arms flew up and took the brunt of it, protecting her face. Pain laced up her forearms and she almost cried out. “You need to get your ego checked, Beta. When was the last time you did something right?!”

Jasper was silent, too scared of saying something wrong to speak. Her wounds throbbed. Holly Blue cracked her whip and Jasper flinched back. “Answer me!”

“I don’t know, ma’am.” Jasper didn’t even know if that was true, only that it was what Holly Blue wanted to hear. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the whip.

“Exactly!” Holly Blue spoke through clenched teeth. “You’re useless, you’re useless! Every time I try to be good to you, you squander it! How did you manage to ruin a _survey_ mission, Beta?!”

Jasper couldn’t meet her gaze. “I-”

“Did I say you could speak?!” Jasper shut her mouth immediately. “You’ve made a mess of things yet again. Your General was right to leave you to rot in those prisons.”

And just like that, she was calm again. Her stance relaxed, her scowl melted away, and she sheathed her whip. Jasper’s relief was strong enough to make her knees weaken. Holly Blue turned back toward the screen. “Now go. Do whatever tasks you can manage. I’ll consider if you’ll be able to leave this ship again.”

Jasper nodded, keeping her head bowed. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Get out of my sight.”

Jasper didn’t hesitate, stumbling numbly out of the room. Her body was on autopilot. She made her way back to the prisons without really seeing anything at all, moving with the knowledge she still had to bring food to the Pearl. All she could feel was the sting of her wounds.

Holly Blue had been merciful. Jasper should be thankful. After all, this wasn’t nearly as bad as the last time Jasper had to go see her; she had been holding back. Except for the ones on her arms, her cuts were shallow. They weren’t even bleeding that much.

There was one thing Jasper knew, though, above all the rest: _we all get what we deserve._

It took Jasper longer to return to the prisons on the account of her scrambled mind. She was all over the place, out of focus and distant. Her legs threatened to give in at any moment. She could barely even think straight.

She had gotten when she deserved. She ruined the mission and it was her fault. Eyeball had gotten hurt due to her recklessness. She nearly died. All because Jasper couldn’t control herself.

The pain from her wounds made her stop, sucking in a breath and bracing herself. It felt like her body was on fire. She clenched her teeth, enduring. _It’s what I deserve._

Blinking hard and looking around, she realized she had finally made it to the prisons. The Pearl’s cell was right in front of her. She opened the door slowly and staggered inside, her limbs leaden. She heard a gasp and barely looked up.

The Pearl’s hands were covering her mouth, her eyes wide as she took Jasper in. A moment passed before she spoke. “Are you okay?!”

Jasper just stared, not even able to begin to come up with an answer. She didn’t have the energy to deal with her right now. She just dropped the packet on the ground and went to leave, hand on the doorknob.

“Wait!” Jasper paused, but she didn’t move otherwise. “What happened?”

She turned the doorknob and then found she didn’t have the strength to continue. Anyone who looked at her would be able to tell what happened. The Agate would laugh, probably; the other soldiers definitely would. Or, even worse- they would pity her.

The alternative wasn’t any better. She didn’t want to be around the Pearl, incessant and insolent and full of ridiculous ideas. She was the enemy; she wasn’t to be trusted. But when Jasper tried to leave again, her weak resolve weakened and she slumped against the closed door. She just didn’t have the will to keep standing.

She felt far away, like she was filled with static. Barely aware of the words tumbling out of her mouth, disorganized and scattered and uncontrollable. “I fucked up the mission. I…”

Her knees finally buckled and she slid to the ground. Jasper didn’t even know what she was saying. “The base, it was destroyed by Rebels, and… I got there too late, and I was so angry, and I… and my soldier got shot through the side, and she almost died, and… Fuck. Fuck!” Her anger at herself culminated and she slammed her first into her head, hard. All her pain flared up at once. It was a relief and a punishment at the same time.

The Pearl jumped up from her cot, hand outstretched. “Don’t do that!”

Jasper’s head snapped toward her, and it was like she truly noticed her there for the first time. Her lip curled and she pushed herself up, partially standing. “You… You’re a Rebel too. You’re a part of this. You…”

The Pearl took a step back before she was stopped by the edge of her cot. Jasper tried to approach her, but her legs gave out again and she crashed to the floor. She groaned at the pain it brought, curling up against the wall and staying that way, waiting for it to subside. She steeped in her self-loathing. Her wounded cheek pressed against the floor as she glared at the wall, aching sweetly.

There was a long moment where neither of them moved. Then, the Pearl took a careful step toward her and stopped. Jasper barely even glanced at her. She approached with a few more cautious, halting steps, as if afraid of retaliation at any moment. Jasper just watched, frustrated and wary.

The Pearl stopped at a safe distance. “What happened to your soldier?” She asked, her voice soft.

Jasper pushed herself up very slowly, bracing herself against the wall. She sat against it with a wince and groaned again. Her entire body hurt. “I was stupid.” The Pearl waited. Jasper shook her head at herself and continued. “I ran at Bismuth, and she-”

“Bismuth?!”

Jasper took note of the Pearl’s shock. “Yeah. Eyeball came up and tried to talk me out of it, but I was so angry… She got shot. By your soldiers.” Jasper let venom leak into her voice. The Pearl didn’t react. Jasper continued nonetheless. “And I got emotional.” She laughed mirthlessly, looking at the gashes striping her arms. “I got what I deserved.”

“No!” The vehemence, the passion with which the Pearl said that word made Jasper pause. She glanced back up at the Pearl and found her with her brow furrowed and fists clenched. “No! No one deserves this!”

Jasper didn’t respond, confused at the Pearl’s sincerity. Her capacity for sympathy was foreign to her. It didn’t make sense. Jasper didn’t deserve sympathy, either.

The Pearl took another step and closed the gap between them. She sat down very slowly, still cautious. Jasper didn’t move.

There was a long pause. They watched each other in silence, tense. Jasper took her in; the way she fidgeted endlessly with the fabric of her shirt, the way she even sat gracefully, the way her eyes seemed far too intelligent for a Pearl.

The Renegade Pearl. It seemed like an oxymoron. Pearls had no autonomy. And yet, she sat before Jasper, alluring and fierce- a Pearl and yet not, a slave and a Rebel. Gentle and supportive; independent and unpredictable. A contradiction. Jasper found she couldn’t look away.

Jasper knew she should be on guard- after all, this was the Renegade Pearl- but she was so tired, and she just wanted someone to talk to. Until now, she hadn’t realized just how much. This was satisfying a yearning she didn’t even realize she had. Besides, here in the cell, what threat could she pose? No matter how she seemed, she was still just a Pearl.

A Pearl was harmless. This one would be a convenient distraction, and oh, how Jasper wanted to be distracted. The Pearl was an intriguing enigma, so different from what Jasper was used to. For once, she wanted something different.

With that, against her better judgement, she caved. “What’s your name, anyway?”

“Pearl.” Before Jasper could interject with another question, she started again. “Just Pearl. In the Rebellion, we don’t use identification codes. We find them dehumanizing.”

Jasper snorted. Of course. “That’s dumb.”

“Is it?” Pearl tilted her head to the side. “I’ve seen the way you flinch when people mock your origins. How much you hate your own.” Her voice softened. “Without your identification code, you wouldn’t have to deal with that. You would just be Jasper.”

Jasper glared at her, choosing to ignore the second half of her sentence. For once, she didn’t want to think about the Rebellion. “I don’t flinch. I’m not weak.”

Pearl made a sound that was almost a laugh. “Of course not. But weakness isn’t inherently a bad thing.”

Jasper looked away with a heavy sigh. More Rebel bullshit. “You can say that because you’re a Pearl.”

Her smile was bittersweet. “Maybe so.”

Jasper didn’t know what she was doing. Sitting with the enemy, talking with the enemy, being civil to the enemy like they were friends?! It was ridiculous. If she wasn’t so out of it, she would be appalled at her own behavior. She would be mocking Pearl, mocking the Rebellion and its rejection of the Imperium’s beliefs.

But she was out of it. And for now, it was almost pleasant. She felt… Normal. An odd thought crossed her mind: the Rebellion might be horrible, but Pearl didn’t seem to be that bad.

With that thought, she jerked away as if she had been struck again, her mind suddenly clearing. Pearl wasn’t that bad? Pearl, who created the Rebellion that had caused her so much torment? Pearl, who worked together with Rose Quartz to kill her Diamond?

It felt like it all clicked into place. Her eyes narrowed and she moved further away. “No. No, I see what you’re doing. I’m not stupid.”

Pearl stared at her, and Jasper almost thought she looked confused. It was wishful thinking; she continued. “You’re trying to manipulate me. Get on your side and you’ll have free reign over the prison, right? You just want to use me!”

Jasper hated herself for how much she wanted Pearl to deny it. Was she really so desperate that all someone had to do to win her over was to be nice to her? How did she let her guard down so much? It was pitiful, pitiful. Jasper was pathetic. She dug her nails into her hand until it bled. _Pathetic._

But Pearl looked truly distressed, wringing her hands and averting her eyes. “I wasn’t… I mean, I just…” She sighed and her voice was so quiet it was nearly inaudible. “I feel bad for you.”

Jasper froze, her eyes widening. “What?!”

Pearl whirled around, turning to her, and her voice rose for the first time in Jasper’s presence. “I feel bad for you! You can’t see how much of a slave you are. You- you just… Accept it!” Jasper was stunned. Pearl just stared at her for a moment, breathing hard, before she looked away and her voice was quiet again. “I thought you were just another part of the system when I first met you. Now I realize you’re just as much of a victim as the rest of us.”

Pearl’s words felt like a stab to the gut. For a few seconds, she could only stare, but then her shock turned to fury and she lowered her head. Her eyes were narrowed to slits. “I am not a _victim_ .” She spat the word like poison. “I’m a survivor. I’ve survived this long, and I’ll keep doing it.” She leaned close to Pearl and jabbed her thumb at herself. “ _I’m not weak_.”

Pearl shook her head frantically. “No, that’s not-  I-”

Jasper didn’t let her finish. “And really? Trying to convince me to join your bullshit Rebellion? Do you think I would just forget what you did?!” Pearl shrunk away from her as her voice got louder. “You killed my Diamond!” She flinched. “You forced me into war when I was a child! And you murdered my entire kindergarten!”

The last one made Pearl pause. Her gaze darted up to Jasper, confused. “What? Beta? No.”

Jasper made an incredulous sound. Did she not even know the extent of her own Rebellion’s crimes? “Yes. I’m the only survivor.”

Pearl didn’t even hesitate, she was so assured she was right. “No… You’re not.” At Jasper’s confusion, Pearl’s mouth fell open in realization. Her words were whispered more than anything else. “You don’t even know. They didn’t even tell you.”

Jasper’s patience had run out. “Tell me what?!”

“They’re at the zoo.”

Jasper could only stare, her every fiber of her being denying it. There was no way. All her life, Yellow Diamond had told her… She breathed her next words. “What zoo?”

“The zoo where the Imperium sends defectives. Where they keep the genetically unmodified humans.”

It was like the floor had fallen out from beneath her. That zoo couldn’t exist; there was no way. For her entire life, she had been told that defectives had to be killed. Her entire life, Yellow Diamond told her that her sisters were dead. Her entire life, she had believed it.

The scene from before flashed before her eyes; the infant, the test result, the zoo… It couldn’t. It couldn’t! Yellow Diamond wouldn’t lie to her, she couldn’t, she wouldn’t…

Would she?

Jasper took one step back. Then another. And then she turned and ran out of the cell, down the hallways, her mind racing faster than her feet. If it was true… If it wasn’t… Jasper didn’t know. If it wasn’t true, that would be easy to accept; Pearl and her Rebellion were full of shit and Jasper shouldn’t ever speak to her again. If it was…

She didn’t know. She didn’t want to think about it. She just kept running, not stopping until she reached the hallway Agate’s room was in. She stopped and scanned the area.

Agate was pacing toward her door, obviously irritated. Jasper ducked behind a wall and waited until she heard it shut. Her impatience made the seconds feel like hours. She grit her teeth and forced herself to stay still.

The slam of the door made her jump. She waited another excruciating moment before peering around the corner. It was empty.

She crept along the hall slowly, aware that her cover would be blown if she took too long or made too much noise. It was an agonizing mix of urgency and trepidation. She didn’t fear this Agate nearly as much as Holly Blue, but a whip had the same bite no matter who wielded it.

After what felt like an eternity, she reached the supplies closet. She opened it as silently as she could, wincing as it creaked. Her head swung around toward Agate’s door.

It remained closed. Jasper got moving, stuffing as many bandages into her uniform as she could without making it obvious they were stolen. She never knew when she would need them again.

The handle to Agate’s door turned. Jasper stiffened and could only stare, motionless, as it inched open. She panicked and glanced around the hallway; there was nothing but these two rooms. Looking back at the closet, she glimpsed a space under the bottom shelf and dove under it faster than she could think through her actions, swinging the door shut as she went.

Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest that it was painful. She breathed through her mouth, scared that even that would make too much noise. What she had done was stupid; the door made too much sound when it closed. Agate would know.

Sound came from outside- the steady _click, click_ of Agate’s heeled boots on the floor. It approached the supplies closet slowly and stopped. Jasper shrank away from the door as much as she could in the tight space, trying to find something to conceal herself. The floor was bare.

The door creaked open a sliver. Jasper’s breath caught in her throat.

It stopped as a commotion broke out down nearby. Someone yelled, followed by the smack of skin-on-skin; a fight. Agate cursed under her breath and slammed the door shut again, the clicking of her heels even faster as she retreated.

Jasper let out the breath she had been holding as soon as that sound faded, bursting out of the room and racing down the hall, not glancing back once. She wasted no time in getting back to her room and applying the bandages, ignoring the questions from the other soldier in the room. She couldn’t look like a _victim_ if she wanted to pull off what she was planning.

This time, the bandages burned, especially on the deep cuts on her forearm. The three scrapes on her cheek healed the fastest; she had missed the brunt of the whip there. There was only a faint, thin scar where it had cut the deepest. The same could be said about her chest. Only her arms had noticeable scars when the bandages came off.

Her eyeliner was a little smudged, but she didn’t have the time to touch it up. It still had its intended effect. She grabbed the cape off her bunk and left the room, putting it on as she did, hurrying through the twisting corridors until the halls elongated and quieted like before. She slowed and squared her shoulders, breathing deep. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to find, only that she needed to know what the truth was.

When she reached the door to the kindergarten, she pounded on it with her fist. There was a wait Jasper could barely endure. A Peridot finally opened the door, giving her a once-over and looking up at her suspiciously. Jasper recognized her as the leader from before.

Jasper stared her down evenly. She knew from experience that if she looked like she belonged somewhere, people wouldn’t question her. That was one of the benefits of being a Jasper. Using her roughest, most commanding voice to speak, she took a step closer. “I need to see a registry form. Yellow Diamond’s orders.

The Peridot, for once, was cowed. She stepped back and held the door open, awkward in her eagerness. “Right this way, ma’am. Which establishment’s registry did you need to see?”

Jasper strode in and didn’t give anything a second glance. Her false bravado was becoming more natural with every second. “The zoo.”

The Peridot paused. Jasper looked back at her quizzically. She was still standing in the entrance, looking at Jasper with what was almost suspicion. “Which zoo?”

 _Shit_. With that, Jasper was thrown off guard. She didn’t let that show in her face, instead narrowing her eyes and putting as much condescension into her voice as possible. “Which zoo do you think?”

The Peridot jumped to action, mumbling an apology as she rushed over to a machine and worked it with shaking hands. Jasper followed. The Peridot’s nervousness made her fumble and she had to reenter codes multiple times before she got it right. Eventually, she pulled up a registry and stepped aside, gesturing to Jasper. “It’s all yours.”

Hopefully it would be the right one. Jasper leaned down- she was much bigger than the size the machine was made for- and stared at the search bar, suddenly nervous. Did she really want to know? Was she really ready to find out? Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. What would she do if Pearl was telling the truth?

She glanced over her shoulder and found the Peridot giving her a look. Jasper glared and she jumped, scampering off somewhere else. Jasper returned to the screen and took a deep breath. It was now or never. She typed in the letter “B”.

A list. An entire list. _B-9xR. B-4xE. B-3xA_. Jasper scrolled and stared at them, barely comprehending what she was seeing. _B-8xL. B-0xA. B-2xK_. Her shock increased the longer the list went on until she was gripping the edge of the machine with white knuckles.

There were thirty two in all. Thirty two of her sisters, still alive. Thirty two people she thought were dead for a century.

She couldn’t even breathe properly. She thought she would be happy, but this… This nauseating, roiling mess of emotions wasn’t something she could even begin to sort out. For a century, she had been lied to. She had been lied to by the one person she thought she could trust.

Pearl had told the truth and Yellow Diamond had lied to her.

Jasper struggled to keep her face blank as she stepped back. Walking out slowly and assuredly was the biggest challenge yet. She couldn’t blow her cover. She felt like she was overflowing with emotions that were begging to be released in some way; in any way. She managed nonetheless, closing the door before she even began to speed up. Soon after, she was sprinting.

Defectives were eliminated. Her sisters were dead for a reason. She survived because she was exemplary. Those three things had been spoon-fed to her ever since she left Beta; ever since Pink Diamond died. Yellow Diamond made sure of that. What else had she lied to Jasper about?

She went to the gymnasium, hoping physical activity would help her sort things out and clear her mind. For a while, it worked, but her thoughts soon returned and clambered for her attention. She trained as she considered them.

The Rebellion killed Pink Diamond. That was true; Jasper had seen it with her own eyes. But she had never witnessed all of her sisters being killed. It was just had she had been told on the evacuation shuttle. Why had she believed them? Was it easier than knowing they were alive?

Jasper decimated a hologram and another immediately took its place, knocking her off balance. She blocked the next blow and went for its throat.

The implications of her sister’s lives made Jasper even more uncomfortable. Someone- she wasn’t sure if it was Yellow or Pink Diamond- took advantage of the situation to separate her from her them. They lied to her so she would never go looking for them.

She attacked the next hologram with a new ferocity, clawing through its abdomen before whirling around and taking down another. She didn’t pause for a second.

The Rebellion didn’t kill all her sisters, then. She was still infuriated by it- they still attacked and they still killed quite a few of them- but the fact that some were alive took the edge off of it. Now, without the anger overpowering her reason, she could see it as a tactical move. One she despised and sure as hell disagreed with, but one that made sense nonetheless. Wiping out a new batch of soldiers before they had a chance to become a threat was smart, in a cruel way.

Her statistics came up. She was improving, bit by bit. She didn’t hesitate on starting the next simulation, her mind still whirling.

Thirty two other Betas. Thirty two other sisters she hadn’t seen in one hundred years. What were they like? Did they all know each other? Did they get along? Would they like Jasper?

Jasper scoffed at herself as she dispatched another hologram. Why would they like her? She didn’t even like herself. There was nothing to like. She was just a frayed ball of instinct and anger at this point, constantly on edge. They would rightfully despise her.

Even if they were alive, it wasn’t like Jasper would ever be able to meet them. Yellow Diamond would never permit her to go near the zoo if she didn’t even let Jasper know of its existence.

At that thought, another emotion welled up- hurt. Hurt and betrayal. She had trusted Yellow Diamond to tell her the truth. She was Jasper’s new Diamond; Jasper was supposed to put all her faith in her. Although she ever truly considered her to be equal with Pink Diamond, she still wanted to believe Yellow Diamond would treat her well.

Jasper had accepted so much of what Yellow Diamond had taught her. How much of it was a lie? How many of Jasper’s integral beliefs were false?

And how much of what Pearl said was true?

Her training session ended. She stood motionless for a long moment, the thought blotting out everything else. She opposed it so much that it nauseated her, but at the same time, she couldn’t quite suppress it. If her sisters were alive, so much else she believed in could be wrong as well. It was just a fact.

What she had mocked before… The things Pearl told her… She couldn’t rightfully like the organization that murdered her Diamond. But if she separated what Pearl said from the Rebellion and considered it on it’s own, biased as it was… It was terrible to consider. She hated the thought. But she couldn’t get it out of her head.

Who could she trust if even Yellow Diamond was a liar?

The locker room was empty when she emerged from the shower. She found her communicator buzzing; it was lunchtime already. She shut off the alarm and dressed, still thinking. Her appetite was gone when she arrived at the cafeteria. She went straight to Pearl’s cell instead.

It was dimly lit; Jasper couldn’t see Pearl from the doorway. She closed it behind her carefully before speaking, scared someone would hear.

“You were right,” Jasper said, and the words felt like sandpaper in her throat. “They’re still alive. You didn’t kill them all.”

Silence. Jasper leaned against the doorway for support, the knowledge only becoming heavier as she said it aloud. “Why would she do it?”

Pearl’s voice came from the darkness of the cell. “Would you want to be here if you knew?”

She wouldn’t- she didn’t. Jasper knew that for certain. She hated the Mothership, hated the constant reminder of her origins, hated her inferiority being rubbed in her face every chance someone else got. With her sisters, she would finally have a place to belong.

Jasper buried her head in her hands, overcome. She didn’t know how to even begin processing this. “All this time. All this time, she lied to me.” Her voice was rough with emotion. “All this time, I believed it.”

Pearl’s voice was as soft as the shadows surrounding her. “I won’t lie to you.”

Jasper looked up, squinting, trying to see even the outline of her form. She took an unsteady step forward. The way Pearl spoke made her feel… _No. No_. She swallowed hard and retreated, forcing her legs to move. “I have to go.”

Jasper dropped the packet of food hastily as she left, not hesitating to open the door and escape the room. Her hands were shaking again. She could feel Pearl’s gaze burning into her back the whole time.


	4. Chapter 4

_“I won’t lie to you.”_

_Five words- tender, sincere. Enough to make Jasper’s breath catch in her throat. She stumbled blindly into the darkness of the cell, groping, searching for some trace of Pearl. Her hands closed around empty air. The shadows enveloped her and she could hear nothing but her own heavy breathing. The dark seemed to hold weight to it, like soft black cotton surrounding her on all sides._

_Then, a touch upon her wrist, fleeting. Jasper reached out and stepped closer. She still could see nothing. That same hand cupped her cheek and she leaned into it, her eyes fluttering closed._

_“I won’t lie to you.” When she opened her eyes again, she could see Pearl in front of her, dim but still visible. She looked up at Jasper through a lidded gaze. The cell was gone. It was just the two of them in the darkness, hidden away._

_Pearl’s thumb traced the scar over her right cheekbone, her touch feeling like fire. Her hand slid down and all of a sudden, her arms were around Jasper, pulling her close. Jasper leaned down and kissed her jaw, her neck. Fingers twisted in her hair and she became more bold, her hands caressing Pearl’s sides. And then those fingers tightened and pulled her back by the hair, hard enough to make her mouth fall open. She shuddered at the feeling._

_“Down.”_

_Jasper obeyed, her knees thudding against the ground as she sank to them, not breaking eye contact with Pearl. Her hand urged Jasper’s head closer and she gripped the backs of Pearl’s thighs, leaning in and-_

 

Jasper awoke with a start in her own bed, surrounded by the quiet sounds of three other soldiers sleeping. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She ran a shaky hand through her hair and laid back down slowly, her eyes fixed on the bottom of the bunk above.

That dream again. It was the third time it had happened that week, and each time, it was a little more mortifying. Not only because of it’s obvious implications, but because of how much she enjoyed it. She wasn’t sure what had awoken her this time, but she was almost disappointed. Before, the dream had advanced beyond that, after-

Dammit, no! Her, a Jasper, servicing a Pearl on her knees?! It was ridiculous. She knew of Jaspers who owned Pearls, and she was certain it was supposed to be the other way around. And while that was appealing as well-

Jasper cut off that thought before it could even fully form. Pearl was a prisoner and a Rebel; to think of her like this was unheard of. Beyond shameful. At the very least, it was highly inappropriate. Jaspers were supposed to take what was theirs. This desire for submission was almost… Defective.

Jasper laughed sourly. Maybe she wasn’t as perfect as her Kindergarteners thought.

The dream still lingered in her mind, and, try as she might to resist, her thoughts still wandered back to Pearl. This was inevitable, she supposed. It was bound to happen at some point. Pearls were made to be enticing to people like her; they were tailored as pretty little tokens for exemplary soldiers. It was half the reason soldiers even wanted to excel. After all, what was more appealing than coming back to a Pearl, alluring and pliable...

Jasper sighed and gave in. Trying to stop this now would be useless; she was too deep already. She had let her guard down too much, and now, she was suffering the consequences.

It was in her genetics, anyway. And besides, Pearl was intriguing; Jasper couldn’t help but wonder about her. What kind of Pearl was she before the war? Who was she made for? Who let her become so outspoken, so autonomous? Was it really just Rose Quartz?

Jasper had to begrudgingly admit that, if it was her, she had done a good job. Pearl would be a pain in the ass to recondition. Jasper doubted she would ever truly be able to abandon what the Rebellion had instilled in her.

The past week had made that abundantly clear. Pearl was charming and certainly eloquent; Jasper didn’t even realize Pearls could have such extensive vocabularies. It would almost be a waste for her to lose those traits. A necessary waste, but a waste nonetheless. Individuality was not a virtue in the Imperium. Who would want her?

Well, maybe, just a little, Jasper might. Something about her was entertaining enough that Jasper nearly looked forward to seeing her. She wasn’t like anything else on the Mothership. And she was definitely attractive in that delicate, pretty way Pearls always were. If she just had some sense knocked into her…

Of course, Jasper would never be able to own a Pearl. Her origins and recent demotion made certain of that. It was nice to think about, though; since that day, she nearly had begun to enjoy Pearl’s companionship. Once she was reconditioned, she would really be something.

The lights flashed on and the wake-up call blared. Jasper squinted at the sudden brightness and rolled out of her bunk, getting ready for the day. The other soldiers around her started doing the same.

The past week, Jasper had been struggling to process what she had learned. She still didn’t know how to deal with it; how was she supposed to react to being lied to her whole life? She had no precedent. Nothing had really changed, anyway. She still couldn’t see her sisters, and she still had to serve Yellow Diamond. The knowledge just made things harder.

So, she did what she knew best- she suppressed all feelings on the matter until they were almost unnoticeable. There was nothing she could do. She was stuck serving the Imperium whether she liked it or not.

Recently, she had been on a few missions; simple things, like guarding delivery ships or overseeing simple tasks. Nothing that took longer than a day to complete. On one hand, it was demeaning, but on the other, she hadn’t managed to screw them up in any way. She could be moving closer to a promotion with each successful trip.

The cafeteria was almost empty when she arrived- she had gotten up early enough to miss most of the crowd. That was nice. Jasper didn’t talk to anyone else and she didn't plan to. These soldiers were fledglings and Jasper was a veteran. It was insulting enough to even be roomed with them. Besides, it was abundantly clear none of them wanted to be friendly with a Beta soldier.

After finishing her own breakfast, she grabbed Pearl’s and made her way to her cell. She passed a Peridot on the way- oddly, it was the same one from the vehicle bay. She barely gave Jasper a second glance. Jasper watched her go.

Strange.

For now, though, it wasn’t her business. Not until it got any stranger. Jasper just continued on to Pearl’s cell and entered.

Pearl seemed to be in higher spirits than normal. She even smiled at Jasper a little when she opened the door. “Hello.”

Jasper couldn’t look at her without thinking of the dream. She kept her eyes on the floor instead, nodding awkwardly before dropping the food and going back out into the hall. She didn’t want to leave so quickly, but she saw no other choice. If she stayed, she might…

Her communicator buzzed. She stepped aside, out of the way of the traffic in the hallways, and answered the call. Holly Blue appeared on the screen. She briefly glanced at Jasper before turning to whatever it was she was working on. Jasper instinctively saluted. “Come to my office. I have a mission for you.”

She ended the call before Jasper could even acknowledge that she heard. Jasper just shoved her communicator back in her belt and started toward Blue Diamond’s sector.

Soon, Holly Blue’s doors came into sight. They were just as nerve-wracking to see as the previous three times. This time, however, there wasn’t the imminent threat of punishment hanging over Jasper’s head. Holly Blue had been as merciful as she was capable the past few days, anyway. It gave her the strength to knock without hesitating.

“Yes, come in.”

Jasper opened the door and entered, proud that her hands barely shook at all. Holly Blue was sitting at her desk, engrossed in work. She glanced up at Jasper and her expression shifted. “Nice to see you’re punctual for once.”

Jasper didn’t respond. She returned to the display she was working at. “Let me pull up the mission summary. It’ll be good to get you away from that Pearl, anyway. You’re spending way too much time with her.”

Jasper suddenly felt nervous. Could Holly Blue tell? “Ma’am?”

Holly Blue waved her hand dismissively. “Your Agate overseer told me you’re spending a lot of time in that cell. Don’t let her beguile you, Beta. Pearls always have a way of getting you attached to them. My Pearls are a pain like that. And you have to be extremely cautious with this one; she’s a Rebel. Far too educated for her own good. Don’t trust what she says.”

 _I can trust her more than Yellow Diamond, apparently_. Jasper dismissed the thought. There was nothing she could do. She just nodded.

Holly Blue wasn’t really paying attention now, still typing into her screen. When she spoke again, it seemed like she was talking to herself more than anyone else. She would never be this amicable with Jasper normally. “And the upkeep! They can get so lonely, and they need such direction, and they’re so needy… People don’t realize how much work it is to take care of one. They just see it as a novelty.” She rolled her eyes and suddenly was back to her usual, derisive self. “What am I saying. It’s not like you’ll ever be able to own one.”

Jasper was on edge again. “Yes, ma’am.”

Holly Blue finished her search and turned back to Jasper, folding her hands on the table. “There’s an open position for a Jasper or Amethyst to guard a ship taking a troop to an Imperial outpost. They’ve been under attack by Rebels for the past few days and are calling for reinforcements. You’ll be little more than a precaution and will be traveling in a fleet consisting of six others with the same mission. It will be a week-round trip. Is that clear?

Jasper nodded. “Yes, ma’am!”

“Good. The ship leaves tomorrow after breakfast. Don’t be late.” She fixed a very stern look on Jasper. “Don’t mess this up and I’ll consider you for a real job.”

She returned to her screen, saying nothing more. Jasper left the room without hesitating, eager to get away from her. Even if she wasn’t angry, Jasper hated being near her.

By the time she found her way back to Pink Diamond’s sector, it was halfway through lunch and she was late bringing food to Pearl. She doubted Pearl had that accurate of a grasp on time after being in the cell for so long, but she still rushed herself. Oddly enough, she didn’t want to keep her waiting.

On her way to Pearl’s cell she saw the same Peridot again. This time, she was leaving the prisons. That definitely wasn’t normal. Jasper narrowed her eyes and approached her, grabbing her by the shoulder as she passed by. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in the vehicle bay?”

The Peridot shrugged, not at all threatened. Peridots were always this insolent and it never failed to annoy Jasper. “I would be if you soldiers didn’t break everything you got your hands on.”

Jasper glared at her, tightening her grip. The Peridot didn’t even flinch. Her face didn’t reveal anything, and she was nonchalant enough that it just made Jasper more frustrated. Her claim had legitimacy, too; soldiers did have a tendency to roughhouse too much. There was even the broken lock near Agate’s room.

Jasper released her reluctantly, not entirely convinced. She had nothing to truly warrant that suspicion, though, so she simply watched her leave again. She would keep an eye out from now on.

Pearl was sitting on her cot when Jasper entered, legs crossed and back straight. She gazed at Jasper evenly as she entered. “You’re late.”

“I didn’t think you would notice.”

Pearl’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly. “I’m not helpless. I at least know what time it is.”

Jasper didn’t respond. She considered leaving, but then she thought about how long it would be before she saw Pearl again and sat against the door, not caring what the Agate thought. She would be gone for a week, anyway.

Pearl watched her curiously. Jasper was never a conversationalist. She searched her mind for something, anything, to say. The first thing she thought was the first thing she said. “So do you do anything a normal Pearl does? I know you dance.” The corner of her mouth twisted upward. “Or did you forsake all of that in an act of rebellion or something?”

Pearl looked faintly amused. “No. I still enjoy those things because I’m still a normal Pearl. I was just given a choice to do something else.”

Jasper’s brow furrowed. “You’re obviously not a normal Pearl, though. You’re intelligent and you can fight.”

Pearl shook her head, sighing.“When I was made… The other Pearls in my batch, we…” She couldn’t seem to find the words. Eventually, she gave up. “We’re not born slaves. It’s socialized into us. We say nothing and act stupid because it’s the only option we have. Just as you fight because you must.”

“I like fighting.”

Pearl raised an eyebrow, looking at her with those intelligent eyes, and Jasper suddenly got the feeling she could see right through her. “Are you sure about that?”

Jasper shifted, uncomfortable. She had questioned the Imperium enough in a week; she didn’t need to consider anything else that might make her doubt it again. It would just drag her down. She switched back to the topic from before, considering what Pearl had said.

It made sense to a point; Pearl was still engineered to be submissive and meek, just as Jasper was engineered to be ferocious and dominant, despite what her dreams seemed to reveal. “Okay. Let’s assume that you’re just socialized to be subservient. Your behavior would all be learned, right? Why do you still obey that if you have the choice not to? If you can defy your genes- or your conditioning- why follow them at all?”

Pearl smiled a little. “Because I have the choice. That’s the freedom of it. I don’t have to sing. I’m not being commanded to sing. I’m singing of my own free will, and that in and of itself is an act of rebellion.”

Jasper was impressed. It really would be a shame to lose this. She was so articulate; Jasper just liked hearing her talk. It was odd. But if her speaking voice was so lovely… “Can you sing for me?”

Pearl’s answer was immediate. “No.”

Jasper just stared for a long moment. She wasn’t expecting refusal, especially not from a Pearl. “Why not?”

Pearl just looked down at her coolly. “Would you fight for me if I asked?”

“Yes.” Jasper was surprised by how quickly she responded. Pearl was, too, judging by her expression. Jasper couldn’t tell if she was flustered or flattered. “I would fight you, too. I’ll show you how strong I am.”

“You already fought me. You lost.”

Jasper averted her gaze, embarrassed. “That was unusual. It won’t happen again.”

She heard rustling and glanced back to find Pearl adjusting her position, bringing her hands in front of her and leaning on them. All that was visible of her face was her eyes, gazing up at Jasper. She found she couldn’t look away. “We can’t fight again if I’m stuck in this cell.”

Jasper felt that same emotion tugging at her and tore her eyes away from Pearl, trying to suppress it. No matter how charming Pearl was, for now, she was the enemy. Jasper couldn’t even allow herself to think like that, not until she was reconditioned. She couldn’t let herself want Pearl.

It lingered nonetheless.

Pearl’s voice cut into her thoughts. Her gaze was as steady as ever. “You can’t be sure about that you’d win the next time, you know. I might surprise you.”

For a short, ridiculous moment, Jasper got the feeling that Pearl was a force to be reckoned with. It only intensified her desire. She dug her nails into her palm to steady herself and was suddenly glad she would have a chance to be away from Pearl for a few days. This was getting harder to control.

That reminded her… “I won’t be here for the next week. You’ll have someone else bring you food.”

"Oh?” A flash of something- Jasper could have sworn it was fear- crossed Pearl’s face for an instant. But then, it was gone, replaced by a small smile. When she spoke again, her voice was breathy enough to be a whisper. “That’s a shame.”

 Jasper swallowed hard, her heart suddenly pounding. Holly Blue’s words echoed and she forced herself to stand, her hand feeling for the doorknob. She couldn’t let Pearl enchant her like this. It was a liability.

She found the doorknob and hesitated. She wanted to stay, but rational part of her screamed at her to leave as fast as she could before she did something she’d regret. She wet her lips and nodded. “Yes. It’s… A shame.”

Finally opening the door, she cast a look over her shoulder at Pearl. Something about her seemed melancholy, her gaze fixed to the floor. She sighed almost inaudibly. “Goodbye,” She murmured.

It felt strangely final.

-

The vehicle bay was emptier in the morning. Jasper had gotten to her assigned ship early and was leaning against the hull, waiting for the rest of the crew to arrive. Even this early in the morning, the bay was a hub of activity.

Jasper pushed her hair out of her face and watched the crowd. It was a relief to get away from the Mothership for an entire week, but at the same time, she had an odd sense of unease. She checked the time.

The heavy clunk of a Peridot’s boots slowly approached. She glanced up to see the same one who she had confronted the day before, muttering annoyedly into her log. Jasper shifted uncomfortably. This was going to be awkward.

The Peridot only glanced at her in passing, though, giving her a look as she ended the recording and unlocked the hatch. She stepped inside and called out after her. “Don’t just stand out there.”

Jasper boarded, stopping at the hatch for a moment to take it in. The ship was much larger than the Roaming Eye- it had to be to support so many people for an extended period of time- and it was furnished better, too. Where she entered led to a hallway filled with crew cabins. Jasper looked in one and saw each room even had its own bathroom.

At the end of the corridor was the bridge. Peridot was already there, starting up the ship and leaving it on idle. This kind of vessel required a much more sophisticated touch; Jasper doubted she would be able to maneuver it. She entered the room and watched Peridot work. “What should I call you? Since we’re going to be working together for a while.”

The Peridot barely even glanced up. “Just Peridot.” There was a pause. “What about you?”

Jasper almost responded with her identification code, but something stopped her. Maybe, just this once, she could forget about where she came from. Just this once, her caste name would be enough. Just this once, she could be like any other Jasper. “Just Jasper.”

Silence fell between them. Jasper decided to explore the rest of the ship, going down to the bottom floor and finding herself in the crew commons. This floor was much smaller than the first, the only other room being a small kitchen. It was still bigger and finer than most of the transport vessels she’d been on. Each crew member would be able to have their own room instead of the tiny bunks she was accustomed to; it was probably meant to carry a bigger party than theirs.

She ascended again and returned to the bridge. It was much more crowded than before, filled with Rubies- Jasper realized they were the troop she worked with before. She grinned, pleasantly surprised, especially when her eyes fell upon the Ruby closest to her. “It’s good to see you again, Eyeball. How have you recovered?”

Eyeball whirled around and beamed, wide-eyed. She ran up to Jasper and the other Rubies followed. “Ma’am, yes ma’am! It’s good to see you again, too! And don’t you worry about me. A blaster shot can’t take this vet down!” She lifted up her shirt to reveal a scar on her abdomen. “It just makes me look scarier!”

Jasper nearly laughed at that, dropping down to be eye level with her. “I never thanked you properly. Running out into enemy fire to convince me to stop? You’ve got guts. Better than most of the cowards I’ve worked with.”

Eyeball stared for a long moment, stunned, before her one eye filled with tears. The other Rubies burst into laughter as she swiped at it, her smile even wider than before. When she spoke again, her voice was choked with emotion. “Thank you, ma’am!”

Jasper stood. Navy tried to console Eyeball and Doc gave her a congratulatory slap on the shoulder. They were all so close; with a pang, Jasper wondered if she would be the same way with her sisters.

She sighed. Thinking like that was pointless. She went over to the dashboard instead, where Peridot was still hunched over and working. They were already out in space, speeding toward the outpost. Jasper saw they would be arriving in three days.

“I didn’t realize you had a fanclub,” Peridot said.

Jasper leaned back on the wall and watched them. Eyeball’s face was red as they teased her- when she glanced over and saw Jasper was looking she turned even redder. Jasper smiled. “Neither did I.”

    -

Jasper jolted out of bed in a cold sweat, clawing at the covers like she was drowning in them. She coughed and gasped for air, still feeling the phantom burn of smoke in her lungs. Her heart was racing painfully. She tried to slow her erratic breathing.

The dream still echoed in the back of her mind- the battlefield, loud and clamoring and endless, and the burn of her muscles as she fought her way through it- breaking through the fight, chest heaving, only to be thrown right back in- her Diamond, lying on the dirt, her blood soaking into Jasper’s boots as she ran toward her, hands outstretched-

Jasper clamped her hand over her mouth, trying to keep from vomiting. She squeezed her eyes shut, attempting to block out the images. Her chest was painfully tight and, as much as she didn't want to admit it, she was shaking. She never wanted to feel that weak again. Never.

No matter how long it was since Jasper left the front lines, they never seemed to leave her. For the first time in weeks, she had one of her painfully vivid nightmares about her time at the start of the war, throwing her back into those torturous first years until she was almost convinced it was reality. It would always reawaken that fear, that helplessness, that visceral energy that would settle into her body and stay there, thrumming and agonizing and endless.

She tried to drive those thoughts out of her mind and will away her reaction as she slowly laid back, opening up her eyes again and staring at the ceiling. The only sound in the room was her breathing, still quick and heavy.

That war no longer existed, not in the same way. Now, fighting against the Rebels took place in the confines of a battleship, completely disconnected. Jasper liked it better that way. Steel and metal were inorganic and lifeless, and it was easier to kill someone when you didn’t have to see the fear on their face; when you didn’t have to recognize them as another person.

Besides, the last time Jasper had to fight like that was over half a century ago. She shouldn’t have even been bothered by it. Fighting was what she was made for; to be terrified of it was a weakness, a defect. It made her even less of a Jasper than she already was.

She couldn't keep thinking about this. She forced herself to divert her attention elsewhere, knowing she wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. As much as she tried to ignore it, the dream stubbornly clung to the back of her mind. Her heart was still racing.

It was the morning of the third day; they would be arriving at the outpost today. The first two days had passed without incident. Jasper had begun to relax into her role, spending most of her time talking to the Rubies or just thinking on her own. Holly Blue was right- her job was little more than a precaution. She wasn't needed at all.

She sighed. Well, at least she didn't have a chance of screwing this up. Maybe she would finally be considered for something that was fit for her capabilities.

As she laid there, staring blankly into the darkness, her wandering mind went to Pearl. What was she doing? Hopefully not causing too much trouble for whoever was Jasper's replacement. Did she ever think of Jasper?

She really was pretty. Jasper usually didn't like Pearls- she favored the strong, intimidating, dramatic beauty of the other soldiers- but Pearl seemed to have a strength about her. And she was so graceful, and carried herself so elegantly...

Usually, Jasper would have stopped this line of thinking long ago, but for once, she didn't. This topic was easier to think about than the war- albeit a little treasonous- and Jasper would take what she could get. Besides, ever since Pearl told her about the zoo, Jasper couldn't seem to truly get her out of her head...

This is how Pearls were engineered to be, Jasper reminded herself as her hand slid up her thigh. They were supposed to be attractive and eye-catching. That was their purpose. Pearl hadn't lost that, even if she rejected everything else.

No, her rebellion just made her more alluring. She was unique. Her determination, her wit, her bravery. She seemed untouchable to Jasper, and that just turned her on all the more.

With that, she let herself become absorbed in her thoughts. Pearl was delicate and captivating- even the way she moved was beautiful. Her voice was gentle and lovely, and her skin... Jasper wondered if she was soft. She looked soft. What would it be like to touch her, to kiss her...

To fuck her?

Jasper hesitated. This was a dangerous path to go down, no matter how tempting it was. Pearl was a Rebel and an enemy and-

_Fuck it. Just this once._

Jasper imagined holding her, tiny and fragile in her arms. Jasper would almost be afraid to touch her. Pearls were supposed to be submissive, right? Pearl didn't conform to her genes, but would she in this case?

Maybe she did. Maybe she liked it rough, liked being used. The thought of it; the image of her, spent and thoroughly fucked... it was almost too much. Jasper would eagerly deliver. She would pin her against the wall, sink her teeth into her neck, curl her fingers inside of her until she was begging for release...

Her hand slipped under the waistband of her pants. She was alone in her room, so she caved to her desires for the first time, letting her fingers move lower. She was incredibly aroused; it was almost embarrassing to see just how much she wanted Pearl. She bit her lip and let her mind go back to the dream. On her knees, in front of her..

Jasper suddenly realized just how much more more appealing that was. She wanted Pearl to dominate her. To admit it was mortifying and freeing all at once. She wanted Pearl to tell her what to do, to command her. There was an allure to it she couldn’t explain.

On her knees... She would kiss Pearl's thighs first. She would want to feel Pearl's hands curl into her hair as she went higher, pushing her closer, urging her on. She would part her folds with her tongue, suck on her clit, make her back arch and bask in the sounds of her shuddering gasps until she came against her, crying out...

A small sound escaped from Jasper's throat. She slipped a finger inside of herself and quickly added another. She was already wet enough that it was easy. If she wasn't so absorbed in her fantasies, she would be mortified about it.

How would Pearl sound? Maybe she would be silent until the end, coming with a rush of staccato gasps and breathy, sweet moans. Maybe she would be loud, her pretty voice crying out the whole as Jasper fucked her, high and lovely. Maybe her voice wouldn’t be pretty; maybe it would get rough and throaty as time went on, unbecoming and wonderfully erotic. Jasper wanted to feel her pressed against her eager mouth, hands in her hair and thighs draped over her shoulders...

Maybe, like that... Maybe Pearl would pull on her hair like she did in the dream. Jasper reached up with her other hand and tugged on it, hard enough to elicit a moan. Yes, she would like that very much. Or... she smacked herself and the pain went straight to her clit. She gasped and did it again, her fingers moving quicker. She wanted Pearl to punish her, to... Her hand traveled down again and she raked her nails down her inner thigh. The pain mixed with the pleasure in a way that was almost too much.  
 

If Pearl touched her... Jasper could only imagine. She had hundreds of years of experience ahead of her. She would have that same self-assured attitude, those same smoldering eyes... Those long fingers, caressing her body, thrusting inside of her…

The sound she made this time was loud enough that she was worried she’d wake up the others. She covered her mouth with her hand before another could escape. She wanted that. She wanted Pearl to bend her over and fuck her from behind, to feel her hot breath on her neck, to hear her whisper how good Jasper was… 

She could feel her orgasm building. Ever touch became even more sweetly torturous until the movements of her fingers became frantic. Little sounds she couldn't contain fell out of her mouth, turning into short gasps the closer she got.

She lost herself in the feeling, gyrating against her hand until it burst its way out of her. She stiffened as it overcame her, her hand stifling her shout. The world faded out for a moment and she gave in to a few treasured seconds of bliss. She rode it out, hand still moving until the last traces of pleasure had faded.

She laid like that for a while- heart pounding, chest heaving- before a laugh forced its way out of her, harsh and mirthless. What was she doing? She was so enraptured with a Pearl that she would fall to this? It was pitiful. It was...

For the time being, harmless. It had distracted her, and now, she didn't feel as awful. It had fulfilled its purpose and Jasper wouldn't dwell on it any more than that. She didn't need any more reasons to hate herself.

After all, she already wanted to be subservient to a Pearl.

Sudden banging on the door jolted her out of her thoughts and she jumped out of bed, pushing her hair out of her face and trying to make it look as if she hadn’t fucked herself. “Yes?” Her voice was still breathy; it was incriminating.

However, it was Doc’s voice that responded, entirely unsuspecting. “Jasper, ma’am! You’re needed on the bridge, ma’am!”

“I’ll be right there.” She started toward the small bathroom and cleaned herself up, trying her best to make herself look at least somewhat presentable. Her eyeliner was rushed and her mane of hair was still a mess, but it was better than before. She grabbed her cape on the way out and hurried to the bridge.

Peridot whirled around as soon as she entered, furious. The Rubies all turned to look at her. “Where have you been?! I’ve been trying to call you for the past ten minutes!”

Jasper had forgotten to turn her communicator back on. She shrugged, unbothered. Peridots would never be intimidating to her. “I was in the middle of something. I’m here now.”

Peridot just huffed and turned back to the viewing screen. She tapped a few buttons on the dashboard and brought up a visual of three Rebel ships. “We’re being followed.”

Jasper was immediately alert. “What?!” She squinted at the radar on the dashboard. The Rebel ships were clearly visible, following their formation three parsecs behind. They maintained that distance, neither approaching or retreating. It was just out of range of their guns; it was smart.

“The Captain of our fleet alerted us, ma’am,” Eyeball said. “The Rebels must have found out about what we’re doing.”

Of course! Stop the reinforcements before they arrive. It made perfect sense. Jasper approached the viewing screen and leaned closer, peering at the display and ignoring Peridot’s complaints. Her eyes widened and she suddenly felt very cold. “I know that ship. In the middle.” She jabbed a finger at it. It was the same ship that had boarded her kindergarten, piloted by the same people who killed her batch. Jasper was stunned it was still in working order. She had to admit that the Rebels at least took good care of their machinery.

Peridot at once looked very nervous. “You do?”

Jasper nodded. She would recognize that red and blue paint anywhere. “Do any of you know about Garnet?” Her eyes swept the group before her. Eyeball raised an eager hand and Jasper acknowledged it.

“I do, Jasper, ma’am. She was the child of a Ruby guard and a Sapphire- created without any specific genetic engineering. It’s forbidden. She was casteless.”

A murmur of shock went through the Rubies. Peridot turned to her, her fingers hovering uncertainly above the dashboard. She almost looked afraid. “What… Do we do?”

Jasper brushed her out of the pilot seat. She yelped as she nearly fell to the ground, protesting the whole while. Jasper just sat down and reached for the intercom. “Captain, this is the Jasper guard from Ship Four. I have intel on the ship leading that formation.”

The response was immediate. I’m listening. What do you know?”

Jasper leaned on one hand, the microphone in the other. Her brow furrowed as she studied the ship. “It’s being led by Garnet, the human created by the Rebel Ruby and Sapphire that defected back when this whole mess started. She’s casteless- no specific engineering except for an extended lifespan- so she’s unpredictable. But I’ve seen her fight.”

There was a pause. “Go on.”

Jasper called back her earliest memories. Beta, in flames. Garnet and Bismuth, side by side, commanding the troop of Rebels that were boarding the ship. Giving out the orders that would kill her sisters. They ran towards her first, defective and helpless, hoping-

Jasper blocked out the thought, suppressing a shudder. She didn’t need to remember any more than that. “She’s quick to violence, but she’s calculated, too. She’s probably observing us, waiting for a breach in our security.”

There was a pause and muffled voices. The Captain soon returned. “So she’s a high-ranking Rebel who’s been alive for a century. She’s casteless and so we can’t predict what she’s like. What else?”

Jasper steeled herself before she thought of that day again, trying to single out Garnet. What was she like? What was she doing? In the middle of the fray… _Jasper remembered charging for her, ready to tear her to pieces, stumbling over the bodies. So many Betas. So many Rebels. Her fists were streaked with blood that was not her own. She leased a roar and then Garnet turned away and suddenly stiffened and…_

Jasper cut it off and found she was shaking. She shook her head slightly, taking deep breaths. She had to focus on the task at hand; she had remembered what she needed to and didn’t have to think about it anymore. She was in the present. It was over.

She cleared her throat before she spoke, just in case. “She can see into the future.”

“So she does have genetic engineering! She’s a Sapphire?”

Jasper tried to find a way to put it into words. “Not quite. She’s more… A combination of what a Sapphire and a Ruby are capable of. Something completely new.”

There was a sharp, loud sound from the other side as the Captain cursed. “Stars above.” She conferred with others again, their conversation muted. Jasper couldn’t make out what they were saying. She just watched the Rebel ships, slightly nervous.

The Captain returned, this time much more composed. She addressed the whole fleet. “Get into formation. We outnumber them five to three. The Rebellion isn’t outfitted as well as us; our weaponry is-”

The Captain’s words faded out as Jasper watched the barrels of Garnet’s ship begin to glow, the light concentrating in two distinct points. She recognized that; she remembered it from her retreat. Her breath caught in her throat and she lunged forward, slamming her hand on the broadcast button again. “CAPTAIN! SHIELDS UP!”

Peridot dove forward and grabbed the controls, nearly throwing herself over Jasper in the process. The ship lurched to the side and Jasper held tight to the edge of the dashboard, her eyes not leaving Garnet’s ship. A powerful beam of light shot out from the barrels and streaked past them, narrowly missing their ship. Jasper felt a shudder run through it and the intercom crackled before going silent.

Jasper felt her stomach drop and shoved Peridot aside, pressing the transmission button frantically. Her heart was in her throat. “Captain! Captain!”

Nothing. The ship’s broadcast wasn’t going through; it had nowhere to broadcast to. Jasper whirled toward the radar, already knowing what she was going to find.

The Captain’s ship was gone.

“No. No!” Jasper pounded the radar with her fist as if it was going to change anything. The display remained the same ship one and two had been decimated in the blast. The Captain was dead.

Jasper just stared, paralyzed. The Captain was dead. The Captain was dead. They had no one to direct them, no one to give them orders, no one-

Garnets ship sped toward them and lit up again. Jasper could only watch, breathless, frozen-

“Great Diamonds, Jasper, move!”

And then Peridot shoved her out of the pilot seat and took control of the ship. Jasper stumbled to the right as they pitched. She braced herself against the wall, her body suddenly obeying again. As soon as the ship started moving, she shook her head roughly to clear it and jumped into action.

“Peridot! You maneuver the ship! Rubies, monitor what the Rebels are doing and tell me when it looks like they’ll attack!”

The Rubies dispersed quickly, running to different stations. Doc stopped in front of her. “Jasper, what will you do?”

She was already reaching for the intercom. “I’m going to direct whoever is left. I’ve seen Garnet fight before; I know what she’s like. They need someone to direct them.”

Doc seemed to look at her with a new respect. She saluted. “Yes, ma’am!”

Jasper pressed down on the transmission, making sure it broadcasted to all of the remaining ships. She used her most authoritative voice possible; not to intimidate, but to reassure. They needed a strong leader, and Jasper would be that leader. “Fleet! This is the Jasper from Ship Four! What we’re up against is a highly dangerous Rebel- one of the originals. Your defenses can’t hold out against that laser beam. Don’t take a hit or you’re done for! Increase your speed and engage in evasive maneuvers!”

“Jasper!” It was Navy. “They’re going to attack again!”

“NOW!”

This time, she was ready, planting both her feet on the floor of the ship and moving with it. It barely even knocked her off balance. She turned to Peridot before the ship even stilled. It trembled as the shields withstood attacks from the lesser ships. “Fleet status!”

Peridot whirled around to check. “Ships three and four are unharmed! Ship Five sustained damage to the starboard side!”

Jasper leaned forward again, this time only broadcasting to Ship Five. “This is the Jasper from Ship Four! Ship Five, what is your status?”

There was a delay in their response that made Jasper’s hand tighten around the microphone. If they died, it was on her. Even more lives that she was responsible for.

Finally, a voice responded, high-pitched and panicked. “The ship is filling with smoke! We can feel a draft coming from somewhere; the hull has been breached! We-”

Jasper interjected. They couldn’t afford to lose time. “Seal off the bridge and get all your crewmen inside! Turn up your air filters to maximum and cut off life support to the other rooms of the ship! The fire can’t burn without oxygen!”

This time, their response was immediate. “Yes, ma’am!”

A Ruby- this time, Army- spoke up from her station. “They’re getting ready to attack again!”

Jasper looked from Army to the radar. The two ships missing, the debris floating past them- debris that once sustained human lives- the terror on the faces of those around her, the panic of the other crew members. Hatred boiled up within her, hot and heavy, along with rage. All her life, she had been fighting them. All her life, they had won. The Rebellion had taken everything from her.

She wouldn’t let them take this.

Her palm slammed against the transmission and she gripped the microphone with so much force that her knuckles turned white. “Soldiers!” She roared. “The Rebellion has terrorized our Imperium for a century! Are we about to let it happen again?! Soldiers! We are not cowards! We are not weak! We have better weapons and better training than them! We have stronger ships and better armies than them! _We do not turn and run from the Rebellion!_ ” She slapped her hand against the dashboard. It rattled under her. “Let’s remind them why they feared us in the first place!”

Jasper glanced at the radar and saw the other two ships move into position. Her ship, however, remained stationary. Peridot was frozen in the pilot’s seat, unmoving.

“What are you doing?!” Jasper demanded, running over to her. “Get into position!”

Peridot jumped and moved for the controls, apologizing profusely. The ship lurched as her clumsy fingers moved it to match the others on the offensive. Jasper ignored her, turning the transmission back on. She could be angry later. “Garnet’s ship is powerful, but it has a limited range and takes a short period of time to charge. Keep moving and you’ll have a better chance of survival!”

This time, it was Navy who called it. “Here it comes!”

Jasper waited for the blast, bracing herself against the dashboard again. She studied the ship closely. How could she outwit someone who could predict her every move? How could she save the lives of her crew If Garnet already knew every move she made, what…

“Jasper, ma’am, did you see that?”

Eyeball’s voice jolted her out of her thoughts. Jasper turned to face her. “What?”

Eyeball pointed at the display. “After it fires, Garnet’s ship goes completely still for a few moments. It’s an old model, so it has to have a cooldown period, right?”

Of course! Jasper spun back to the intercom, filled with the vigor she had moments before. They had a chance. “Soldiers! The ship has a cool down period after it fires! Attack it then! Drive back the Rebellion and give them something to be afraid of!”

As soon as the transmission was over, she turned back to Eyeball. “This is exactly what we needed. You may have just saved our lives.”

Eyeball nodded, saluting again before returning to her station.

“Distance closing!” Peridot shouted. “We’ll be in range soon!”

Jasper was at the intercom again. “The next time the ship fires, we take it out! The Imperium is done retreating!”

They rushed toward Garnet’s ship. Jasper gripped at the edge of the dashboard, adrenaline coursing through her veins. She watched with bated breath, waiting for their chance. Closer, closer…

Garnet’s ship lit up again and Peridot jerked the aside. A great tremor went through the ship and Jasper was nearly knocked off balance. The lights flickered. Peridot gasped. “I think we’ve been hit! We-”

The Rubies sprang into action, shutting all entrances to the bridge. Doc ran up and turned the air filters to maximum. She looked toward Jasper. “Just in case!”

Jasper nodded her thanks before returning to the intercom. Garnet’s ship had gone completely dark, shuddering to a halt. It looked dead; it was time. “FIRE!”

The shields around the Rebel ships lit up as they withstood a barrage from the remaining Imperial ships. Peridot hesitated again, staring down at the dashboard with wide eyes, and Jasper shoved her aside. She gripped the controls herself, lining up the shot. All she heard was the blood in her ears. As soon as the shield went down, she’d fire. She’d be the one to take out Garnet for good.

A ripple went through the shield and it flickered, weak. Her fingers tightened on the control, narrowing her eyes and holding her breath. Soon, soon…

The shields fell and Jasper fired. It hit dead-on.

The ships around her zoomed in, attacking. Jasper followed in suit. They were circling around Garnet’s ship, but it remained in the center of the viewing screen, still motionless. It was obviously being damaged in multiple different areas. The two ships beside it were as well.

What if Garnet knew this would happen? What if this was a part of her plan? What if Jasper just walked into her trap and-

A motion, short and shuttering. Garnet’s ship jerked forward and then ground to a halt. The barrels lit up and then dissipated again, useless. The two ships hovered beside it unmoving.

And then they shot off, speeding away into space as they engaged the warp.

Jasper let out a shaky breath and leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes and allowing relief to course through her as the crew around her burst into cheers. When she opened her eyes again, she found herself surrounded by Rubies.

“Jasper, that was incredible!” Doc said. “How did you know it would work?”

Jasper told the truth. “I didn’t.” She looked at the empty void before them again, sighing in relief again before reaching flicking on the transmission. “Fleet, well done. You’re an asset to our Imperium. Fall in behind me and we’ll continue on course.”

Once she received confirmation from both ships, she switched off the broadcast and very slowly stood, scanning the room for the other crew member she had to take care of. Jasper found her huddling in a corner, scrolling through her log desperately. Jasper stalked up to her silently, towering above her, and grabbed her roughly by the shoulder. Peridot squawked and dropped the log, jumping away.

Jasper grabbed her and slammed her back into the corner with ease, glaring down at her darkly. Peridot was breathing hard. “What the hell were you doing?” Jasper didn’t shout. Her voice was low, each quiet word a threat. She leaned down and Peridot squirmed, trying to retreat even further against the wall. “Hesitating before following orders? Refusing to fire? I’d almost think you were a _traitor_.”

Peridot flinched at the way she spat the word, stammering incomprehensibly. Her eyes cast down to the log and Jasper grabbed her chin and forced her to look back up. “You know what we do to traitors, right? You know what will be in store for you? The interrogation; the torture?” Peridot just stared at her with wild eyes and nodded emphatically. Jasper narrowed her eyes, unconvinced. “First I see you in the prisons without proper cause. Now, you try to protect a high-ranking Rebel? Who are you?”

Peridot’s mouth moved, but no sound came out. Jasper raised her fist threateningly, then, deciding against it, moved her foot over her log. It hovered there as a silent warning. “Well? How about I smash this and just get it over with?”

Peridot shook her head, but she was still speechless. Jasper felt her lips curl upward in a cruel grin. “Or maybe I’ll read through it. I’m sure you have tons of incriminating evidence on there. You-”

“I was scared!” Peridot finally shouted. “I’ve never been in a position like that before! I didn’t want to hurt anyone!”

Jasper scoffed, peering down at her face and studying it closely for anything that would give her away. She just looked terrified. “The Rebellion has killed more people than you’ve ever met, Peridot. Don’t think for a second that they’re on the same level as us.” And then, for good measure, she repeated what had been told to her ever since she was made. “Sympathy will be your downfall.”

She dropped Peridot carelessly and shoved her toward the controls. “Plot a course for the outpost. Keep in line or I’ll hold up on my promise.” She retrieved the log off the ground. “And I think I’ll hold onto this for a while.”

Peridot looked like she was about to protest, but then Jasper glared at her again and she scampered over toward the dashboard. The Rubies all stared at her, seemingly stunned by what had just occurred. Jasper tried to not let it bother her. It was necessary. “Keep an eye on her. If she tries anything, get me.”

Jasper stormed out of the room and down the hall, entering her room and throwing the log onto her bed. She got on after it, leaning onto the mattress and touching the screen. It lit up before her.

Peridot had been strange from day one. Pearl’s reaction to her was odd as well. There had to be something that would prove her guilt; she had to be a Rebel. Jasper couldn’t convict her with circumstantial evidence. There had to be more.

She perused the files- mostly just messages and reports to Peridot’s superiors- until she found a long string of transmissions that weren’t sent on the Imperium’s network. They were untraceable. Jasper furrowed her brow and clicked on one immediately.

It was password protected; even more suspicious. Peridot had to be contacting the Rebellion. Jasper did a manual override- years ago, she had to do something like this- and the messages popped up on screen, sent to someone with the contact name “A”. There were no coordinates provided for A’s location.

Jasper sat back and brought the log with her, squinting at the messages. Peridot had sent a long, perfectly structured rant about her day that Jasper quickly lost interest in. It took a while for Jasper to scroll to the bottom of it. There, she found a response.

 

**A: sorry to hear that pdot. maybe this will make you feel better?**

 

There was an image attached. Jasper tapped on it and waited for it to load impatiently. She was more than a little confused, but she was undeterred. There had to be something…

The image loaded and Jasper quickly clicked off, blinking in surprise. “Great Diamonds.”

She continued to scroll, barely even reading the messages as they got progressively more lewd. Eventually, she reached the bottom of the file and clicked on the next. And the next. Every time, it was more of the same, until Jasper slammed the log down on her bed with a growl of annoyance.

It made sense. It made sense, and that just frustrated Jasper all the more. Peridots weren’t supposed to have sexual relationships; no one really was, but Peridots were especially expected to be chaste. For Jasper and other soldiers, there would be exceptions. But for Peridot…

And judging by the build of the girl in the picture, she was another soldier. Jasper could guess the “A” stood for “Amethyst”. She would be the one getting the brunt of the punishment. The untraceable network was to keep her safe. Peridots were assumed to have no agency of their own, so Amethyst would be blamed for leading her away from her duties.

Jasper ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. Peridot was in the prisons because she was visiting the Amethyst. She was really telling the truth.

But something still nagged at her. Something didn’t seem quite right…

There was a knock at her door. Navy spoke. “We’ve reached the outpost, ma’am.”

Jasper tucked the log into her belt and went out into the hall. The Rubies were already disembarking, rushed ahead by an Agate General. She barely even glanced at Jasper.

Jasper ignored her and went after them, stopping at the hatch. Eyeball saw her there and stopped, saluting at Jasper a final time. Her eye filled with tears again. “I’ll never forget you, Jasper.”

All the other Rubies turned when she said it and noticed Jasper standing there. They all clambered over each other, shouting their goodbyes as the other soldiers tried to move them along. Jasper’s throat tightened as something bittersweet welled up within her. She saluted back at them. “Thank you for your service!”

The last thing she saw was Eyeball’s teary-eyed grin before they were pushed around a corner. Jasper stood there, staring at the empty room for a long while. She wasn’t quite sure what she was feeling. The Rubies were the first people who truly seemed to like and respect her. Jasper found that, oddly enough, she was going to miss them.

She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat and turned away, closing the hatch and returning to the bridge. Peridot pulled them out of the docking bay and drove them back into space. The warp drive was activated. A tense, thick atmosphere settled between them the longer they stood in silence and Peridot kept glancing at her over her shoulder.

Peridot was the first to speak. “We didn’t sustain much damage in the fight. We should be fine to return home.”

Jasper grunted in response. Peridot fidgeted nervously. Jasper just watched, interested to see if she would reveal anything else. Besides, it was fun to watch her squirm.

Peridot shifted and then turned around, her gaze fixed upon the ground. She adjusted her glasses. “So… Um… about my log…”

Jasper stared her down. Peridot’s eyes darted up to her and she suddenly looked much more afraid. She was twisting the fabric of her shirt between her fingers.

Jasper smirked and finally gave in, walking over and tossing the log back to her. She snatched it out of the hair and held it against her abdomen like she was afraid Jasper would try to take it back. “Why didn’t you just tell me you were fucking an Amethyst?”

For a moment, Peridot almost appeared relieved. Apprehension soon overtook that, though, and she averted her gaze again. “You won’t tell anyone, right?”

Jasper made a sound that was almost a laugh and shook her head. “Of course not. I don’t care what you do off duty.”

“Because you’re with that Pearl?”

Jasper stiffened and was suddenly much less relaxed. She looked at Peridot through narrowed eyes. “What?”

Peridot returned to scrolling through her log, nonchalant again. Jasper’s effect on her had worn off completely. “It’s pretty obvious, you know. You spend way too much time in that cell. Try to be quicker about it.”

“I’m not-” Jasper shook her head slightly, incredulous. “That Pearl is a Rebel assassin. I wouldn’t do that. That’s treason.”

Peridot raised an eyebrow. “You could have fooled me. Besides, she’s a prisoner now. You can do whatever you want.”

Jasper looked away, flustered. She tried to find a response. “You- you know how it is.” Peridot stared blankly back at her and she rolled her eyes. Of course a Peridot wouldn’t understand; they were far too chaste. Even if this one seemed to be much more licentious than average. “She’s a Pearl. I’m a Jasper. I can’t help finding her attractive. Ask your Amethyst about it.”

Peridot rolled her eyes. “Right. All you soldiers are hot-blooded, sex-crazed maniacs or whatever.” She started typing into her log again, casting an irritated glance up at Jasper when she didn’t leave. “I’m trying to file a report.”

Jasper huffed and turned around, leaving the room again. She just wanted to be alone. Peridot was exhausting, and after the battle today, she didn’t have the energy to put up with her insolence.

-

The return trip was mostly uneventful. All Jasper had was idle time- Peridot took care of directing the ship- and, since she had nothing else to do, she spent most of it thinking. About her sisters, about the Rubies, and, most of all, about Pearl.

She was a frustrating little enigma Jasper couldn't seem to get out of her head. It was how Pearls did it, she supposed. Bit by bit, she had wormed her way into Jasper’s brain and there she had stayed. Jasper had been thoroughly enchanted. Buried under all that bravado, after all, she still had the same allure and tenderness of a Pearl.

And that was what made Jasper pause. Pearl was a Rebel, yes, but she was a Pearl first. She was dependent on her owner. If Rose Quartz told her to fight, she would have to, regardless of pretenses. Rose Quartz could preach about choices and self-determination all she wanted, but in the end, Pearl had no autonomy of her own. Rose Quartz made the choice for her.

Pearl had been forced into war, just like Jasper had. Unlike Jasper, though, she wasn't made for battle. She was made to dote on her owners and look pretty. Instead, she was dragged into a war she had no say in and made to fight like a soldier. For the first time, Jasper felt a twinge of sympathy. Despite what Pearl seemed to believe, she had as little control over her life as Jasper did.

Autonomy wasn't what Pearl needed. She needed someone who would tell her what to do; someone who would give her a safe, comfortable life. Someone who would let her live with her genetic purpose. She needed a different owner.

Maybe being back with the Imperium would end up being good for her.

On the final day of the return journey, Jasper received a summons from Yellow Diamond. It filled her with an odd mix of excitement and dread; she knew she would either be punished or promoted. Assuming a role of leadership like she did without the proper credentials was dangerous, especially considering there were probably plenty of other people who were much more qualified than her to lead. She spent the rest of the drive impatiently pacing around her room.

When they finally landed in the vehicle bay, Jasper wasted no time in reporting to Yellow Diamond. As she approached, Holly Blue Agate stormed out, shoving her roughly aside with barely a second glance. Jasper noticed the rows of gashes than lined her back.

She narrowed her eyes. _Guess even Holly Blue has to answer to somebody_.

The same guards opened the doors for her as she approached and she strode in. Yellow Diamond was typing away per usual- her work never seemed to end- but this time, her Pearl was reclining languidly on a chaise lounge. She opened one lazy eye and fixed it upon Jasper.

Jasper dropped into a bow. “Yellow Diamond.”

The typing stopped. Her response didn’t take nearly as long as the time before. “Rise.”

Jasper did as she was told and looked back up at Yellow Diamond. She was leaning on one arm, regarding Jasper with what almost seemed to be satisfaction. “The Peridot I assigned to your ship, as well as the others in your fleet, gave quite the report about you. What you did was impressive and saved many lives. That’s the kind of work I expect from my perfect soldier.”

Jasper bristled at her possessiveness before she could mask her reaction. She wasn’t made for Yellow Diamond. Pink Diamond would be the only one she would ever belong to; she was the only Diamond Jasper would accept as her own.

Yellow Diamond continued, though, thankfully oblivious to her response. “You’re becoming an asset again. Willingness to take risks for the greater good of the Imperium is just what we need in this war. Because of that, I’ve increased your ranking. You will serve as a Lieutenant from now on.”

Jasper blinked for a moment in disbelief before dropping into a deep bow again. She had never held a rank that high; not even in the war. “Thank you, Yellow Diamond!”

Yellow Diamond nodded, returning to her holographic display. Jasper almost thought it was an act of dismissal until she spoke again. “Now that you don’t have that Pearl to take care of, you need a better job, anyway. Capturing her was a good move in the end. I think she’ll turn out to be quite useful.”

Jasper just stared. She was suddenly on edge. She tried to speak, but nervousness leaked into her voice and she had to clear her throat before she could. “What do you mean, I won’t take care of her?”

That made Yellow Diamond stop. She turned back to Jasper and give her a quizzical look. “Didn’t they tell you? She was transferred to the interrogation ward. They’ve been working on her ever since you left.”


	5. Chapter 5

Jasper felt the air rush out of her lungs. She stood there, frozen, her body refusing to move. Horror shot through her until every part of her burned with it. She could barely even keep the shock from her face.

Pearl was being tortured.

Yellow Diamond was still speaking- something about her new room and role- but Jasper wasn’t listening, all sound drowned out by the pounding of her heart in her ears. She was hot and cold all at once. Pearl was being tortured and Jasper couldn't help her and her stomach twisted and she finally took a shuddering breath and-

"That will be all, B-6xG."

Jasper blinked, clenching her clammy hands into fists. Yellow Diamond spoke like she was repeating herself, looking at Jasper with imperceptibly furrowed brows. She probably was repeating herself. Jasper didn't know.

Her body finally decided to obey her and she collapsed into a graceless bow, her heart still pounding painfully in her chest. It took two tries to get the words out. "Thank you, Yellow Diamond."

Jasper felt like she was moving through molasses as she walked out, her limbs heavy and her mind racing. She had known Pearl would be tortured, of course- it was common protocol, especially with the Rebels- but after so long, she had relaxed into her role and almost forgotten. Pearl was her dainty little Rebel and she was her prison ward and it had nearly become comfortable. And now it wasn't. 

Jasper knew what torture was like. Lapis Lazuli was from the Imperium and she had certainly shown Jasper what they were capable of. But Lapis Lazuli had her reasons- Jasper had pushed her too far, and she had gotten what she deserved- and she was a soldier. She was built to take a beating. But Pearl? Small and frail as she was? It would break her.

Pearl had to have valuable information. But torturing her couldn’t be how to handle it. Jasper’s ridiculous attachments aside, she couldn’t hold out. And it had already been a week…

Jasper nearly stopped walking in the middle of the hallway. If she did what she was thinking, the punishment would be severe. Helping Pearl would be treason. Sure, the Imperium was flawed, but treason? For a Pearl? Jasper knew if she kept pleasing Yellow Diamond, she would be able to get any Pearl she wanted. She could request one tailored just for her. But suddenly, that didn’t hold any appeal. They weren’t Pearl.

They wouldn’t have the same piercing eyes or wit; the same ferocity or eloquence. The same wild, dangerous ideas. Pearl was an individual. She was different. And that was what made Jasper so enraptured with her. Individuality was punished- it was beaten out of Jasper, and it would be beaten out of Pearl, too. But Jasper was a lieutenant now. If she could do something, anything to stop that...

And then she was moving faster before she knew it until she was racing through the hallways, her body moving on autopilot more than anything else. She knew where Yellow Diamond’s interrogation ward was. She had dragged Rebels she caught there before. For the first time, that memory made her uncomfortable.

What she was doing would only be treason if she got caught. She had stolen bandages before; this was just a step up. A big step up, but, if she pulled this off, it would be worth it.

She heard screams before she even arrived and her stomach dropped before she realized it wasn’t Pearl. Her relief was short-lived; the only reason it wasn’t Pearl was Jasper’s timing.

She took a deep breath and slowed to a confident stride as she approached the interrogation ward. She felt anything but confident, but she needed to be as convincing as possible. When she saw who was standing guard, being haughty suddenly became much easier.

The Citrine grinned as she walked up to the force field. This one was password protected; Jasper wouldn’t be able to force her way past if she wanted to. “If it isn’t _Beta_ . How’s prison duty feeling?” She put her hand on her chest pompously. “ _I_ got a promotion. Now I’m the one who gets to see your pretty little Pearl every day.” She whistled, her voice mocking. “She really is something, you know. I’m sure if I slipped her torturer a few credits I’d get to have a go at her. Teach her a lesson while I’m at it.”

Jasper balled her hands into fists, clenching her teeth to keep herself from speaking. Her stomach turned. The Citrine wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near Pearl. Jasper herself would make sure of that.

The Citrine kept sneering impudently up at her, waiting for her response. Jasper considered lunging at her again- now, with no one to stop them, she would definitely give her something to remember- but then she remembered her status and tilted her head back, staring down at the Citrine like she was nothing more than an unpleasant waste of space. Just as Holly Blue had done to Jasper so many times before. “You’re pretty chatty for a subordinate.” The Citrine looked at her incredulously and she smirked. “You’re not the only one who’s been promoted. That’s _Lieutenant_ to you, E-9xR. Call me Beta again and I’ll knock your teeth in.”

The Citrine guffawed, unintimidated. “You? A Lieutenant?! Yellow Diamond has more sense than that.”

Jasper didn’t let her face betray anything, still glaring at her condescendingly. She had run out of patience; she was in a hurry, and she sure as hell didn’t want to deal with this. She leaned down. When she spoke again, her voice was dangerously low. “You realize I outrank an overseer now, right? No Agate to come and save you now. Why don’t you make it easier for the both of us and just lower the damn force field so I don’t have to beat the shit out of you a second time?”

The Citrine’s smile wavered and she took a step back. She gave Jasper a once-over and Jasper cracked her knuckles, narrowing her eyes. The Citrine’s gaze shot back up at her and she scowled. “You’re lying. You just want to have that Pearl to yourself. You can’t get promoted that fast. I’ll call security and- and- you’re lying!”

Jasper was unbothered. “Go ahead. I’ll tell them you disobeyed direct orders from a superior.” She raised an eyebrow. “Being whipped’ll be worse than anything I can do to you.”

That seemed to do the trick. The Citrine stiffened at the thought before finally huffing and walking away, entering a code into the moderator. The force field fell.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” The Citrine didn’t respond, glowering. “And what cell is she in?”

The Citrine was silent. Jasper stayed put and, after a long, tense moment, she crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. “Fine. It’s A7.”

Jasper started toward it, taking a few steps before she stopped, turning back to the Citrine and fixing her with her deadliest glare. “One more thing. Lay a finger on Pearl and I’ll snap your fucking neck.”

She didn’t wait for a response, whirling around and stalking off toward A7. The same person screamed again. She just kept her eyes forward.

A7 was around a corner, marked by lettering on the solid steel door. There were no windows or anything else on it, save for a small pad meant for scanning fingerprints and the screen it was attached to. Jasper saw no other way of entry and cursed.

Of course. Anyone who entered the cell would be recorded; every time Jasper came here, her superiors would know. But, maybe with her new rank, she would be allowed some privileges. She pressed her thumb to the pad.

It whirred as it scanned her fingerprint and she watched with bated breath. Her profile came up on the screen- her identification code, caste, and ranking, along with a picture- and, after a long moment, she was cleared. The lock clicked. Jasper let out a sigh of relief and opened the door.

The light fell into the room and she immediately recoiled. Pearl, blindfolded and tied to a chair, was hunched over and unnaturally still. What Jasper could see of her arms were covered in burns and a dark bruise bloomed over her right cheekbone. Her uniform on her stomach had been torn- Jasper was afraid to know what from- and the skin beneath was marked with gashes that were still bleeding. Her legs were in the same condition, mottled with bruises along the shins and cuts that were only partially scabbed over.

Pearl’s head snapped up as soon as she heard the door open and she jolted upright, her breath quickening. Jasper could see her shoulders shaking. “I already told you I’m not going to talk.” She spoke through clenched teeth, and her voice was so raw it was unrecognizable. “What I know dies with me! Do what you want!”

She ended on a shout, panic edging into her voice. Despite what she said, she sounded terrified. Jasper immediately entered the room, shutting and locking the door behind her, talking as soothingly as she could the whole time. “Pearl. Pearl. It’s me, Jasper. It’s just me.”

Pearl paused. The only sounds were her uneven, shuddering breaths and the screaming of whoever else was outside. Then, her voice, quiet enough that it was almost inaudible. “Jasper?”

“Yes.” Jasper approached her carefully, trying to sound as nonthreatening as possible. “It’s just me, Pearl. I won’t hurt you. I won’t hurt you.”

Her voice was tiny and trembling. “Why are you here?”

Jasper didn’t even understand it herself. This was treason. A few weeks ago, she would have been appalled at her behavior. But, looking at Pearl, she understood exactly why she had done it. “To help.”

Jasper went to the back of the chair and grimaced. Pearl’s back had been whipped repeatedly. The whips they had on the Mothership were designed to slice through a soldier’s thick skin; it had cut through Pearl’s like paper. Jasper swallowed hard, trying to suppress her revulsion, and looked down at her hands. She still had all her fingernails; that was something, at least.

She inspected Pearl’s restrains. They were the same kind Jasper had- programmed to the fingerprint of the person who put them on- so she couldn’t remove them. She could loosen them, however, and it was just enough for Pearl to pull her arms out. She was lucky she was so skinny.

Pearl kept talking as she did so, disjointed and scattered. “But- but you- you’ll be punished, you’ll be killed, you- I didn’t help you. I tried, but- it doesn’t matter, it didn’t work, but I tried to help you- but it didn’t do anything, I left you to die, I…”

Jasper tried to be as gentle as possible as she reached for her blindfold. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine. I got promoted. I’m a Lieutenant.” Jasper didn’t know if her ranking would protect her, but she hoped it was true. It was enough to make Pearl fall quiet. “Is it okay if I take off your blindfold?”

Pearl nodded. “Please.”

Jasper untied it and Pearl winced, blinking at the light. Her head whipped around, searching for Jasper, and she walked back to the front of the chair, kneeling so they would be eye-level.  Up close, the damage was even worse; her lip was split, the bruise on her cheekbone was even darker than before, and her eye was completely bloodshot. They must have scratched her cornea. The burns, the gashes… It was all so much. So much on such a small body.

“They held back because I’m a Pearl,” She whispered. “It was worse for you.”

Jasper shook her head, trying to suppress the rage that was threatening to overtake her. Later, she would be angry. Later, she would find something to blame, something to take it out on. But now, she had to be gentle. For the first time, she had to be gentle. “No. This is terrible. This…” She just shook her head again and took out the bandages.

Pearl watched her with wide eyes as she unwrapped one and took her arm carefully in her hand. “No- no! You’ll be caught! She’ll notice!”

Jasper didn’t stop. She pressed the bandage carefully against the row of burns that looked the worst. Pearl flinched at the pain. “It’s the least I could do.”

Pearl’s shoulders jerked once. She made a small sound. Jasper watched her curiously, confused, until her mouth twisted and she buckled, falling against Jasper’s broad shoulder as her body was wracked with sobs. “I didn’t- I didn’t tell them anything. I didn’t-” And then she couldn’t speak anymore, overcome.

Jasper didn’t know how to comfort someone. Soldiers weren’t allowed to cry; it was weakness. If Jasper was upset, she would train until she beat it out of herself. So for a long moment she sat, wooden, unsure of what to do. Eventually, she awkwardly put her hand on Pearl’s shoulder. “You were brave.”

They sat like that for a long while. Jasper had closed her eyes and began absentmindedly rubbing Pearl’s shoulder as she wept, not saying anything. It seemed to help. Her sobs slowly died down to small, infrequent gasps, and then sniffles. She seemed content to simply rest her head against Jasper like that, but then, suddenly, she pushed herself back and quickly wiped at her eyes. She almost appeared embarrassed. “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate.”

Jasper averted her gaze, pulling off the bandage she had applied earlier. She hadn’t been bothered by it at all. “It’s okay. You went through hell.”

Next, Jasper went for the gashes from the whipping; they were what most obviously needed attention. Pearl nearly cried out at the pain as Jasper applied the bandages. She clamped her hand over mouth to muffle her voice.

Jasper hesitated, concerned. “Are you okay? Should I stop?”

Pearl shook her head, removing her hand and looking at Jasper with her jaw set determinedly. “This is nothing. I’m tough.”

For the first time, Jasper believed her. To endure all of this wasn’t easy. She knew from experience. And to get through it without confessing? Pearl really was something else. “I know.”

Jasper didn’t let any of Pearl’s wounds heal all the way. That could be too conspicuous. She didn’t want Pearl to get hurt even worse because of Jasper’s actions. When she got to the gashes on her stomach, she paused, an unsettling thought suddenly overtaking her. Since she was a Pearl… Jasper wasn’t able to look her in the eye when she posed it. “They didn’t touch you, did they?”

Pearl seemed to know what she meant. That was good; Jasper didn’t want to clarify. “No. One tried and I bit her hand.” She nearly smiled at that. “That’s what the bruise on my cheek is from. It was worth it.”

Jasper almost sighed in relief. What they did was horrible, but at least it wasn’t that. “Good. That’s good.”

Eventually, Pearl’s wounds were healed to the extent Jasper could risk and there was nothing more she could do. She remained, and silence fell between them. Jasper stared at the ground.

Pearl was the one who broke it first. “You should go.”

“I don’t want to leave you here.”

Pearl shook her head. “No. You should go. You’re a Lieutenant- congratulations- but you’re helping a traitor. You’ll be punished no matter what if you get caught.”

Pearl was right. Visiting Pearl was permissible, but actively helping her would probably be the speediest way to getting a demotion and subsequent whipping. Her rank wouldn't protect her from that. Jasper slowly stood, readjusting her restraints so that she was tied to the chair again and putting back on her blindfold. The whole time, Jasper asked her questions- if she was being fed enough, if she wanted painkillers, if she wanted anything to be brought- and she kept Pearl’s responses in mind for when she returned.

A conviction welled up from within her. It was one that had been lingering at the edge ever since she heard Pearl had been transferred, but now, it burst forth until Jasper had to acknowledge it. “I’m going to get you out of here.”

Pearl didn't question her or tell her she was being ridiculous. She just nodded.

Jasper started toward the door, beginning to unlock it. She hesitated. “Was it worth it? All this. Was your rebellion worth this?”

Pearl’s answer was immediately and unflinching. “Absolutely.”

The star on Pearl’s uniform had been ripped off completely.

-

When Jasper saw Pearl again, she was slightly worse than before, wounds even more prominent and gashes dripping blood onto the steel floor beneath. The bags under her eyes were so pronounced that they looked like bruises, dark and haunting. She moved as if every breath hurt. They probably did.

Pearl said it was easier this time with Jasper’s help and Jasper immediately gave her what she had brought; painkillers and bandages. Once her wounds were as healed as Jasper could risk and she looked more aware and present, Jasper posed her plan.

Pearl was speechless at first, repelled by the idea. It took her a long moment to even say anything, her face twisted in a grimace. Jasper could only imagine what she was remembering. “I… I… I never, ever wanted to do that again. I thought- I thought I would rather die.” She shook her head. “This seems like it benefits you most of all.”

“It benefits the both of us.”

Pearl stared at the ground. The silence stretched between them. Jasper waited. Eventually, Pearl squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deep. “Is there no other way?”

“Not without getting us both killed. I’m still loyal to the Imperium. I won’t commit treason.” And then her voice softened. “Not even for you.”

“You’re already committing treason for me.”

Jasper shrugged, not meeting Pearl’s eyes. Breaking her out of prison would be irrefutable betrayal to the Imperium. As long as nobody caught her healing Pearl, she wouldn’t consider it treason. What she had done for Pearl was already more than she had ever done for anyone else. Helping her, trying to get her out… Jasper would have never considered it before. It was sympathetic. It was weak.

But Pearl… Pearl was an exception. Jasper couldn’t say she had gotten what she deserved when she looked at her wounds; she was too valuable, too special. She treated Jasper like a person when no one else would. Jasper wanted to help her. It was a foreign sensation. She could only assume it was some leftover defect from Beta- Jaspers weren’t supposed to be this soft.

Pearl sighed and Jasper looked over to her, brought back out of her thoughts. Her brow was furrowed, and her mouth was ajar, as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t. Finally, she sighed again and the words came out. “I can’t decide now. It’s… too much.”

“That’s understandable.” There was another pause and Jasper tried to find a way to phrase what she wanted to say. “How much longer do you think you can hold out?”

Pearl considered it. She shook her head. “Three days. Four, maybe, if I’m lucky. Maybe longer.”

Only three days for certain. That was it. Jasper swallowed hard, unsure if what she was about to say was treasonous. Pearl was right, though; just by helping her, Jasper had already committed treason. It was worth it. “Maybe try telling them false intel. To buy time.”

Pearl looked at her pointedly. “How do you think I’ve survived this long?”

Jasper was almost… embarrassed. Of course Pearl would know the protocol in these kinds of situations. She was trained by Rebels, after all. “Right.”

Pearl rubbed at her wrists- she never seemed to stop doing that once Jasper took off the restraints- and stared at the ground with half-lidded eyes. She was rarely fully awake when Jasper was around, but Jasper wasn’t offended. She deserved all the rest she could get.

Her hands slowed to a stop and she sighed again. Jasper could hear the weight behind it. “She’ll be coming soon. You shouldn’t stay. You’ll get in trouble.”

Jasper reluctantly agreed, tying Pearl back up and wishing she could just take her out of this place entirely. Somewhere warm and comfortable that befit her caste; somewhere she wouldn’t have to struggle for survival. Somewhere she could finally relax and do what her genetics urged her to and not have to follow the irrational orders of a misguided soldier.

But that would be a death sentence. She couldn’t do anything; not until Pearl agreed to her plan. So she tightened the restraints and blindfolded her and ignored her wish for anything else.

Pearl was silent the whole time even when Jasper left and locked the door behind her. Jasper didn’t want to leave, but she saw no choice. Pearl’s torturer visited twice a day- in the morning and at night- and if Jasper wasn’t quick enough she would get severely punished. With Jasper’s work, the window she could visit her was small enough; she couldn’t waste any time.

On the way out, the Citrine glared at her from her spot near the force field. Like she had every time before, she jeered after Jasper as she passed. “How was your little slut?”

Jasper ignored her. The Citrine was beneath her. She couldn’t risk getting in a fight and ruining her standing with Yellow Diamond, anyway. The Citrine wasn’t worth it.

So she strode past and headed for the vehicle bay, ready to report to her mission and command a small fleet taking weapons to an Imperial outpost. Being a Lieutenant was much more satisfying.

-

The mission went well; Jasper commanded with ease and her crew followed without questioning her authority. Most of them were younger soldiers who didn’t know about the Beta kindergarten. Jasper made sure the ones who did wouldn’t have a problem with her.

Soldiers in the Jasper and Amethyst caste often sparred for fun, wrestling barehanded to see who was stronger and more fit for their role in the Imperium. It was a good way of dealing with access aggression. In Jasper’s matches, however, there was no camaraderie. It was a heated battle, fought tooth-and-nail to see if Jasper was worthy of her title as Lieutenant. Jasper had never lost.

It wasn’t a fair fight, anyway. Jasper really was the perfect soldier in physique; she stood a full head taller than her crewman, and she was stronger than most of them. Now that she was finally in a position to fight back against their prejudice, she utilized it as much as possible. A mission rarely went past without a scuffle. A few of them were sore losers, unable to believe a Beta soldier had defeated them. Jasper relished in it.

She knew if she was from any other kindergarten, her authority would never be questioned the way it was. Despite her achievements, despite her build, despite her attempts to emphasize her strength, she would never be more than a Beta defective to some people. All she could do about it was beat the shit out of those who were closest.

She was gone through the night and into the morning, returning to the Mothership at noon. After her report to Yellow Diamond was filed, she wasted no time going straight to the interrogation ward, ignoring the Citrine yet again. She unlocked the door and entered.

Pearl could barely even lift her head. Both her eyes were bloodshot; Jasper recoiled when she saw the left one. She didn’t have bandages that could heal those kinds of wounds. When she went to loosen her restraints, she saw the telltale outlines of electrocution on Pearl’s wrists; the remnants of being strapped into the machine. Jasper couldn’t even look directly at them.

This time, it was silent- Jasper applying the bandages with a tenderness she didn’t know she had, Pearl sitting with her head hung and shoulders trembling with exhaustion- and it was quicker that way. Without their voices, Jasper could hear the screaming of the other prisoners. It sent a chill down her spine.

Jasper waited after she was finished, hoping for Pearl to say something. With electrocution being utilized, Jasper knew her torturer was getting frustrated. Soon, the damage would be irreparable. She needed to get out.

Pearl finally looked up at her. Her voice was hoarse and almost inaudible; completely raw. It just made Jasper more furious with her torturer. “I’ll do it.” Jasper didn’t respond, confused. Pearl spoke again. “Your plan. I’ll do it.”

Jasper nodded, relieved. Pearl had chosen to help herself; that was all Jasper could ask for. “I won’t let you down, Pearl.”

She didn’t hesitate on returning to her quarters and starting on the second part of her plan. They were spacious; she had own bathroom, training room, bedroom, and dining room. Being a Lieutenant meant she wouldn't have to take her meals in the cafeteria or use a communal bathroom anymore. It was luxury she had never before been granted.

She sat in the dining room now, back straight and hair brushed, calling Holly Blue Agate. Before, calling her would be a huge breach in protocol, but now, she was ranked nearly as highly as manager. It was something she still wasn't used to.

Holly Blue took a while to answer, but when she did, she didn't look at Jasper with disdain. She didn't insult or scowl at her. She just nodded. “Beta. You always surprise me. I never thought I’d see the day you became anything other than a foot soldier.”

Jasper allowed herself to take offense at the insult because, for the first time, she was in a position where she could do something about it. She narrowed her eyes. “Not Beta. B-6xG. From now on, we’re equals.”

Holly Blue raised an eyebrow at her, unimpressed. “You’ve gotten used to this fast. You really do need to get that ego checked, _B-6xG_.” She put emphasis on every part of it. “Don’t forget I’m still a station above you. I’m still your manager.” She paused, as if to let that sink in, before she sighed annoyedly. “What did you want, anyway?”

Jasper got to business. “You told me people don’t understand how much work having a Pearl is. I’ve been thinking of getting one. Do you have anything I could use for research?”

This time, Holly Blue was genuinely shocked. “It’s been two days since you got promoted and you already want to get a Pearl?” At Jasper’s nod, she shook her head. “Really, B-6xG. Well, first you’ll have to appeal to your Diamond. Pearls are usually rewarded, you know.” Jasper nodded again and she sighed again. “I have materials on the matter. Being a Lieutenant grants you access to much more of the ship than before. I’ll send them to your communicator.”

Holly Blue ended the call and, true to her word, Jasper immediately received three large files. She opened the first. It was a book. Jasper groaned and sat back, taking the communicator with her and painstakingly pushing through each line, keeping her eye out for anything that would be useful. She hated reading.

Halfway through the first book, she found something and copied the passage, saving it for later. She was already formulating her speech for Yellow Diamond. What she had found just might have been Pearl’s ticket out.

The first part of her plan was complete. The next two wouldn’t be so easy.

The earliest appointment with Yellow Diamond Jasper could get was in two days. That would bring her to four days since she posed the plan to Pearl; one day too many. Jasper just hoped she could make it through.

In the meantime, Jasper did all that she could to make herself seem like an asset, leading her missions with as much fervor and devotion as she had once had to Yellow Diamond. It was an act. Ever since Pearl told her about her sisters, she couldn’t truly commit.

Pearl had been exceedingly cautious after what had happened the first time Jasper came to her cell, making sure that she didn’t touch Jasper any more than what was absolutely necessary. Jasper could feel there was a careful distance between them, like an invisible wall both of them were afraid to push through. Jasper never saw her in such a vulnerable state again. She was carefully guarded at all times, even when she was half-conscious.

The day before her appointment with Yellow Diamond, she didn't look up at all. She was barely even awake when Jasper came in. Even after Jasper healed her, she wasn’t very aware. Jasper decided to leave her to rest; there wasn’t much else she could do. Tomorrow, that would change, but now, Jasper was little more than useless.

She cast one last glance over at Pearl before closing the door. Her head was bowed and her shoulders were slumped; a shadow of the fearless Rebel Jasper had seen first enter the Mothership. Her uniform was in tatters. “I’m going to get you out of here. Tomorrow. I promise.”

Pearl barely acknowledged she spoke. Jasper left to prepare for what was coming, bringing her speech to the forefront of her mind again. _Pearls thrive in an environment where…_

-

Yellow Diamond sat as straight-backed and elegant as ever, leaning on one hand as she read over a report. She barely glanced at Jasper when she entered and only spoke to tell her to rise out of her deep bow.

After Jasper did, she began to talk, still absorbed in the report. Her voice was half a sigh. “I hope this is quick. I have a meeting with the other Diamonds in twenty minutes. I only allowed this because of your rank, Jasper. Keep that in mind.”

The casual use of her caste name instead of her identification code caught Jasper unawares. It was enough to unsettle her. She just nodded and bowed again, knowing Yellow Diamond would want her to just get to the point.

“My Diamond.” It was the first time Jasper had ever used those words in reference to Yellow Diamond. They felt almost sacrilegious to say. She needed to win Yellow Diamond over as much as possible, though, so she forced herself to say them just this once. It did not go unnoticed; Yellow Diamond immediately closed the report and turned to look at Jasper with unreadable eyes. “I requested this hearing because I wish to take the Pearl I brought a month ago.”

 Silence. Jasper risked a glance upward to find Yellow Diamond was peering at her through the corners of her narrowed eyes, barely moving from where she sat. Her Pearl was gawking at Jasper. “Excuse me?”

Jasper saluted. “My Diamond. We’ve been interrogating her for nearly two weeks now with little results. I suggest a different approach. Instead of waiting to recondition her, we-”

“Recondition?” Yellow Diamond had turned to face her now, her hand dropping away. “Recondition? That Pearl is beyond reconditioning, Jasper. She’s been a Rebel for far too long. At this point, she’s practically defective. No, reconditioning would be a useless waste of our time and resources. She’ll be disposed of as soon as we find out what we need to know.”

That sent a spike of fear through Jasper. She swallowed hard before continuing, knowing the consequences if she misspoke. Saying anything at all was dangerous, but she had to take risks if she wanted to help Pearl. Helping her was a risk in and of itself. “With all due respect, My Diamond, you haven’t tried yet. I see potential in her. I think if she has someone she can trust, she will reveal information with ease.”

Yellow Diamond didn’t move. Her voice was dangerously quiet. “Are you questioning my judgement?”

“Of course not, my Diamond. It's just that..." Jasper’s heart pounded in her chest. The reasonable part of her knew that she should just stop; knew that what she was doing would jeopardize her rank and her standing with Yellow Diamond. She couldn’t back out now, though. She had already gotten this far. "Pearls thrive in an environment where they feel secure and trust their owners. They develop strong attachments with-”

“I know.” Yellow Diamond was anything but impressed. “You’re sounding like a Peridot. What’s the point of this?”

Jasper refused to be intimidated. “I can earn that trust. I believe Pearl can be reconditioned and I believe she can be an asset to us through her vast knowledge of Rose Quartz and the Rebellion.”

That was Jasper’s entire argument, rehearsed and memorized. Her heart was in her throat. It was beyond stupid; to question Yellow Diamond’s jurisdiction could result in severe punishment. Depending on how merciful she was feeling, she could strip Jasper of her rank and order her to be whipped. She could banish Jasper altogether.

For a long moment, though, she did none of those things. She just stared at Jasper, wide-eyed and speechless. Jasper resisted the urge to look away.

“Jasper. I am your Diamond.” Gone were the pretenses of composure and tranquility. Her voice was raised and her fist was clenched. Jasper was terrified. “My judgement is absolute. It is not your place to question me.”

Jasper had not dropped out of her salute. “Yes, my Diamond. But I think you should reconsider. Pearl-”

“ _Pearl_? Since when did you become so familiar with her?” Her face was inscrutable. “You’re walking a dangerous path, Jasper. That almost sounds…” Her lip curled imperceptibly. “Treasonous.”

Jasper’s eyes widened. She dropped to her knees, kneeling. “Never. I fight for you, my Diamond. The Rebellion is my enemy.”

Jasper even surprised herself with how passionately she said those words. Yellow Diamond was quiet for a long moment, observing. When she spoke again, the anger was gone from her voice. “How many years have you fought for me?”

Jasper’s response was immediate. “Eighty six.”

“Yes,” She mused. “And with little reward.”

Jasper didn’t want to let herself hope. She risked a glance upward, but Yellow Diamond wasn’t looking at her any more, deep in thought. “I can get you a Pearl, if that’s what you want. I’ll overlook this offense. It’ll be a gift for your promotion and life of service, however short.”

The offer was almost enough to be tempting. But Jasper knew she didn’t want the kind of Pearl made in the Imperium, dainty and quiet and submissive. She wanted Pearl, forged on the battlefield, with her steely eyes and quick wit and unexpected strength. Jasper wouldn’t settle for anything less. “I appreciate the offer, my Diamond, but I want the Rebel Pearl.”

Yellow Diamond looked over to her again, silent. Jasper felt like she could see right through her. And then she made a sound that was almost a laugh and sank back into her chair, shaking her head. “I understand. This Pearl is a novelty because she’s a Rebel and you’ve grown attached.” Jasper didn’t respond. Yellow Diamond continued. “The points you raise are valid. Being an informant is more useful than being dead. And I did say we’d attempt to recondition her.” She considered it for a long moment before she sighed again. “Fine. You can try to recondition her. If you manage to, you will be even more useful to me.”

Jasper couldn’t believe it. “When will I get her?”

“Tomorrow. I’ll tell them to get her ready for you. ” Yellow Diamond tapped the display and it sprung to life before her. She was suddenly disinterested again. “You can try for a month. If she does not show signs of improvement by then, we will get rid of her.” Her eyes slid back over to Jasper. “This is a favor. Torturing her is much more efficient. Prove yourself to be an asset to me and make me believe this is the right choice.”

Jasper stood and saluted again, unable to keep the smile from her face. “Yes, my Diamond! Thank you!”

Yellow Diamond didn’t look over. “You are dismissed.”

-

Jasper was told to report to the kindergartens were Pearls were made. There was an entire section devoted to simply that, with schools that would teach the Pearls how to fit into their caste. It was similar to Beta in a lot of ways, but it was very different, too; it was pristine and well kept, and there were countless of other soldiers there filing requests and examining the Pearls who were for sale. Jasper saw a place where you could rent a Pearl for an hour. She was suddenly very, very uncomfortable.

The room Pearl was being kept in was off to the side. Pearl had been bathed and given a new, different uniform, this one not bearing the Rebellion’s star. It was the same leotard and thigh-highs all Pearls were outfitted with. Jasper could only guess what they did with her old uniform.

Her wounds had been mostly healed. Those left over were too serious to be dealt with by the bandages and were wrapped in gauze. Even so, her skin was covered in scars. Jasper had never seen a Pearl with scars before.

She had a vacant, distant look in her half-open eyes, not even glancing up from the ground as Jasper entered. The Peridot paced around her, prodding here and there, examining Pearl’s teeth and checking her eyes. She made a sound of disapproval when she saw the scratched corneas. After making her last entry into Pearl’s chart, she turned to Jasper and raised her eyebrows skeptically. “You’re going to need a specialist for her. She’s too badly damaged and has several infections, as well as a fever.” She walked around to Pearl’s back again and shook her head, speaking with disdain. “She’s used and fairly old and… Are you sure you want a _used_ Pearl?”

For the first time, the way she spoke- like Pearl wasn’t even there, like she couldn’t understand what she was saying- infuriated Jasper. Briefly, she entertained the idea of grabbing the Peridot and teaching her a lesson before she reigned in her temper and forced herself to only nod. “Yes.”

The Peridot shook her head again before retrieving something circular and white and holding it out to Jasper. Jasper just stared, not recognizing it, and the Peridot scoffed. “What, you didn't think you could just let her roam around, right? It’s a tracking collar. All Pearls have to wear them.” She pointed toward the little pad in the center. “That’s for your thumb. Same kind of thing as your restraints.”

Of course. That’s why Yellow Diamond’s Pearl had the collar. Jasper accepted it and dismissed the Peridot with a wave of her hand. “I can take it from here. Send the specialist up to my quarters in two hours.”

The Peridot left and Jasper approached Pearl carefully. She still kept her gaze downward, not even seeming to notice Jasper. “Pearl.”

Pearl looked slowly up to the collar in Jasper’s hand and the squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath. She visibly swallowed before tilting her head back to reveal her long, pretty neck, and Jasper was suddenly consumed with the urge to lean forward and-

She blinked, shaking her head a little to dispel the thought. Now wasn’t the time. Instead, she gently brought the collar around Pearl’s neck and clicked it into place. She felt Pearl shudder. Jasper’s hands lingered on her skin for a moment too long before she drew them back, pressing her thumb against the pad.

Pearl was hers. It came with a rush of possessiveness she hadn’t expected, both disgusting and exhilarating her. The want she had ignored for so long rushed back to the surface; Jasper suppressed it again. Later, she could dwell on it, but now, Pearl needed her. “Can you walk?”

Pearl nodded slowly, her voice barely above a whisper. “Yes.”

Jasper put her hand on Pearl’s shoulder, trying to comfort her, but she flinched away and Jasper immediately yanked her hand back, mumbling an apology. She really wasn’t good at this. “Okay. Follow me.”

For the majority of the trip back to Jasper’s quarters, Pearl walked two steps behind her with her head down and hands folded, demure and proper. To anyone observing, she would look like the perfect little Pearl. To Jasper, it was deeply unsettling.

When they were almost at Jasper’s hallway, Pearl’s knees buckled and she stumbled forward. She would have fallen if Jasper hadn’t caught her. She hesitantly touched her forehead and found it hot; the Peridot was right. She was sick. “We’re almost there. Do you want me to carry you?”

Pearl seemed stunned. For her to offer help was taboo- aiding a Pearl in any way was seen as being subservient to them- but at this point, she couldn’t care less. Pearl was sick and wounded and Jasper just wanted to get her back.

“I’m fine.” Pearl pushed herself up and took an unsteady step forward, her face twisted in concentration. She nearly lost her balance. “I’m not helpless.”

“I didn’t say you were.” Pearl didn’t respond to that, swaying lightly on her feet. Jasper watched for a moment before sighing. “You’re not fine.”

Pearl hugged herself, nearly bowed over. She kept her face turned away from Jasper. “Let me have this.” Her voice was almost inaudible. “If I can have nothing else, at least let me walk on my own.”

Oh. Pearl thought her offer came from a place of superiority. From a place of contempt. She thought Jasper was being patronizing. “Pearl, I…” Jasper approached her. Pearl still refused to look at her. She tried to find the words; she was never good at talking to people. She didn’t have much practice. “I don’t want to help you because I think you’re weak. You’re sick and wounded. Anyone would be at this point.”

Pearl didn’t move. She was silent for a very long moment. Then she sighed. “How much longer until we arrive at your quarters?”

“About six minutes.”

Pearl raised her head and looked around the empty hallway. Jasper had specifically taken a route that would have less people. She stared ahead for a long moment before she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and turned to Jasper. “Okay.”

Jasper lifted her with the utmost caution, trying not to press on any of her wounds. Pearl weighed nothing. At first, she sat stiffly in Jasper’s arms, but exhaustion seemed to overtake her and steadily she relaxed. Eventually, she ended up leaning her head against Jasper’s chest and falling asleep. She was delirious from the fever, probably, or just way too exhausted to think. If she wasn’t, she would never be this close to Jasper willingly.

Probably.

Jasper just finished the remaining distance and entered her quarters. She brought Pearl to her bed, laying her down carefully. The shadow of a bruise still lingered on her cheekbone, and the bandages on her body seemed to stand out more than the scars. She had been through so much. A Pearl didn’t deserve what she had dealt with.

Before she could stop herself, she brushed a lock of hair out of her face with fingers that hovered over her skin for far too long. She withdrew them, laughing cruelly at herself. She was going soft.

But maybe, rarely, being soft wasn’t such a bad thing.

She remained there for a few more moments before leaving her, waiting for her specialist to arrive. Pearls were often weaker than other castes and required more maintenance; a specialist was trained for those specific needs. She estimated Pearl wouldn’t wake up until at least tomorrow, constantly remarking on how incredible it was that Pearl was even alive.

Jasper agreed. Her special Pearl, hardy and fierce. She felt something that could have verged upon respect.

The specialist left and Pearl didn’t wake up again, even when Jasper returned from a mission hours later. That night, Jasper slept on the floor.


	6. Chapter 6

When Jasper was still young, one of her fellow soldiers brought a Pearl back to the barracks. She was a cheap one, entirely unremarkable and rented from a peddler nearby; according to the soldier, she had a whole group of them.

The Pearl had been standing with her hands curled into her leotard, eyes downcast and knuckles white as the others appraised her. Jasper hadn’t thought anything of it at the time- she looked like any other pearl, timid and submissive- but after knowing Pearl for so long, she realized she was scared.

The soldier who brought her pushed her forward and she stumbled awkwardly into the middle of the room, eyes widening as she took in how many others were around her. Someone pulled on the bottom of her leotard and let it snap back into place. They laughed as she jumped. The group forming around her increased in size, and soon, Jasper couldn’t even see her anymore. She quickly lost interest after that- she had never liked Pearls much- but she could hear her cries all through the night.

Renting Pearls was an incredibly common practice, especially during the war. Unless it was at a kindergarten, it was illegal, but the black market flourished nonetheless. No one really cracked down on it; after all, it was a lucrative business, and Pearls were made for this sort of thing. Nearly every caste participated in it. Jasper never did and she never questioned it.

But now? Having spent so much time with Pearl; having put her honor on the line for her? Seeing that Pearl had her own thoughts and feelings?

Now, it deeply, deeply unsettled her.

 

Pearl slipped in and out of a fevered sleep for the next few days. The specialist visited daily, administering antibiotics for her infections and repairing the damage from the past two weeks. Jasper couldn’t watch; she couldn’t bear to see how much Pearl had endured. The specialist couldn’t stop remarking on how incredible it was that Pearl survived at all.

Steadily, the wounds disappeared. The bruise on her cheekbone was completely gone, and the bags under her eyes faded until they were pale imitations of what they once were. The gashes from the whipping healed over with several knotted scars the specialist had been working tirelessly on reducing. Jasper said she didn’t care- she was covered in her own assortment of various marks- but the specialist paid her no heed. A Pearl’s appearance was the most important thing, she had said. Jasper eventually gave up.

When the specialist wasn’t there, Jasper spent her time off of missions forcing herself through Holly Blue’s book about Pearls and checking on her own. Pearl’s skin was always hot against her fingertips; Jasper never touched anywhere but her cheek, soft and fleeting. Pearl didn’t stir.

Three days in, Pearl’s fever finally broke, and the specialist told Jasper she had woken up briefly while Jasper was away on a mission. “My work here is done,” She said. “Take care of her.”

Jasper planned to do exactly that. She went to the bedroom straightaway and found Pearl already awake and out of bed, standing in front of the mirror and examining her smooth back. She didn’t look at Jasper. “Did you do this?”

It took Jasper a moment to realize she was talking about the missing scars. It wasn’t just from the whipping; Pearl didn’t have a single scar left. It was almost jarring to see. “No. The specialist did it on her own. I told her it didn’t matter, but she didn’t listen.”

Pearl still didn’t look at her. Her face was blank, but Jasper got the feeling she was anything but neutral. “All my scars are gone. All of them.” She turned so that she was facing the mirror and her fingers left her back, traveling across her body until they came to a stop at her side. “The stab wound from when Rose Quartz and I fled the Imperium together.” Then, her outer thigh. “The blaster graze from my first battle alongside her.” Her upper arm. “The burns from when we liberated our first planet. They’re all gone.” She spun around, her hand flying away and clenching into a fist. “I really am nothing more than your possession now, aren’t I?!”

“Pearl…” Jasper took a hesitant step toward her. She stopped when Pearl stiffened, instead reaching up to her own face and tracing the scar along her cheekbone, still prominent after nearly a century. “This is from when my kindergarten was raided. Bismuth herself gave it to me. It’s a reminder of why I fight this war. If I lost it…” She sighed deeply. “I’m sorry.”

Pearl looked to the ground, shaking her head. “You don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me. I want to understand.”

Pearl’s fingers interlocked and separated over and over again in an anxious dance. Her gaze didn’t move from the floor. “Your scars are a sign of your service. They’re an honor you bear proudly. Each has a story to tell and each shows your devotion to your cause. It’s the same way for me as it is for you. But you’re expected to have them. Me? A Pearl?” She laughed mirthlessly, shaking her head again. “Those scars were a part of me. They were proof that my caste had no control over who I chose to be. And now they’re gone.” She looked at her reflection and touched her collar, her voice turning bitter. “I really am nothing more than your slave.”

Jasper didn’t know how to respond to that. It was her fault Pearl was in this position, regardless of what it had gotten her out of. Jasper had all the power; Pearl was just as vulnerable as the one in the barracks so long ago. Inadvertently, Jasper had left Pearl defenseless.

Before Jasper could say anything, Pearl took a shuddering breath and her hand dropped to her side. She watched it fall. “When I agreed to this, I was desperate. I had forgotten how mad it was. I didn’t really remember until they took me to a Pearl to clean and bandage me. I tried to talk to her, but she didn’t respond, and she had this look in her eyes… Like she couldn’t hear me. Like she wasn’t there at all. And then, in the kindergarten… There are so many of them. And they’re all treated like _objects_.” She spat the word and her eyes darted up to Jasper again, fiery and full of indignation. “I’m not an object, Jasper.”

Jasper was surprised by her sudden passion. She hadn’t expected this, especially not immediately after Pearl woke up. She averted her eyes. Her fantasies, her thoughts… They were all so objectifying. Confronted with the truth of it, she was suddenly almost ashamed. “I know. You’re not like them; I won’t treat you like them. You’re special.”

Pearl snapped, her voice rising to a shout. “I’m not! I keep telling you, I’m just the same as any other Pearl; I just got lucky! The rest of them, they were broken by this awful place!” She let out a sharp breath that almost sounded like a sob and wrapped her arms around herself, leaning against the mirror for support. “I was the same way. I know exactly what they’re going through and I can’t help them.”

Jasper furrowed her brow. “What… Do you mean?”

Pearl sunk down, spent. She brought her knees up to her chin and hugged them close. She looked very, very tired. “I was just like any other Pearl when Rose Quartz found me. I’m not special.”

Jasper approached her, slowly at first. When she made no move to stop her, she sat, still at a careful distance. Any information about Rose Quartz would be useful to Yellow Diamond, but most of all, Jasper was curious herself. “What do you mean, she found you?”

Pearl just continued to stare at the ground. “It’s a long story.” When Jasper didn’t move, she gave in, sitting back against the wall and tilting her head back against it. She clasped her hands in her lap and closed her eyes, as if visualizing whatever it was she was remembering. “For the first century and a half of my life, I lived as a normal Pearl. I spent my early days at the estate of a well-off Citrine on some planet at the edge of the galaxy, cut off from the rest of the world. I never had any ideas of rebellion or revolution; I just lived and I served. I never heard about Rose Quartz or her growing resistance.

“Eventually, the Citrine had her fill of me and sent me off with a group of her other Pearls, going to some other planet as a gift.” Her hands tightened around each other. “The ship was attacked and the guards were killed. The Pearls were taken and sold on the black market. I was bought by a peddler. I’m sure you know of them; they were very active during the war.”

Jasper nodded, a sour taste in her mouth. She knew of them all too well.

Pearl continued without waiting for her to respond. She looked progressively more pained as she spoke. “That was my life for ten years. We were paraded around the same few military bases, rented to soldiers for money, passed around like we were objects. We got nothing in return. If we didn’t do what the soldiers wanted, we could get beaten or killed.”

Jasper felt her stomach sink to her feet. Her disgust for herself grew. She may have never participated, but she did let it happen. That Pearl from so long ago must have suffered so  much. Pearl must have suffered so much.

“But then, Rose Quartz came.” Pearl’s entire countenance shifted, and a small smile graced her lips. “It was just her in the Rebellion at first, and we were far enough away from the Mothership that we didn’t get the news about her treason. I thought she was going to be like the rest of you, but she wasn’t. She liberated all of us.” That smile spread. “The others didn’t listen to her. They were too old; they had given up a long time ago. But I was young, and I was sick of my life. So I went with her.

“She gave me a name and we deserted the Imperium together, fighting our way through the military base and stealing a starship. We started a revolution. I learned that I wasn’t an object. I was a person. I am a person.” She paused and then sighed, wistful. “And it’s been like that for the past one hundred years.”

Jasper’s expression softened. It made sense why Pearl would rebel. She wasn’t misguided; she was completely justified. And the way she spoke about Rose, the warmth in her voice… “You love her.”

It was a statement, not a question, but Pearl responded anyway. “More than anything. She made me realize that I deserve respect. That I don’t belong to anybody.”

Jasper felt a stab of envy at that. Of course, Rose Quartz had to ruin everything for her, one way or another. Even her Pearl was enraptured with her. Her emotions made her brash. “You belong to me.”

With that, Pearl’s smile dropped from her face and her eyes flew open, all warmth draining. She glared at Jasper speaking through clenched teeth. She repeated herself and each word was emphasized. “ _I don’t belong to anybody._ ”

There was a long, tense moment where they stared at each other, neither daring to move. Jasper didn’t back down. Pearl’s gaze was unwavering.

And then Jasper’s communicator buzzed and it was over. Jasper tore her eyes away and digged it out from its place on her belt, squinting down at the message. “Shit. I have to go. They need me on a mission.” She looked back over to Pearl, who still looked furious. “Will you be okay on your own?”

Pearl narrowed her eyes, offended. “Of course.”

“Okay.” Jasper started toward the exit, uncomfortable. This wasn’t at all what she had expected. It wasn’t what she had wanted. “Make sure you get some rest.”

Pearl didn’t respond. Jasper left.

-

Peridot glared up at her from the pilot’s seat as she entered, typing the destination’s coordinates into the ship’s console. “Oh, great. You again.”

Jasper rolled her eyes, casting a longing glance behind her at the vehicle bay, so full of people who weren’t Peridot. It would be so easy to go back and join them again. “I thought this was going to be a solo mission.”

Peridot returned to what she was doing, disinterested. The ship roared to life as she tapped away at it. “I’m just as thrilled.”

The hatch closed automatically as the ship prepared for liftoff and Jasper walked over to the only other seat. It was unfortunately directly beside Peridot. She sank into it, sprawling out and watching Peridot type boredly. “What are we transporting that requires a Lieutenant to come with you?”

Peridot shrugged, not looking up from the console as she navigated the ship out of the bay. “Dunno. It’s so high profile I’m not even allowed to look at it. We’re taking it to some remote base on an asteroid.” She grinned and pointed to herself pompously. “Thankfully for you, you have me to navigate our way through it. I’m a certified-”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jasper couldn’t care less. She skimmed the data displayed on the console for an arrival time but came up empty. “How long is this going to take?”

Peridot considered it. “The asteroid is pretty far away. By my calculations, taking into consideration our speed as well as the rate at which the asteroid moves in its orbit- the coordinates are never completely precise, you know- compiled with-”

“Get to the point,” Jasper growled.

Peridot glowered. The Mothership shrunk away in the viewing screen as they shot off into space. “I forgot how stupid you soldiers are. It’ll take two weeks to a month.”

“Two weeks?” Jasper leaned back into her seat even further, exasperated. She hadn’t told Pearl she would be gone that long. She had to show Yellow Diamond results before the month was over. And spending all that time stuck in a tiny transport vessel with Peridot? This had to be punishment for her behavior in Yellow Diamond’s court.

Peridot was just as annoyed. “Look, this is going to happen whether we want it to or not. Yellow Diamond obviously thinks we work together well or something. I doubt this is the last mission we’ll be on together.”

It was the unfortunate truth. Jasper didn’t respond, taking out her communicator and pulling up the book. It was better than listening to Peridot’s awful whining.

She couldn’t concentrate on it for long, though. Her mind kept wandering back to what Pearl had just revealed to her. She wasn’t made defiant; she chose to be. She had been a normal Pearl before but decided to be something else. It was unbelievable. But Jasper couldn’t deny it when the proof was right in front of her.

Pearl was a Pearl. She was also a Rebel soldier and assassin. Jasper could never reconcile the two, not really. They were such starkly different roles. But Pearl was both at the same time and more- she was her own person. She had not been created a Rebel. She had chosen to be one herself. She was evidence that a person could defy their caste; that they could be an individual.

Jasper had always dismissed the Rebellion’s beliefs as wishful thinking at best and nonsense at worst. Ignoring your caste and becoming something distinct and new was impossible and ridiculous. But Pearl had done just that. She wasn’t just a Rebel, and she wasn’t just a Pearl; she was something unique. And that revelation made Jasper more conflicted than anything.

If Pearl could defy her caste, could Jasper do the same?

“Since when did you own a Pearl?”

Peridot’s voice startled Jasper out of her thoughts. She was looking at Jasper’s communicator shamelessly, skimming through the lines of text. Jasper immediately shut it off and shoved it back in her belt. Did Peridot have any sense of boundaries whatsoever? “Since last week.”

Peridot was skeptical. “That was awfully fast.”

“They were special circumstances.”

Something seemed to dawn on Peridot and her mouth dropped open. She was suddenly much more interested. “No way! It was the Rebel Pearl, wasn’t it?”

Jasper narrowed her eyes. She was still suspicious of Peridot, and this wasn’t helping her case. “Why do you care so much?”

Peridot huffed and returned to the console. “I was just trying to make conversation! You Era Ones are always so prickly.”

So Peridot was an Era Two. Jasper should have known; she was as disrespectful and annoying as the rest of them. The war was split into two parts- the period before interstellar warfare, and the period after- and the people created during those times were divided into two eras. Jasper hated Era Twos. They never understood what the war was like before.

Peridot’s gaze slid over to her again and she cocked an eyebrow, giving her a once-over. Her gaze was analytical. “What kindergarten spat you out, anyway? You’re so discolored. I thought Beta soldiers were the only ones who looked like that, but you’re not as defective.”

Jasper glared at her. She certainly wasn’t making this any easier. “I am a Beta soldier. And it’s called vitiligo.”

Peridot snorted. “Oh, wow. I’m on a mission with a Beta. What a disgrace!”

Jasper stood, her fists clenched. Peridot had crossed the line. On any other ship, a comment like that would be enough for Jasper to challenge them to a sparring match. If she tried to fight Peridot, though, she would snap her in an instant. It was a pleasing thought. “I’ve been fighting in this war longer than you’ve been alive, so you better shut up and show some respect. Peridots like you are the reason my kindergarten was such a mess, anyway.”

Peridot was anything but intimidated. She didn’t even stand to face her, instead simply switching the ship onto autopilot and swiveling around in her chair. Her arms were crossed and she scowled up at Jasper. “Peridots are the reason you’re alive. You soldiers had lost so badly that Beta was a rush job. An accident like that was bound to happen.”

Jasper leaned down, smiling cruelly. “Peridots are the reason you’re alive, too. That’s another pretty big accident.”

Peridot spluttered, leaping out of her seat. “You stuck up little-”

She was interrupted by her log vibrating as a rush of messages poured in. Immediately, her anger was abandoned and she snatched it up, falling back into her seat and frantically scrolling through them. She looked truly concerned. Jasper could see on the console that they had left the area where the Imperium was blocking messages from outsiders, a radius that followed the Mothership around wherever it went. It could be bypassed, but not without a lot of work. It was even harder to do it undetected.

So Peridot was receiving messages from outside the Imperium. That was strange. But, then again, her Amethyst could have just been on a mission to some far away outpost and Jasper was being overly cautious. She just sat back and kicked her feet up on the dashboard, relieved that, in any case, Peridot had finally shut up. She didn’t even complain about Jasper treating expensive equipment with such little respect; whatever was happening must have been pretty serious. Jasper just watched the stars pass, smug.

-

The rest of the mission went smoothly and silently. Peridot didn’t say another word after the message she got, going from anxiously exchanging messages or sitting sullen and absorbed in her own thoughts. Jasper couldn’t have been any more content about that.

The asteroid base was actually a laboratory. When they arrived, they were escorted off and told to wait while whatever it was they had brought was retrieved from the ship. Once it was off, they were promptly rushed back in and told to leave.  Jasper never got to see what they had delivered.

The return journey was much less interesting, mostly comprised of Jasper picking her way through the book and wondering if Pearl was doing alright. She wondered if she could get a communicator for Pearl- capped, of course, so she couldn’t contact the Rebellion- just so she wouldn’t fret too much or do whatever it was Pearls did when their owners were gone.

As soon as the hatch was cleared, Jasper was out, eager to return to Pearl and get away from Peridot. The first thing she was greeted by when she entered her quarters were the way her dining room was rearranged. The table had been pushed to the side to make room for a kitchenette that took up half of the room, and the majority of the chairs had sheets or other laundry draped over them. Other than that, it was absolutely pristine. The same could be said about the bathroom and training room.

When Jasper went to check the bedroom, she found Pearl sitting in the center of the room, surrounded by a pile of clean sheets. She had another one in her hands and was folding it with practiced precision, placing it on a stack of others that were just as perfect. She barely spared Jasper a glance. “Oh. You’re back.”

Jasper shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to go about this. After Pearl’s outburst, Jasper wasn’t sure what to expect. Was Pearl still angry at her? She had every reason to be. Pearl just continued to fold and Jasper looked around the room. Every surface she saw had been scrubbed clean, and the bed had been completely stripped. It was almost unrecognizable. “You’ve been busy.”

This time, Pearl didn’t look up. “Well, this place was a mess. How do you live like this?”

Jasper leaned against the doorway, still tense, watching Pearl’s movements. “I don’t. I just moved in.”

“The previous tenant was a disaster, then. Almost as bad as…” She trailed off and the sheet dropped in her lap dejectedly. She stared at it for a moment, solemn, before she sighed and picked it back up. “Anyway, I’ve cleaned the whole place and washed the sheets. You don’t have a washing machine, so I just used the bathtub. I also placed ordered a kitchenette since the food the Imperium issues is awful.”

It was a subtle challenge to her authority. Pearl was seeing how flexible Jasper was; she could tell. She wanted to see how Jasper would react, to see how much freedom she would be allowed. Jasper played into it. “I didn’t order you to do any of that.”

Pearl didn’t even hesitate to respond. “I don’t need you to order me to do anything.” Jasper didn’t respond and Pearl continued. Jasper got the feeling she had won. “And before I forget, I made some modifications to the training station as well. I was using it while you were gone.”

“What?!” If Pearl broke anything, it would be an easy fix, but Jasper would have to deal with a Peridot technician and she had more than enough Peridot for a week. She ran into the training room to examine the damage, starting up the training console.

Pearl hadn’t damaged it at all, however; she had simply adapted the existing program to accommodate entirely different software Jasper had never seen. She clicked on the most recently accessed level and a hologram of Pearl came to life, dropping into a fighting stance. “Advanced hand-to-hand training session initiated. Do you wish to engage in combat?”

Jasper admired it, speechless and astonished. It was just as good as anything she had seen the Imperium make. She shut down the console after a moment and returned to the bedroom. Pearl was still folding laundry. “Pearl, this is amazing! Who taught you how to do that?”

Pearl smiled and spoke with pride.  “I came up with it myself. I wasn’t just a soldier, you know. I was an aerospace engineer and tactician for Rose Quartz.”

Jasper couldn’t believe what she had just heard. It took her a moment to even respond. “ _You_ were Rose Quartz’s _tactician_?!”

Pearl looked over to Jasper, one eyebrow raised. “You don’t think she came up with all her plans herself, did you? Most of it was from me. She trusted my judgement more than anyone else’s. We were equals.”

All of Jasper’s life, she had harbored a begrudging respect for Rose Quartz’s ingenious strategy. She had defeated the Imperium time and time again with a band of outcasts, training them to be formidable warriors and fighting battles that were as incredible as they were horrific. Jasper had seen those plans in action; she had been impressed by her tenacity and carefully planned attacks.

But apparently, that hadn’t been Rose Quartz’s strategy in action. It had been Pearl’s.

“I…” Jasper bowed her head slightly, brow furrowed. Pearl, the mastermind behind the Rebellion? It still hadn’t quite processed. “I’m honored.”

Pearl was dumbstruck for a long moment, staring at Jasper with a mixture or shock and complete confusion. “Um… What?”

“I’ve always respected Rose Quartz’s tactics. If you’re the one who came up with them…” She shook her head. “I’ve seriously underestimated you.”

Pearl laughed, high and pretty. It was the first time Jasper had heard her laugh; it was lovely. “That’s an understatement.”

Jasper looked away, flustered and still stuck in disbelief. Pearl, a tactician? It seemed absurd, but if Jasper had learned anything over the past month, it was that Pearl was full of surprises. She was anything if not clever. Resilient, sharp, and… Deserving of respect. A Pearl, deserving of respect.

But she wasn’t just any Pearl; she was brilliant. And she was definitely much, much more important to the Rebellion than a simple assassin would be. The Rebellion would notice her absence. Rose Quartz would notice her absence.

Jasper suddenly felt much more possessive.

“Jasper…” Jasper was drawn out of her thoughts by Pearl’s voice and looked over. She had a playful gleam in her eye and Jasper was much more interested. “We never did get that rematch.”

“You want me to fight you? Now?”

Pearl gestured toward the training room. “You have weapons in there, don’t you?”

“Yes, but…” Jasper averted her gaze. “I don’t want to hurt you. You’re still weak.”

“You’d be surprised.” Jasper still wasn’t certain. Pearl smiled mischievously, her voice teasing. “Don’t you want to show me how much of a big, strong soldier you are?”

Jasper grinned, her mind completely changed. In that case… She stood up straight and stretched, cracking her knuckles. “I haven’t sparred anyone for fun in a long time.”

Pearl set the sheet aside, perfectly folded, and started toward the training room. Jasper watched her pass. “Oh, I don’t know how much fun this will be for you.”

She approached the weapons rack, examining her choices. There was an array of different kinds on display- battle axes, spears, swords, and, of course, blasters- and Pearl quickly chose a spear, spinning it with a flourish and slamming the butt of it into the ground. She turned to Jasper expectantly.

Jasper was a little nervous about letting Pearl arm herself, even if all the weapons were blunted or otherwise made non-lethal. After all, she did so much damage with just a spoon; with a spear, she could truly be formidable. But she had the tracking collar now. She wouldn’t be able to get far with it, not unless she forced Jasper to unlock it somehow.

With that, she let it happen. Pearl raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head. Even with her spear, Jasper doubted she’d be strong enough to take her down on her own. “I wouldn’t want to give myself an unfair advantage.” She dropped into a fighting stance, bare fists clenched, prepared to hold herself back. “Ready when you are.”

For a long moment, neither of them moved, eyes locked. Jasper admired her stance; her weight was perfectly distributed, her spear held with a confident hand, her feet firmly planted into the ground. She looked sturdy. Jasper had never really noticed how pretty her legs were before, but that outfit really did bring out-

Pearl leapt forward at her, swinging her spear, and Jasper dropped into a clumsy duck. The tip of the spear grazed the top of her head. Jasper jumped back, throwing a punch that Pearl easily dodged, slipping behind her. Jasper whirled around to face her and dove toward her, intent on grabbing her waist and tackling her to the ground. Pearl sidestepped and she stumbled forward, her arms closing in around empty air. She dug her heels into the ground. Obviously, restraint was not the way to go about this.

“You’re too slow!” Pearl called, pausing before jumping at her again. She moved with such grace, every attack smooth and precise like a well-choreographed dance, never uncertain of her next move. She was easily balanced and nimble, while Jasper was narrowly avoiding her attacks, barely able to land her own. They seemed evenly matched- neither of them able to harm the other- but then Pearl’s spear clipped her side and she lost her footing. With quick precision, Pearl rapped the shaft of the spear against her shins and she was completely unbalanced, falling back against the training mat. She immediately pushed herself up.

Before she could completely recover, Pearl planted a foot on her chest and pushed her back down again, pressing the point of the spear against her neck. She wore a victorious grin. Even though the spear was blunted, Jasper could feel the danger behind it and its wielder; it awoke a primal fear in her along with something else. She was breathing hard for reasons other than the physical exertion.

Pearl leaned down and Jasper’s breath caught in her throat. Her voice was soft, completely different than the hard-won strength of the rest of her. “See?” The smile grew. “My win wasn’t a fluke. I’m a highly trained soldier, same as you.” The spear dug in a bit more and her gaze grew intense. “ _And I’m not your possession_.”

Jasper swallowed hard, her voice leaving her altogether. When she finally forced words out, they were barely more than a whisper. “Yes. I see that now.”

Pearl didn’t move and Jasper feared she would be able to feel her heart pounding in her chest. She had never been this close to Pearl before, and she had never touched this much of her… One side of her face was illuminated with the blue light from the dormant training console, softly pulsing in the room. She looked absolutely predatory, dangerous and alluring. Jasper was suddenly consumed with the urge to be closer to her, so strong it was a physical ache. Her hand lifted off the ground.

Pearl stood and the pressure around her neck was gone. Jasper took a shuddering breath, bolting upright and trying to ignore just how much she wanted to pin Pearl against the wall and rip off her leotard. Or, actually, if Pearl pinned her to the floor again… She shook her head slightly, trying to clear it. There were more pressing matters to attend to. “How did you beat me? What did I do wrong?”

Pearl held her spear to the side and examined her. “Well, first of all, you’re too headstrong and too slow. You’re impatient and impulsive. You have to be lighter on your feet. That’s one of the reasons that I dance.” She turned to leave. “But you’re a competent soldier nonetheless. I’ve had centuries of practice.”

Jasper scrambled to her feet, her fists clenched. “Competent isn’t good enough!” Her fingernails dug into her palm. “If I’m not perfect, I’m worthless to the Imperium.” _And to myself._

Pearl paused at the weapons rack, hesitating. Something shifted in her and she closed her eyes, setting the spear back and turning around to face Japer, taking one step toward her. “Jasper… Your worth doesn’t stem from your usefulness. It stems from who you are as a person.” Jasper refused to look at her. She continued nonetheless. “I don’t think you’re worthless. You helped me. That’s worth something.” Jasper still didn’t respond and she sighed. “I’ve had a while to think about what happened. How I feel about this.” Her hand rested on the collar. “I don’t apologize for what I said or how I acted, but I do apologize for not thanking you. Regardless of if you had ulterior motives, what you did stopped me from being tortured and it probably saved my life. You stood up to your Diamond, didn’t you?”

Jasper finally relented, meeting her gaze. “Yellow Diamond isn’t my Diamond. But I did stand up to her.”

Pearl smiled. “That’s brave. You have courage. And you have compassion.”

Jasper snorted. Her, compassionate? That was ridiculous. Jasper was far from being a nice person. “Right.”

“You wouldn’t have helped me if you didn’t.”

Jasper couldn’t argue with that. She could say that helping Pearl was fueled by her own self-interest- it was the truth- but deep down, she might have truly cared for Pearl. A little.

And it was for that reason she relented. Pearl deserved to know what had happened. “I have to tell you something.”

Pearl noticed her shift in mood and the smile dropped from her face. “What is it?”

“Yellow Diamond only let me have you because I promised I’d recondition you. After today, I can see that’s impossible. I don’t even want to. I never did. We have two weeks before you have to show her I can make you into a normal Pearl. I know you won’t return to that, but…” Jasper took a deep breath. She knew what she was suggesting was treasonous; it was worse than anything she had done before. To deceive her Diamond was worse than committing an outright crime. But Jasper couldn’t force Pearl into anything, and Pearl couldn’t abandon her individuality. If Jasper wanted Pearl alive, this was the only alternative. “Yellow Diamond doesn’t have to know that. You can still act like a Pearl, right?”

Pearl was stunned. She stared at Jasper open-mouthed for a moment before a sly grin spread across her face. “Look at you, Jasper. You almost sound like a Rebel. Tricking Yellow Diamond?”

“I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to.” Jasper made a sound that was almost a laugh. “And I don’t want you to be a normal Pearl. I like the way you are.”

Pearl raised an eyebrow. “As your possession or as a person?”

 _Both, preferably_ was Jasper’s immediate response, but she held her tongue. “As a person, I think. You’re very… unique.” Pearl’s smile widened and Jasper averted her gaze, suddenly embarrassed. Pearl had a very nice smile. “So you’ll cooperate?”

“Well, it’s better than the alternative, isn’t it? And I can act like a Pearl very convincingly. I spent most of my life doing so, after all. Isn’t it just an act for all of us?” Jasper didn’t respond and Pearl suddenly became serious. “But if we are to live together like this, there are a few conditions we have to agree upon.”

Jasper furrowed her brow. Of course, a catch. Pearl was too canny to agree otherwise. “What are they?”

“First, you have to treat me like a person. Not an object. Not your possession. But a person.”

Jasper nodded. That was easy enough.

“Second, I have to have some freedom. I won’t do what normal Pearls do. I won’t be subservient and I won’t take your orders.”

Jasper had expected as much, but it was still harder to accept. She didn’t nod this time. “Okay.”

“And last…” Pearl paused, as if to emphasize how important the next one was. Her gaze was unwavering. “You can’t touch me.”

The rest, Jasper could deal with. The rest were simple adjustments to her behavior and nothing more. But this… “Why not?”

Pearl’s eyes narrowed and Jasper got the feeling she was disappointed. “Because I won’t become your sexual object.”

Jasper leaned back, crossing her arms. “Because you belong to Rose Quartz.”

Pearl let out an exasperated breath. “No. I told you, I don’t belong to anybody. Rose Quartz and I were- are- equals. You and I are equals as well.”

Jasper snorted. “Yeah, and I’m equal to Yellow Diamond.”

“You are.”

Jasper almost laughed. “How? Yellow Diamond is a perfect being. I’m…” Worthless? A defect; a blight on the Imperium? “Not even close.”

“Why do you think that?” She lied to you, Jasper. She lied to you for an entire century.”

Jasper didn’t respond. She didn’t want to question her Diamond anymore; it was pointless. Jasper had served the Imperium for her entire existence and she would serve it for a century more. It was her role in life. She could do little to change it, not even if she wanted to.

Pearl seemed to sense this and her demeanor shifted; she took a step toward Jasper and tilted her head to the side. “Don’t you find it odd that relationships are banned in the Imperium? Humans are so desperate for connections with others and yet they are denied that simple thing. Why do you think that is?”

Jasper easily recited what her superiors had told her ever since she was made. “Relationships are only distractions from serving your Diamond. They have no worthwhile meaning or use.”

Pearl shook her head. “It’s all about serving your Diamond, isn’t it. Never what you want. Just how useful you can be.”

Jasper shrugged. “It’s our purpose.”

“But why should your purpose be predetermined? Why should you have to serve a role already decided for you?” Pearl took another step closer and her voice became soft again, like that time in the cell surrounded by darkness. “Jasper. Do you like fighting?”

That question again. Before, Jasper had avoided answering, too afraid of what she would find. Now, after all Pearl had said, she finally, truly thought about it. On a superficial level, she did like it. She loved the thrill of the fight; the adrenaline coursing through her veins, the joy of victory, the exhilaration of utter dominance. It was what she lived for- moments she truly felt useful. Moments she felt like she was worth something. But below that…

The terror. The nightmares. The acrid taste of the battlefield still vivid on her tongue, the guilt she felt as she ended another life, even after the war moved to outer space and became so impersonal. Jasper had killed so many. It had won her glory, but what else? She was still just a Beta soldier who failed to protect her Diamond or her Imperium. Pink Diamond was dead and the war still raged. She didn’t want this life anymore. Jasper was tired of fighting.

Jasper stared at the ground, the gently pulsing training console, the weapons rack- anywhere but Pearl. Pearl waited patiently for an answer and Jasper was reluctant to say anything. To admit she didn’t want to continue obeying her basest instinct- to continue furthering her Imperium- would be to reveal the most secret part of her. A part she didn’t even want to admit to herself. But she could see Pearl’s face in the corner of her eye, expectant, and she sighed heavily and gave in. She told the truth in a very weary voice. “I don’t have a choice.”

Pearl took another step. Jasper could feel the heat radiating off of her. So close. So very close. Jasper could reach out and touch her with ease; skim her fingers along her cheek and feel the warmth there. But her hand remained at her side. Pearl’s eyes were all she saw. “You do with me.”

And Pearl sounded so very gentle, so very tender that it made Jasper ache with the want to be closer to her. So very soft. Too close; not close enough. A voice like a whisper, too intimate, too kind. “Who do you want to be?”

Jasper wet her lips. What Pearl was suggesting- freedom, self-determination- it was forbidden to even consider. But Pearl made it so easy to be tempted. Jasper knew on some level that it was a ploy, but she wanted to fall for it. So she answered honestly a second time. “I don’t know.”

“It’s okay.” Pearl seemed so earnest; it was easy to believe her. Jasper didn’t want to trust anyone, but Pearl made that hard. “You’ve spent your whole life being told who to be. It’ll take a while to figure out who you want to be.”

Pearl remained there. Close enough to be magnetizing; far enough that it was a constant torment. Jasper wanted to pull her close, to breathe in her scent, to feel loved. Jasper just wanted someone to make her feel loved. Before she could think about it enough to stop it, her hand was moving, and her fingertips grazed Pearl’s arm…

Pearl jerked back sharply, as if awoken from a trance. Jasper’s hand hung in empty air. Pearl’s eyes were fixed upon it and she took another step away. With one touch, Jasper had taken the fragile trust connecting them and snapped it. Pearl couldn’t seem to find words for a long moment until they tumbled out, disjointed. “I’ll be… elsewhere.”

Her retreat from the room was hurried. Jasper just stared at the offending hand, torn. She had acted impulsively and she was paying the price. Pearl had rules she had to respect. Jasper had overstepped her boundaries; she needed to learn to control herself.

Jasper started up the training console in an attempt to clear her mind. It was to no avail. Pearl’s words still lingered in her mind, too tempting regardless of how she tried to drown them out. She couldn’t concentrate. Even when Pearl wasn’t near, she longed for her.  


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you so much for 100 kudos!! I honestly couldn't believe it when I saw how many this has gotten. I'm so, so glad that so many of you like this story, and I hope I can continue to write things that you enjoy!
> 
> I'm sorry that I had to take such a long hiatus. I don't have as much time to write as I used to. This chapter is also the longest chapter of this story yet, so hopefully that's some form of compensation for the long wait. I don't think I'll be able to stick to such a rigid schedule in the future like before, but I'll try to keep updates biweekly if I can't make weekly ones!
> 
> Again, thank you to everyone who has supported this story and given me feedback. I love each and every comment I get and appreciate them so, so much!! I hope you like this chapter as well!

_Week 3 Report to Yellow Diamond_

_Rank: Lieutenant, Designation: Jasper, Identification: B-6xG_

_Mission: the reconditioning of a Rebel Pearl_

_The Pearl is taking well to the reconditioning. She is still resistant, which is to be expected, but her resolve is weakening. With time, I believe she will give in and revert to her natural state. I can already see this beginning to occur._

_Unfortunately, there is still no update on Rose Quartz’ whereabouts, but I discovered who the Pearl is and how she came to join the Rebellion. She was stolen and trafficked. Rose Quartz found her through the black market. She does not have a major role in the Rebellion beyond being a minor assassin; she seems to be little more than Rose Quartz’ companion. Though she is tenacious, her fighting skills are unrefined, and she isn’t a threat to our Imperium. I expect to see better results in her behavior and the intel I gather from her by the time of our meeting next week._

_Thank you again for your generosity in giving me this Pearl and this opportunity to further our Imperium._

_Lieutenant Jasper, B-6xG_

 

Leaning against the hull of a ship, Jasper skimmed over the report again, considering its believability. Ideally, she would ask Pearl for her opinion- after all, they were partners in this crime- but interactions with Pearl had been awkward and tense since she rejected Jasper a week before. Besides, Jasper hadn’t gotten her hands on another communicator yet; outside of the apartment, she had no way of contacting Pearl. Jasper would just have to trust her own instincts.

Guilt sat heavy in her stomach as she edited the report, refusing to leave her no matter how much she tried to rationalize her behavior. She was committing treason for a Pearl she had met a little over three months before. Even if it was a small betrayal, it was a betrayal nonetheless. What Jasper was doing was fundamentally wrong and Jasper knew it.

She sent it anyway.

Because it wasn’t just Pearl’s allure or her sex appeal; it was Pearl as a person. Her words, her ideas, the way she had persuaded Jasper to the point of even considering this. It was how her speech about self-determination stuck around in her head long after it had been said. Pearl had become someone she wanted to protect.

Holly Blue Agate had warned her about the dangers of a Pearl and she had let herself get ensnared all the same.

The report was delivered and Jasper pocketed the communicator, crossing her arms and watching the ever-changing crowd. There was a border dispute in the south- something about the Rebels trying to push into Imperial territory- and Jasper was assigned to a ship as the captain. Her soldiers had yet to arrive.

Jasper scanned the vehicle bay for them before finding something entirely different; a Pearl, trailing behind her owner. The soldiers she passed always passed to watch her go by, sometimes touching the small of her back or turning to make a lewd comment to a friend. One even slipped their hand between her thighs. Jasper’s eyes narrowed. If they ever got her hands on Pearl… She had to get another communicator.

Jasper’s gaze was drawn to the Pearl again as she neared and Jasper examined her closely. She had the same slim physique and elegance as Pearl, but she kept her head down and her eyes on the ground, her face vacant and dull. She didn’t even react when a soldier grabbed her; it was like she wasn’t even aware of what was happening around her. The very picture of servitude. Exactly what the Imperium decreed she should be.

 Jasper felt a twinge of frustration and suddenly realized that she was looking for some kind of individuality. Something that gave away that the Pearl wasn’t just chattel; something that betrayed intelligence. But the Pearl looked as meek and dumb as any other Jasper had seen and Jasper found herself faintly disappointed.

    What that implied made her quickly avert her eyes and look for the soldiers again. She wasn’t sure who she wanted to be right- Pearl, or the Imperium. It was a battle that had become familiar to her; Pearl’s articulate logic against the Imperium’s teachings; Pearl’s promises of freedom against the Imperium’s dependability. The Imperium was safe, secure. But Pearl? Pearl offered so much more than security.

Jasper let her head thunk against the hull of the ship behind her, heaving a sigh. So much conflict. It had been so much easier before she met Pearl; everything was so clear-cut. Now, she was questioning every move she made.

All around her, the Mothership thrived, washing over her senses with what was familiar. She allowed herself to succumb to it. The constant hum of the engine under her feet; the metal walls and floors; the murmur of a thousand people in a thousand castes all obediently obeying their purposes. Small cogs in a bigger machine. Individuality sacrificed for efficiency.

Since when did that make Jasper uncomfortable?

-

“Pearl.”

Pearl stood a careful distance away from Jasper- always cautious, always guarded- but her eyes were bold and unyielding. Jasper could feel the space between them as if it was a physical wall; a chasm impossible to cross. Jasper had tried and failed to bring Pearl closer and now she was farther away than ever.

Jasper had just returned from the mission, exhausted and more than a little irritable. She squinted to see in the low light of the training room. Pearl held a spear at her side and her face was upturned; Jasper’s hands itched to touch. She occupied them by holding something else.

"What do you need?" Pearl's voice was level, yet her gaze darted briefly over Jasper, as if sizing her up. As if Jasper was still a threat.

Something about it made Jasper's brow furrow and her gaze drop to the item in her hand. Something about her previous actions and subsequent rejection filled her with shame; something about objectification and humiliation that were all too familiar to her. It had been a week and its sting still hadn't lessened. She just continued staring at the object, running her thumb over it before holding it out awkwardly. Pearl just stared and she shrugged. "It's for you."

Pearl tilted her head, confused. She peered closely at it and looked up to Jasper questioningly. "A communicator?"

Jasper shrugged again. "It's connected to mine. Just in case there's an emergency. Or something."

Pearl shook her head, making an incredulous sound and holding her hand up. "Jasper, I don't need this. I thought you realized I can take care of myself."

"I know. You've shown that to me. But them?" Jasper jabbed her thumb behind her shoulder, towards the door out of her apartment. The outside world. "They might try messing with you. You know what I mean."

Pearl's disbelief turned to a wry smile, and in an instant the spear spun around and pointed at Jasper's face. She didn't flinch- a result of a century as a soldier- but she tensed, on edge. Pearl always managed to make her feel on edge; a mixture of threatening ideals and a fierce kind of allure that dug its way into her and lingered for days.

"If anyone tries anything with me..." The spear inched closer and Pearl's eyes narrowed, and all of a sudden Jasper saw the warrior in her. "I'll make them change their mind."

Jasper pushed the spear out of her face, uncomfortable. Even if she knew Pearl wouldn't hurt her, decades of beatings made her body feel otherwise. She kept the apprehension out of her voice. "Still. You should have it."

Pearl raised an eyebrow, withdrawing the spear. Jasper ignored the relief that came with it. "It sounds like you're more concerned about my well being than I am."

Jasper looked at the communicator, moving her fingers to minimize the chance of accidentally touching Pearl. She didn't want to push her away even further. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Oh." Now it was Pearl's turn to avert her eyes, staring at the ground. Jasper hadn't intended to be so earnest. The flush of embarrassment pricked at her cheeks, and she pushed the communicator toward Pearl further. Pearl's eyes darted up to it and lingered. "Where did you get this, anyway? The Imperium only issues one communicator per person."

Jasper shrugged again. "A Peridot I work with." Pearl's gaze focused on her face again, suddenly more alert. She continued unbothered. "I asked for it and she got it for me. Maybe the rules are different for..." Jasper trailed off, trying phrase it in a way that wouldn't upset Pearl's Rebellion-tuned sensibilities. "...people in our position."

Pearl was unimpressed. "You mean for Pearls and their owners." Jasper didn't respond and Pearl sighed, but she took the communicator anyway. "Well, thank you, I suppose."

Jasper went to leave, but she hesitated in the doorway. She could feel the chasm between them deepen with each step she took, each awkward move she made. Reconciling the Imperium's idea of Pearls and how Pearl truly was proved difficult. Jasper was stumbling at each turn.

Pearl spoke behind her. "Is there something else?"

There was something else. Something lodged in her throat, welling up in her mind, making its way out of her. Something foreign. She faced Pearl again and met her gaze, acting on impulse. "I'm sorry about touching you. I wasn't thinking. It won't happen again."

A genuine apology, pulled from whatever place of tenderness Pearl managed to coax out of her. A liability that Jasper should have rid herself of ages ago. Pearl looked almost as shocked as Jasper felt, dumbfounded. Obviously, she hadn’t expected this; Jasper hadn’t either. Humility wasn’t something she thought she had.

Pearl looked to the ground, her hands tightening around her spear, and Jasper could keenly feel she wasn’t wanted. With a stiff, forced nod, she left for real, retreating to her room and collapsing onto her bed. She was exhausted from more than just the mission. Familiar shame and self-loathing gnawed at her, and she buried her face into the mattress. _An apology._

Jasper truly did had a soft spot for Pearl.

What a sweet form of weakness.

-

 

Pearl wasn’t so distant after that. Slowly, she hung around a little more, stayed a little longer, acted a little more amiable. The more Jasper restrained herself the more comfortable Pearl seemed to become. Jasper felt like she was being forgiven.

It wasn’t quite the same as before, though. Jasper could still sense Pearl’s caution in the distance between them, in the way Pearl made certain not to invite a situation like before to occur again. But she wasn’t aloof- it was a start. Jasper would take whatever she could get. If that meant Pearl simply existing alongside her, that would be enough. It was better than nothing.

Jasper didn’t see much of her, anyway; for being in charge of reconditioning someone, Yellow Diamond certainly had a lot of missions to send her on. The day of their meeting was fast approaching and Jasper could only hope Pearl would play along, for the both of their sakes. She really, really didn’t want to see Pearl get hurt again.

Shortly after her last mission, she got assigned another mission- guarding the remaining ships from a reconnaissance trip gone sour- and she was preparing for it, squinting into the bathroom mirror and trying to apply eyeliner. For once, she wouldn’t be around Peridot, and she wanted to look intimidating enough that the other soldiers wouldn’t question her. She didn’t notice Pearl watching until she spoke.

“What are you doing?”

Jasper jumped, ruining the eye she was working on. She cursed under her breath and looked up in the mirror to see Pearl leaning against the doorway, observing her with a slightly amused expression. Jasper reached for the makeup remover. “Getting ready for a mission.”

Pearl gave her a once-over and raised an eyebrow. “You’re not leaving with your hair like that, are you?”

Jasper shrugged and began to redo her eyeliner much more carefully. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’ll get in the way. You know that.” Jasper didn’t respond and Pearl continued, her brow slightly furrowed in confusion. “Why don’t you just braid it?”

Jasper was beginning to become more than a little uncomfortable. She wanted Pearl to talk to her, but not about this; she told half the truth. “I like it this way.”

“But it’s so-” Pearl cut herself off, realization dawning on her. Her expression softened and Jasper’s stomach turned; she hated being the object of pity. “You don’t know how, do you?”

Pearl was too observant and too understanding. Jasper felt watched; she didn’t want Pearl to see her weakness, her inadequacy. Braiding hair for war was a bonding ritual among soldiers that Jasper had never been a part of. Without a pack, a batch, she was alone. No one wanted to associate themselves with a Beta defective. Jasper didn’t blame them. Her voice was quiet and bitter when she finally spoke. “It’s not like I had anyone to teach me.”

Pearl averted her eyes, staring at the ground as guilt flickered across her face. Her hand reached up to toy with the bottom of her shirt only to find the unyielding fabric of her leotard; it curled into a fist instead and dropped to her side. She stared at it, seeming to debate something with herself. When she spoke again, it was almost inaudible. “I could braid for you, if you want.”

Jasper paused, turning to face Pearl for the first time. Of all things Jasper expected her to say, this wasn’t one of them. “What?”

Pearl put her hand up, backtracking. “Unless it’s not something you’re okay with. I would completely understand not wanting me to touch you, it’s-”

“No. That’s… That’s not it.” Pearl stopped, looking at Jasper with her mouth still slightly ajar. Jasper ran her hand through her hair awkwardly, trying to find a way to phrase what she wanted to say. Unsuccessful, she sighed and just said the truth.  “I thought you wouldn’t want to touch me. After what you said before.”

“Oh!” Pearl's countenance changed completely and she laughed, catching Jasper just as off guard as the first time. It was such a pleasant sound. “Oh, I didn’t say anything about touching _you_.”

“Oh.” The way she said it made the air a little harder to breathe. Jasper could have sworn her tone was slightly… suggestive. Whatever it was, it was suddenly hard to respond, and Jasper simply stared for a moment before swallowing hard and nodding. “You can do what you want.”

Pearl grinned. “Excellent! I do have a lot of experience with thick hair like yours, you know. I won’t mess it up or anything.” She looked around the room briefly. “Do you have a brush?”

Jasper handed it to her and she got to work, detangling Jasper’s hair as she finished up her eyeliner. Without any distractions beside her own pounding heart, Jasper finished quickly and just stood, unsure if she wanted to run away or get closer. She could feel the distance between them, almost as close as they had been the last time. Jasper tried to ignore it.

Pearl hummed under her breath as she brushed through Jasper’s copious mane. It felt much nicer than she expected; she closed her eyes and relaxed into it, letting her mind wander and trying to think of anything but Pearl. Steadily, her thoughts went back to her past, and she remembered…

 

_The barracks on the first planet she was stationed at were always filled with a sharp, acrid taste, no matter how much they turned up the air filters. It came from the ammonia-filled atmosphere of the planet; Jasper would be dead in minutes if she tried to breathe it. It was a harrowing thought._

_The planet hadn’t even been properly named. It was situated on the fringe of the Imperium and referred to as GHL 8924, which was far too long for any of the soldiers to remember. There were two distant suns and six moons; Jasper had counted through the radiation-proofed glass during an especially boring few hours. The days were cold and the nights were colder, long and dark and seemingly endless. The perpetual wind howled outside their base. It was a fitting location for what was inevitably Jasper’s death sentence._

_The Rebels had captured GHL 8924 a while back, taking over the underground mines and holding out against a six year siege. Jasper had arrived as soon as she turned eighteen- thus becoming a true soldier- and she had been greeted by empty days in her barracks and veterans who kept their distance. She didn’t care, at first- for the four years after her kindergarten was attacked, the only other person she knew was Holly Blue, and she wasn’t eager to find if these people were quick to whipping, too- and she was desperate to get her revenge. Biding her time watching the thick clouds swirl above her was torture. She did it nonetheless, waiting for her chance to finally get Rebel blood on her hands._

_It wasn’t until they had to go out to fight that Jasper realized how envious she was of their companionship. The quiet dread before battle had filled the air, and the other soldiers braided each other’s hair and double-checked their spacesuits, preparing themselves as much as they could. Watching them from her secluded corner intrigued Jasper and embittered her all at once. She was curious about the quiet intimacy of their activities and resentful of being ostracized; a strange mix that just made her more frustrated. She wanted to join them, to truly connect with someone. She hadn’t had that since she was separated from her Kindergarten._

_It turned out to be a false alarm- the relief the others felt was something Jasper wouldn’t truly understand until she faced combat herself. But what had awoken in her wouldn’t return to dormancy. She was acutely aware that they had something she didn’t; something she desperately wanted. Something she was ready to do anything to obtain._

 

Pearl’s voice brought her back to the present with a start. “Actually, if you’re done with that, do you think you could sit down? I can’t quite reach it all. You’re very big.”

Jasper realized she was still holding the eyeliner and set it down, heading to the dining room and pulling out a chair. “Sure.”

Pearl brushed through it a final time before beginning to braid it. Just like everything else she did, it was careful and precise, done with a great amount of care. “What a pretty color.” She sounded almost as if she was talking to herself. Jasper could hear the smile in her voice. “Like starlight.”

Jasper wasn’t sure how to respond to compliments. It was rare she got them at all, and usually, it was about her physique; never something so innocent. So… Kind. She stared at the floor and remained silent.

Neither of them spoke for a while. Jasper had a lot of hair and it would be an endeavor to braid- they would have a lot of time together like this. Jasper didn’t know if that made her uncomfortable or happy or an odd mixture of both.

Either way, in the quiet, Jasper’s thoughts lingered on the early days of the war, hopping from planet to desolate planet and fighting her way through the Rebel forces that just seemed to increase by the day. Jasper inched up in the ranks, but the soldiers she fought with hated her more with each battle. Her, a Beta disgrace, being so powerful, so skilled? It was hard for them to stomach. Jasper remained alone.

But she wasn’t alone now, not completely. The gentle tug-and-pull of Pearl’s hands in her hair were a constant reminder of that. Pearl, who had confided in her before; whose past was just as full of pain as Jasper’s. Pearl would understand. She would listen. With that, Jasper began to speak, low and rough, and she let herself be vulnerable for the first time. “Do you know about planet GHL 8924?”

“Of course. Your soldiers called it the Death Trap, didn’t they? It’s still a stronghold of the Rebellion and an embarrassment to the Imperium. They tried for years to win it back with huge casualties until they finally retreated.” Pearl paused. “Why do you ask?”

Jasper hesitated, unsure if she wanted to continue. She had never told anyone about her past- she had never been close enough to anyone to- but something about Pearl made her want to. So, stupidly, she continued. “It was the first planet I was stationed on after I’d come of age. After Beta was attacked, I was given an Agate overseer and trained to fight. As soon as I was old enough, they sent me to the front lines.”

“But you were so young.” There was real sorrow in Pearl’s voice; it made Jasper uncomfortable more than anything. “You couldn’t have been ready for that.”

Jasper shrugged. It was how it was in the Imperium- as soon as you were old enough to fill your role, it was what you did until you died. Jasper was just lucky she had survived all this time. “The war was going badly. The Imperium was desperate for soldiers. They did what they had to do.”

“That doesn’t mean it was right.”

 _Morality is useless during war_ , Jasper wanted to say, but she held her tongue. That wouldn’t go over well with a Rebel.

But she wasn’t thinking about the present, not completely. Her mind lingered on the barracks of GHL 8924 with a harsh mixture of regret and self-loathing. The objectification, the sexualization from the others, and the way she tried to use it to her advantage… Her face twisted into a grimace. Her memories still lingered at the edge of her mind, barely faded in the hundred years that passed, and she talked without really realizing it. “The first barrack I was in was full of tightly-knit vets who knew their way around war; to them, I was just an angry kid. My kindergarten made it worse. They were hundreds of years older than me and I had no place in their pack, no matter how much I tried to prove myself. No matter what way I tried to prove myself.” Jasper left it at that. She didn’t want to delve any deeper into that part of her life. “They never saw me as an equal.”

Jasper looked down at her right arm, pale to the elbow where it met the brown of the majority of her skin. The patch on her left bicep, the strip across her eyes; all over her body, she bore the marks of a Beta soldier. Damning evidence that she would never be worth something. Her hand curled into a fist. “It didn’t matter for long. Eventually, we were sent on a raid. It was a suicide mission and the Imperium knew it. The battle was over in seconds.”

She could still visualize clearly; the wreckage, the explosions, the bodies… Some of them still survived after their rovers were destroyed. Jasper could see them as hers retreated, slowly suffocating as they struggled to breathe ammonia. She could hear them over the intercom; strangled gasps that haunted her dreams for weeks afterward. She could do nothing but watch until the mines were out of sight and they resurfaced, shaken. So much death.

“Me and the two others in my rover were the only ones who survived. We were in the rear of the ambush and didn’t get the brunt of the attack. There were four hundred soldiers in my battalion and only three of us survived.” She squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to remember it so vividly. It hurt just as much as it did when it happened. Pearl continued to braid her hair as Jasper found solace in the feeling; it was soft enough to help subdue the pain of her past. “That happened every battle. We would get new troops shipped in and they would die all the same. I was almost always the only one who made it through alive. The longer the war went on for, the more I was considered a veteran instead of a fledgling, and I soon realized it was better to not get attached at all.”

How quickly it became that surviving a week, a month, a year was something extraordinary. Jasper escaped GHL 8924 after the third failed ambush, deemed too strong to be sent to die with the rest of them. She was sent to the planet where the main war raged, given a troop who was much kinder and air that didn’t hurt to breathe. She didn’t try to befriend anyone this time; the easy camaraderie the other soldiers shared wasn’t something she could summon. Such casual friendship was completely foreign to her. Being a soldier was all she knew, and being a human was a secondary skill she had never been taught and neglected to nurture.

But above all, Jasper was afraid of getting close to anyone.

She sighed, and suddenly, she didn’t want to talk about her past anymore. It was too hard to remember. “And that’s how it’s been ever since.”

It truly was; nothing had really changed. Jasper was still desperate for companionship and she still didn’t know how to get it. She had repressed her loneliness for a century, but Pearl had managed to make it resurface with nothing more than a few soft words in a dark cell. Jasper hadn’t allowed herself to get close to anyone emotionally for as long as she had been in this war. Now, Pearl made her desire to more than anything.

As the silence stretched on, Jasper became more and more aware of just how much she had spoken. Immediately, she regretted saying anything at all; why would Pearl want to hear her sob story? Why would anybody? The war was hard on everyone, and Jasper wasn’t special for seeing people die. Now, Pearl would know just how pathetic she really was and Jasper had squandered any chance of getting close to her. _Typical_.

But then Pearl spoke, and she didn’t sound disdainful. She didn’t mock Jasper. She just spoke softly, sympathetically. “Thank you for telling me that, Jasper. It must have been hard. You’ve never been taken seriously, have you? As a Beta soldier.”

Jasper was going to shake her head, but she realized that might interfere with Pearl’s work and remained still. “No.”

Another beat of quiet that felt like an eternity. Then, Pearl spoke again, solemn. “You’re ashamed of it, aren’t you? Where you come from.”

The truth of the words cut into Jasper, despite the lack of cruelty in Pearl’s voice. Jasper knew she wasn’t trying to insult her. She knew that, and yet, she responded as angrily as if she had. “I’m not ashamed of anything. I survived Beta and GHL and this whole damn war because I was strong enough to. Why would I ashamed of that?”

Her defensiveness gave her away. Pearl continued, unoffended by the challenge in Jasper’s tone. “Because you don’t see any of those things as good enough, do you? Because they’re not perfect.” She became even quieter. “Because _you’re_ not perfect.”

“I-”

“But that doesn’t mean you’re worthless! It means you’re human.” Jasper paused, surprised into silence by how impassioned she was. When Pearl spoke again, it was almost inaudible. “And if you’re human, you can change.”

It was always so tempting. To give in; to flee the life and role she had been forced into. To abandon her identity altogether. To forget about the war and the Rebellion and everything that had consumed her life ever since she had first emerged from an incubator. To just let everything go.

Tempting, but impossible.

“I can’t, Pearl. I’ve seen too much.” Battalion after battalion slaughtered- people whom, no matter how hard she tried to resist, she’d grown attached to- her kindergarten, her sisters. The scene that was forever burned into her mind; her Diamond, thrown to the ground, blood seeping from her abdomen and dead, unseeing eyes. The cheers of the Rebellion around her, barely louder than the blood rushing in Jasper’s ears. “I can’t forgive the Rebellion for what they’ve done.”

Pearl was slow to respond. “The Rebellion has done terrible things; things I wish I could go back and change. But the Imperium can’t continue like this. They’ve hurt us all. They’ve hurt you, Jasper.” Jasper just stared at the ground, silent. Pearl continued. “I don’t want you to be a Rebel. I just want you to be free.”

Free. Jasper didn’t know what to say in response to that. Freedom was a far-distant dream Jasper wouldn’t allow herself to entertain. She was a servant to the Imperium and a servant to her past, and they dictated her future with absolute authority. No matter where she went, the war would follow, whether it was in her dreams or in the waking world. She could never escape what she had lived through. She could never escape her caste.

And even if she could be free, where would she go? In the Galaxy, there was either Rebel-owned space or the Imperium. In a way, she envied Pearl; she had lived before this war. A quiet life on a distant colony was unthinkable to her. And to start a war, to give that up? Pearl must have really believed in what she said. That, or she really loved Rose Quartz.

At that, Jasper felt a twinge of jealousy. Pearl had known Rose Quartz for longer than Jasper had been alive; of course Pearl would reject her. It was stupid of her to think otherwise. Jasper never could have competed in the first place. She never had a chance.

But if Rose Quartz really cared about Pearl, wouldn’t she have tried to get her back by now? And why would she send her on such a doomed mission? Assassinating a low-ranking General wasn’t worth one of the Rebellion’s most important members, and besides, it was bound to fail. It didn’t make sense, even strategically.

The more she thought about it, the stranger it seemed. At first, Jasper wasn’t going to say anything, but it gnawed at her until she had to. She tried to keep an accusatory tone out of her voice. It crept in nonetheless. “Why did Rose Quartz send you on such a stupid mission?”

Pearl’s hands stuttered to a halt in Jasper’s hair. “What?”

“Assassinating that General. You were bound to be caught. Why would she risk losing you like that?” _And why hasn’t she tried to get you back?_

Pearl was completely off guard. She seemed to struggle with her words, starting to speak and then cutting herself off before she was able to formulate a response. “It wasn’t Rose Quartz’ decision. It was my own.”

Pearl didn’t seem to be eager to say anything more, but Jasper wasn’t satisfied by that answer. “Why would you go on such a stupid mission, then?”

Pearl was quiet for a long moment. The only sound was the muted hum of the engine far beneath them. Then, finally, a long sigh. “Desperation.” Jasper waited for her to say more. Eventually, she did. “I’m not an assassin, Jasper. I haven’t been an assassin in seventy years. But… That General saw something important to the Rebellion, and I couldn’t risk anyone else finding out.” She shook her head. “You’re right. It was stupid, and now I’m paying the price.”

Something that important to the Rebellion; something Pearl would risk her life for… “She saw Rose Quartz, didn’t she.”

Pearl’s voice trembled. “Yes.”

No one had seen Rose Quartz in two decades. That was a lot; even for Jasper. If she was still out there, and if Jasper had even a chance at getting her revenge… “So you know where Rose Quartz is? She’s still with the Rebellion?”

Pearl sounded close to tears. She shook her head again. "No. Not now. None of us know. She... went somewhere I couldn’t follow her."

"But..." Jasper's voice softened and lost its edge. Suddenly, her interrogation was much less important. "Why wouldn't she take you? I thought she loved you."

"She did. For a while. I'd like to think so, at least." Her voice cracked, and Jasper immediately felt awful for pushing her this far. "In the end, she chose someone else. And then she left me."

Jasper knew what that was like all too well. It wasn't the same, but losing Pink Diamond felt like being abandoned herself. That kind of devastation, that anger… Even if Rose Quartz was terrible, Jasper couldn't help sympathizing. "I'm sorry."

Jasper felt Pearl’s hands twist in her hair. “I had built my identity around Rose for so long. I was her knight, her tactician, her confidante. Her lover.” Her voice became even quieter and Jasper had to strain to hear her. “Now that she’s gone, I don’t know who I’m supposed to be.”

Ever since Jasper had met Pearl, she had seemed so confident in her individuality, so self-assured in her identity. Her belief in herself had seemed infallible. Jasper had never expected this side of her- this kind of vulnerability- but what she was saying made her far more human than any of the Rebellion’s rhetoric had.

After all, didn't Jasper know exactly how she felt? Pink Diamond was still the Diamond she loved and served, even a century after her demise. She was made for her; she lived to serve her and no one else. Without that, who was she? A Beta defective? A relic of a war so changed it was unrecognizable? She was a soldier, but for whom? Why was she fighting if who she wanted to protect was already dead?  
Jasper didn't know the answer to Pearl's question; she was in the same place herself. Instead, she repeated what Pearl had told her before: "Who do you want to be?"

“Someone…” Pearl hesitated, and then the words rushed out with such venom that Jasper was shocked. “Someone who isn’t petty and weak and manipulative and dull, and-” She cut herself off with a sharp breath. “Someone better than who I am now.”

Jasper didn’t know how to respond. This was the exact opposite of how she thought Pearl saw herself, but Jasper couldn’t say she didn’t understand. It was easier to fake arrogance than to admit how much she despised herself. So she just told the truth, knowing how pitiful and unhelpful it would be. Knowing how stupid it was to be earnest at all. “I don’t think you’re any of those things.”

The hard edge didn’t leave her voice. Instead, it was joined by something that almost sounded like guilt. The hands in Jasper’s hair tightened. “You give me too much credit.”

That wasn't it. That wasn’t it at all. Jasper had seen Pearl’s worth first hand; her strength, her intelligence, her kindness. She treated Jasper like a person and not a defect. That alone meant more than Jasper could put into words.  “I don't think you give yourself enough.”

Pearl didn’t respond. It was silent after that, stretching on, neither of them willing to break it. Too much had been said. Jasper resigned to her own thoughts and Pearl remained quiet until she finished, stepping back and letting the braid fall against Jasper’s back.

“I’m done,” She said simply, her tone neutral. No trace of her earlier self-directed vitriol. Jasper didn’t know if it relieved or concerned her.

Nevertheless, she pulled the braid forward and ran her hand over it. It fell to her hip, neat and pleasingly symmetrical. Jasper felt herself begin to grin.

“Back at home, I used to braid in flowers as well.” Steadily, Pearl sounded more upbeat. It was a welcome change. “I forgot how… inorganic the Imperium was.”

Jasper rushed over to the mirror, marveling at how free she felt with her hair restrained. Without it, the sharp planes of her face were brought out- her cheekbones, her square jaw- and she looked much more fearsome. Not quite the wild, ferocious kind of intimidation she was used to; tamed and controlled, it was more refined, sharper. Her smile widened.

But it wasn’t just her appearance- it went beyond that. Pearl knew what braiding hair meant among soldiers- companionship. It meant that Jasper had a place to belong. Physical evidence that someone cared about her enough to put in the time and energy to braid her unruly hair. It was the kindest thing someone had ever done to her.

Pearl came up behind her, looking at her expectantly, and she tried to speak through a throat choked with emotion. “Pearl, it’s… it’s wonderful.” Jasper wanted to thank her, but she didn’t think that would be enough to encompass how grateful she was. Regardless of how Pearl felt, she had given Jasper something she never had before; a feeling of belonging. Two simple words couldn’t suffice for the gratitude she felt. “I don’t know what to say.”

Pearl’s demeanor shifted and she smiled, just a little. “You don’t have to say anything. It was my pleasure.”

“I…It means a lot.” Jasper struggled for a few more seconds before giving up. She was never good at expressing herself. “Thank you.”

Pearl nodded, and Jasper really looked at her. It had almost been a month since Jasper obtained her- for lack of a better phrase- and she bore no signs of what she went through before. That kind of trauma… She stood as strong as ever, but it couldn’t be genuine. Pearl couldn’t survive something like that without any scars, even if the physical ones had been removed. “Are you… really okay?”

Pearl tilted her head quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“You were tortured for two weeks. It hasn’t even been a month since it happened, and it took me years to recover from…” Jasper trailed off and tried to start again. “You can’t be okay after something like that.”

In an instant, Pearl’s tiny smile was gone. Her gaze dropped to the ground and stayed there, and Jasper immediately regretted bringing this up. It uncovered what Pearl seemed to want to keep hidden. When Pearl finally spoke, her voice was trembling. “I’ve dealt with things like that my whole life. I’ve always been resilient, but…” Her hands balled into fists and Jasper noticed they were shaking. “That was hard. That kind of immense pain. It’s… not something I’ll forget for a long time. I just… try to distract myself.”

Jasper wanted to comfort her. She wanted to pull her close so badly it was a physical ache. Pearl didn’t deserve this. Pearl deserved so much better than this.

And it was for that reason Jasper remained still, her arms firmly at her sides. If Pearl didn’t want to be touched, Jasper would have to respect that. She didn’t want to make Pearl feel any more powerless.

So, instead, she kept her eyes carefully on the ground and simply spoke, keeping the distance between them. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Jasper…” Pearl took a deep breath and looked up. Her smile returned, a little sad. “Jasper, you’re already helping.”

Jasper met her gaze, filled with something bittersweet she couldn’t identify. Something that choked out any words she could have said and left her with a furrowed brow and open mouth, silent. She swallowed hard and nodded once, unable to do anything else. Wishing she could do more.

Her communicator buzzed suddenly, cutting in, and suddenly the moment was over. Pearl averted her gaze again and Jasper hastily retrieved it, reading the message; she had five minutes to report to the vehicle bay. She cleared her throat and forced something out. “I have to go. I’m going to be late.”

Pearl faltered. She almost looked… Nervous. “When will you be back?”

“Tomorrow night.” And then, in an attempt to comfort her, Jasper tapped on her communicator. “If you need anything…”

“Right.”

Jasper scuffed her foot on the ground, not wanting to leave. Here, with Pearl, she felt like she wasn’t a pariah. Like she wasn’t worthless. But then her communicator buzzed another sharp warning and Pearl waved her along. “Go on. Don’t be any more late than you already are.”

Jasper sighed. Pearl was right. With that, she left, entirely unwilling. She hesitated at the door. Right before she opened it, she heard two tiny, sincere words behind her.

“Be careful.”

-

Jasper lay in bed, staring the ceiling, unable to sleep. She could hear the snoring of another crew member across the hall and the loud thrum of the engine as they made their return, not making things any easier. It had been hours and her thoughts were keeping her awake.

Her life had always been familiar to her in one way or another. The Mothership was familiar, the war was familiar; even the tight bindings of her caste were something she found comfort in. On some level, she always knew what to expect, and that felt safe.

But was it worth it? Was such a suffocating, restrictive system worth the order it created? Jasper couldn’t answer. She didn’t know what a different kind of life would be like, and the only realistic alternative held little appeal to her.

After all, she had always despised the Rebellion. After the massacre at Beta, they were so easy to hate; they were so easy to blame as the root of all her problems. Through the war, hearing nothing but their flaws, they were easy to kill, distant and dehumanized. Jasper never had a problem with it.

But now, the Rebellion had a face: Pearl. And Jasper didn’t feel anything close to hate for Pearl, not even disdain. Her hatred for the Rebellion didn’t come as easily anymore. Pearl was special. Not just as a Pearl, but as a person. Pearl brought out a side in her she didn’t even know still remained. For a century, Jasper had only known ruthlessness. With Pearl, she was almost… kind.

Jasper sighed, throwing her arm over her eyes. She was going soft and Pearl was her weakness. Pearl was turning her into a shadow of the cruel, efficient, perfect soldier she had once been.

But she had never been perfect. And being weak could be so very nice. Her fingers traced along every dip and bump in the braid, still in hours later. So very rewarding.

And Pearl… Pearl told her the truth. When no one else would, Pearl told her the truth. Jasper didn’t know how to feel about that. Pearl had always treated her like a person, despite her origins, despite her caste. After her experiences with soldiers in the war, Pearl would be entirely justified in hating her. But she was never malicious.

When Jasper finally drifted off, Pearl was the last thing she thought of. Through the rest of the mission, too, what she had said hung in the back of her mind, persistent. In the free time she got, it was what she considered; the veracity of Pearl’s claims, the truth behind it. If Pearl was someone she could risk being so close to. Pearl was a Rebel- Jasper was sure that would never change- but she was a person, too. And that person was someone Jasper had grown to appreciate a little too much.

So as soon as they boarded, Jasper was off, eager to get back. Not only because of her appointment with Yellow Diamond the next day, but who was waiting for her. By the time she found Pearl idle in the training room, she had rehearsed what she was going to say hundreds of times, more than just a little nervous. She wanted to be prepared. Now that Pearl was in front of her, the words were stuck in her throat.

Pearl turned to her and smiled; it seemed warmer than before. “Hello, Jasper.”

Jasper averted her eyes, her nervousness spiking. She knew if she didn’t say this now, it would be forever buried; she would never admit this to herself again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Pearl. There’s… something I want to tell you.”

Pearl picked up on her apprehension, but she just looked curious more than anything. She set her spear aside. “Well, go ahead.”

Since the night before, Jasper had imagined this scenario in a hundred different ways. It wasn’t like her to be so anxious, but this was different; this bordered on treason. Now that it was time to say it, it rushed out, much less meticulous than Jasper had planned. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. About all of it. About your individuality, about mine, about this whole system. About the other Pearls in that Kindergarten onboard. You said you can’t help them, but I don’t think that’s true.” Pearl tilted her head and Jasper continued, holding her gaze, as earnest as she could be. “You say you’re not special, but you are to the Imperium, and you are to all of us. Especially those other Pearls. You’re an individual. You’re a person. They’ve never seen a Pearl demand respect and act like she’s an equal. So…” And then her confidence ran out, and she dropped her gaze, suddenly realizing just how much she had said. She finished quietly. “I think you give them hope.”

Pearl just stared for a very, very long moment. Jasper could feel it stretching between them, her trepidation building with every second that passed. They felt like eternities. Finally, Pearl spoke, each word very slow, almost as if she couldn’t believe what she was saying. “Jasper. You haven’t tried to touch me in two weeks.”

Of all the things Jasper had imagined, this wasn’t one of them. She was completely off guard. “Yes.”

And Pearl looked at her curiously, an inscrutable emotion flitting across her face. “You’ve changed since I met you.” Jasper nodded and her brow furrowed. “Why?”

Jasper hesitated. She had already revealed so much- too much- and she didn’t want to go too far. She was tiptoeing along the line of no return; once she admitted this, there was no going back. But Pearl was waiting for an answer, and Jasper couldn’t lie to her. She stared at the ground and let herself be earnest. “You’ve shown me… a different perspective. Something I never would have seen on my own. You told me the truth even when my Diamonds didn’t and…” This was it. Treason; an unforgivable trespass against the Imperium and the Diamonds. Jasper said it nonetheless. “You’ve shown me that your genes don’t define you.”

Pearl took a step closer, and for the first time, Jasper thought she looked hopeful. "They don't define you either, Jasper. This Imperium doesn't decide your identity. You do."

Jasper didn't know if she could agree; she was too far gone. She had seen too much. She was going to object, but Pearl wasn't finished.

"If your only function was to be a soldier... you wouldn't have helped me. You wouldn't have listened to me." Her voice softened. "You wouldn't be so lonely."

Jasper refused to look up, even when Pearl stepped closer than ever before. Jasper could sense it, almost as if they were really touching; a sweet torment. It was all she could feel. She closed her eyes, curling her hands into fists to resist the urge building in her, overpowering. _Pearl didn't want to be touched. Pearl didn't want to be touched._

Then, a whisper. "Jasper."

Jasper took a shaky breath at the way her voice sounded- so full of promise, so intimate- and slowly opened her eyes. Pearl was so close that it made it hard to speak, her words choked out by the warmth, the temptation. Pearl gazed back at her evenly, her words barely more than a breath. "Do you want me to touch you?"

 _Yes_. Her answer was resoundingly, absolutely yes, but her vulnerability and doubt got the better of her and she furrowed her brow. She was unworthy, she was supposed to give, she was supposed to dominate, she... "You... want to touch me?"

Pearl didn't look away. "Yes."

This was something Jasper had never considered. Pearl, touching her? Pearl was in a league of her own, stronger and wiser and altogether better than Jasper. Pearl was above her; for her to offer this was confusing and unexpected and...

So, so appealing. And besides, Pearl had beaten Jasper while sparring- according to the old customs, this was completely just. Jasper swallowed hard before she was able to speak, breathing the words. "Please touch me, Pearl."

It was probably the first time Jasper had ever said "please" in her life. She had been too proud to beg in the past, but Pearl always found her way in and pried out parts of her she didn't know existed. And she truly did want this, so very much...

Pearl didn't move. Jasper was about to break under the pressure of subduing her desire, with Pearl so close and the urge to touch her so strong. She had little self-control and what was left of it was quickly eroding away. But then Pearl spoke again, and Jasper's breath caught.

"Will you kneel for me, Jasper?"

Jasper had knelt for two reasons before: when she was in the presence of a Diamond or when she was in the presence of someone with a whip. Respect driven by fear, powered by her sense of worthlessness the Imperium nurtured so well. But Pearl had none of these qualities, and yet...

Jasper obeyed, sinking to her knees before her and bowing her head. Jasper the Lieutenant, kneeling, subservient before her collared Pearl. A sign of respect and a sign of submission all at once.

"Good girl," Pearl murmured, and Jasper's doubts were suddenly erased. Those two words... "I'm going to be right back. Don't move."

Jasper remained, her heart pounding as her anticipation grew. Pearl was true to her word; moments after she left she returned, coming to a stop behind Jasper. Jasper didn't turn to look. Obedience willingly given.

"I'm going to tie your hands behind your back with one of your restraints. Is that okay?"

A final barrier between them, not yet broken. Pearl was wary Jasper would still try to touch her. But Jasper was wary of being bound, of total submission, of being completely powerless. What she was suggesting sounded terrifying, but Jasper could recognize the reasoning behind it. Jasper wasn't even sure if she could control herself. So, ever so slowly, she brought her wrists behind her back and proffered them to Pearl. Wordless. Her heart was in her throat now, pounding anxiously as she waited for Pearl to move.

And then, she felt Pearl's slender fingers grasp her wrist and the touch shot up her arm like lighting, burning in such a wonderful way. The restraints clicked into place and she heard Pearl stand again. "Is that okay?"

Jasper felt... barely any different. Kneeling and bound, she felt just the same as when she stood tall above Pearl. Vulnerable and uncertain, but just the same. "Not as bad as I thought it would be."

Pearl came around to face Jasper again. She was smiling. "You're doing well."

Pearl crouched down so she was eye-level with Jasper and ever-so-slowly her hand reached up and brushed against Jasper's cheek and-

A hundred memories from a hundred years sparked to life- Holly Blue's whip, Lapis' cold fingers, her General's hard slap, Bismuth's sword, the countless uncaring partners of her past- and she flinched away without thinking, seized with terror. Her eyes flew open when she had realized what she had done and she frantically tried to salvage it. "I'm sorry, I-"

Pearl's brow furrowed, but she wasn't angry. She didn't strike Jasper. She looked... sad. "Shh. Don't apologize. I understand."

Pearl's hand hovered where her face had been, a silent question. Jasper steeled herself and looked back to Pearl, open and kind; Pearl, who would never hit her, who would never hurt her... She took a deep breath and leaned into her touch.

And, oh, Pearl's touch felt like fire as she caressed Jasper's cheek, feather-light and so very gentle. Her fingers traced the scar on her cheekbone and her hand was joined by a second, exploring every plane of Jasper's face. Jasper was hyperaware of every place they touched.

"You're so lovely," Pearl breathed. "Every part of you. Your jawline, your eyebrows..." She named every part her fingers landed on, moving with such slow, careful appreciation. Jasper was captivated by the feeling. "Your lips..."

Both of her thumbs came to rest on them, one slightly tracing her cupid's bow, and Jasper was consumed by the urge to kiss them. But Pearl moved on too quickly, running her hands through Jasper's hair with a warm smile. "Your hair was the first thing I noticed about you. Unbound and everywhere. So very white. Pretty like the rest of you."

Something about the way Pearl spoke- maybe it was her low, hushed tone, or maybe it was the complete lack of praise in Jasper's life- something about it lit a fire in her that was slowly moving lower, warm and liquid. She could feel it in her chest, in her stomach, pooling between her thighs. She closed her eyes again and just listened to Pearl's voice, just felt the brush of her fingers.

"If anything I do makes you uncomfortable, tell me to stop." Pearl's voice was in her ear- she shuddered at the feeling- and her hands left her hair, coming to rest on her shoulders. They stalled there and Jasper realized Pearl was waiting for a response.

Jasper just wanted to confirm she heard- she really, really didn't want Pearl to stop touching her- but a combination of curiosity and nervousness got the better of her and she found the word making it's way out of her throat already. "Stop."

And Pearl was gone. Jasper opened her eyes to find her leaning back, looking at Jasper with a mix of worry and expectancy. Jasper averted her gaze, suddenly awkward. Such concern for her comfort had never happened before. "I didn't think you really would."

"Of course." Pearl moved forward again and then hesitated, drawing her hand back. "May I continue?"

Jasper nodded and Pearl carefully returned, becoming more confident as her hands rounded her shoulders and traveled down her well-muscled arms. She squeezed them appreciatively. "My, aren't you strong. I've seen a lot of soldiers, but you... you're exquisite."

Every compliment was so genuine and so undeniably arousing; Jasper had never experienced anything like it before. With the other soldiers, it was always aggressive and rough, always about dominance and proving your strength. It was what Jasper expected; it was all she had known. And while it certainly held quite a bit of appeal, this...

This was wonderful. So attentive; so kind; so intimately erotic. Pearl seemed to be savoring every part of her. Her gentle fingertips found their way back up to Jasper's shoulders and they slid under the straps of her uniform, a wordless question. Pearl looked up to Jasper, uncertain. Jasper nodded again. "Go ahead."

Pearl inched down the top of her uniform like she was carefully unwrapping a gift, ever so slowly, drinking in every bit of exposed skin. Jasper could feel the heat of her gaze everywhere she looked. After some effort, Pearl worked the uniform past her chest and down to her hips, and her breasts spilled out without the support.

Pearl gasped softly and her hands stalled on Jasper's hips, a deep blush spreading across her face and her mouth slightly ajar. For a long moment, she didn't say anything, taking in the sight before her. The words that finally came out were breathy whispers. " _Oh my_."

Jasper puffed up her chest, a proud grin on her face. Pearl just continued to stare. The want, the _desire_ in her eyes stoked the flame inside Jasper, hot between her thighs. It burned hotter as Pearl's hands slid back up with a slow reverence, caressing her sides and coming up to cup her breasts, prominent and full beneath her small hands. Jasper sighed at the feeling, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back. Pearl's thumb skimmed over her nipple and her breath caught in her throat. 

"Oh, Jasper. You're... something else." 

Pearl's thumbs continued to circle her nipples and suddenly Jasper felt lips pressing against her neck and she made a tiny sound she couldn't contain. Those two sensations combined turned the fire into a blaze, liquid hot and aching sweetly in her cunt. Another half-suppressed moan escaped her throat as Pearl nipped at her skin and she took a quick, shuddering breath. "Please, Pearl. I need... more."

Jasper could feel Pearl smile against her neck. "Well, if you're going to be so impatient about it..."

Her hands began to move downward again, struggling to get the uniform over her hips. Pearl kept working at her throat all the while, leaving marks Jasper was sure would show the next day. For some reason, that just made it all the more arousing. 

Finally, Pearl managed to get the uniform down past her hips and thighs, leaving her naked from the knee up. Pearl abandoned her neck in the process and sat back, taking Jasper in. Jasper just kneeled, reveling under her gaze. Her eyes slowly traveled up to Jasper's and she smiled again. "How could anyone say you're defective? You're perfect."

 _Perfect_ . That word alone was enough to make Jasper desperate again, to spark that need that had been growing in her unheeded since that dark cell so long ago. And Pearl was right before her, so very close... "Please, Pearl." 

Pearl leaned in again, that smile still on her face. Her hands ran along Jasper's stomach as she whispered in her ear. "You have been very good, haven't you? All this time. Don't you deserve a reward?"

Jasper swallowed hard, her throat completely dry. "Yes."

But Pearl didn't quite deliver; not yet. Her fingers explored every dip on her stomach, felt the vague outline of every muscle, caressed and gripped at the sides of her hips, plentiful and pliable. Her voice was low and full of desire in Jasper's ear. "You know, I always thought you would be solid muscle. But this?" Pearl grasped at the soft edges of her hips again in gentle admiration. "This is much nicer."

Everything about this was too much and not enough all at once. Every word Pearl said, every touch sent a shiver down her spine that culminated between her legs, sweet and torturous all at once. She couldn't take this for much longer. "Pearl..."

Jasper could feel Pearl's giggle against her ear. "I can't help myself. There's so much of you I want to touch." That was enough to pull another moan out of her, low and throaty. Pearl's hands slid lower still. Her tone completely changed, becoming soft and sensual and so, so alluring. "Why don't you open your legs for me like a good girl?"

A shudder ran through Jasper and her breath rushed out of her, the ache in her cunt exacerbating unbearably and a sound like a whine making its way out of her throat, needy and uninhibited. She obeyed instantly. As soon as her knees were as far apart as they could be in her position, Pearl's hands slid down, palming at the plush give of her thighs.

"That's it," Pearl whispered, and Jasper nearly moaned again. "Stars, Jasper. You're so soft."

Her hands moved higher and higher until they were so very close, Jasper canting her hips in anticipation, before she stopped completely. Jasper almost groaned in frustration before Pearl spoke again. "What do you want?"

Only one hand remained on her thigh now, slowly trailing a line from the top to the bottom, going dangerously high each time. Jasper was keenly aware of it every time it got close. It was almost hard to speak. "You."

"Oh?" Her hand grew closer each time it ascended. Jasper felt like she was breathing thin air. "And how do you want me?"

Jasper's hips jerked forward as her fingers grew especially close and she withdrew her hand, simply resting it on her lower thigh. Jasper groaned this time, frustrated, needing something, anything. Needing Pearl, most of all. "Fuck, Pearl. You know what I mean."

Pearl prompted her again; a fingernail, drawn slowly up her inner thigh, and a voice like velvet. "Why don't you ask me?"

So Pearl wanted her to beg. Jasper wanted to refuse; she was proud, too proud, but she was desperate as well and that nail held so much promise. How much had she wanted this, dreamt about this? And Pearl's nail was moving higher and her breath caught in her throat and- "Fuck me, Pearl. Please."

A command with deference hastily tacked on, awkward but still very much earnest. Pearl laughed softly and accepted it. "That's a good girl."

Finally, finally, _finally_ , her fingers made contact and ran the length of her cunt and Jasper bucked forward, gasping. She bit her lip to keep any other sounds from escaping as Pearl skimmed her clit before dipping lower, parting her folds. Her fingers returned covered in slick. 

"You're so wet," Pearl breathed, and it sent a shiver down Jasper's spine. "You want me this much?"

"Yes," was all that Jasper could manage because Pearl began to circle her clit and it was so, so good after being neglected for so long that her breath caught in her throat and her mouth fell open. Pearl was so gentle, so soft; so different than rough, uncaring movements Jasper was used to. Jasper had never been touched so _tenderly_ and it was so arousing in the sweetest way. She tried to contain another moan with limited success. 

Pearl seemed to notice the way she fought to keep herself silent and spoke again, her whisper in Jasper's ear. "Jasper, let me hear you. Don't hold back."

Every other time, Jasper had to keep quiet; what she was doing was illegal. Being found like this, no matter who her partner was, would result in heavy punishment. But they were alone in Jasper's apartment and Pearl's finger was teasing at her entrance and it was all so good, so tempting that she couldn't restrain herself any longer. She moaned in earnest, loud and sharp.

"That's it, Jasper." As a reward, Pearl slipped the finger inside. Jasper shuddered as a second one joined it, moving ever so slowly, her thumb still on her clit. "You're doing so well."

Pearl sped up and Jasper took a shaky breath. Even if this was wrong, even if this was weakness, she had never felt this free before. She had never had this sense of agency; this feeling of complete control over what would happen to her. And she had never felt this close to another, never in the barracks on GHL or any time after. Every time the familiar sense of shame began to creep in, Pearl's fingers brought her back and she forgot to feel anything but them at all. 

Pearl's lips and tongue were against her throat again and it was all so very wonderful, gentle and kind, and she tried to give in but it was altogether not enough. It wasn't angled enough, wasn't hard enough, wasn't _enough_ and Jasper couldn't quite lose herself in the feeling. The command was out before she even knew she was speaking. "More." 

There was a brief moment where Jasper feared she overstepped her boundaries, but Pearl immediately responded, picking up the pace and adding another finger. Without warning, Pearl powerfully began to bowl those three into her, and _that_ was it, right _there_ , and she yelped and desperately sank down into them. Each thrust caused ecstasy to burst through her, too good, and this was nothing like before, no one had ever been like this before, and then her fingers curled and Jasper- 

"Fuck- fuck!" She buckled, her body bowing toward Pearl's hand until her forehead was on Pearl's shoulder, needily leaning into her. Even though they were touching, Pearl didn't stop; in fact, she seemed even more encouraged by the sincerity of Jasper's cry, thrusting again with the same speed and angle. It won her another shout and she continued like that, teeth nipping at Jasper's bitten throat, fingers buried in her cunt. Not rough enough to hurt; not soft enough to leave her wanting. Pearl's thumb brushed over her clit again and her thighs twitched with it. She couldn't seem to get enough air.

"I can be rough, Jasper," Pearl whispered into her ear. "I can do whatever you want."

Her voice was so full of promise that Jasper didn't hesitate for a second. At this point, she could barely form a sentence- every time she tried, the force of Pearl's fingers would cut her short- but she finally got the words out in a shaky, staccato rush. "Pull on my hair."

Pearl responded immediately, reaching up with her free hand and tugging, hard. She was rewarded by another cry and did it again. That, combined with the drive of Pearl's hand was enough to leave Jasper gasping, her earlier shouts reduced to tiny, breathy moans. Her thighs were shaking with the pleasure of it as it threatened to overwhelm her, so much, too much... "Pearl, Pearl, Pearl, fuck!"

And Pearl answered, her fingers relentless. Jasper's hands behind her curled into fists as she felt her orgasm near, the intensity culminating to a sharp point. Jasper was teetering at the edge, so close, so close... and Pearl's voice was back in Jasper's ear again, commanding.

"Come."

And her thumb was on her clit again, and her fingers curled, and Jasper surrendered. She surrendered to her innate desire for submission, her shame, her defectiveness. To the long years of dissatisfaction and self-hatred; to all the lukewarm attempts to find this before. She surrendered to her longing, taboo and so very human. She surrendered to herself.

But, most of all, she surrendered to Pearl.

Jasper stiffened as her orgasm overcame her, lips open in a soundless keen and back arched, flush with pleasure. And this, this, _this_ was what she wanted, it was always what she wanted, ever since that day in the cell; this release, kneeling before Pearl, helpless and empowered all at once. And then she sagged forward, finding her voice again, and she sang out as the aftershocks rippled through her. 

The contented numbness that awaited her was familiar and she succumbed to it, allowing everything to become distant and fuzzy. She was so spent the only thing she could do was breathe, hard and steady. Pearl removed her hand and she immediately felt empty.

She felt the click of the restraints more than she heard them and brought her arms forward, a little sore. Slowly, she uncurled from her position, letting her head rest on Pearl's shoulder. There was no reprimand. After the thunder in her mind and body, the room felt strangely silent.

It was only when Jasper went to rub her wrists that she realized Pearl was holding her- one arm wrapped around her waist, one hand stroking her hair softly- and she felt her chest swell with an emotion she couldn't quite describe. She reached for Pearl and then hesitated, both hands hovering around her waist.

"Can I?"

Pearl's answer was almost inaudible. "Yes. Just this once."

With careful reverence, Jasper allowed herself to bring Pearl close, closing her eyes and breathing her in. She was sturdier than Jasper expected, and not as tiny; it came as a surprise. She rested her head in the crook of Jasper's neck and stroked her hair, and Jasper held her close, and they sat like that for a long while. _Just this once_.

And for the first time since her kindergarten was ripped from her, Jasper didn't feel lonely.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for continuing to read Metanoia. This update took a very long time due to my general loss of interest in Steven Universe (for a myriad of reasons, including the recent artbook scandal) and other things in my personal life. I don’t want to stop writing Metanoia, though! I’ve put too much time and effort into this story to just give it up. After this chapter, I’m estimating there will be two more (very long) chapters to bring this story to its conclusion. I’m hoping to write those before the end of the summer.
> 
> I haven’t seen Steven Universe since January and I’m aware there’s a canon portrayal of Homeworld now in the show, which I know absolutely nothing about. The next few chapters will most likely be completely inaccurate as I don’t want to change the world I’ve created so late in the game. I hope it won’t be too jarring!
> 
> Thank you again for reading this story. I treasure every comment on it and honestly can’t believe so many people enjoy my writing so much. I’m eternally grateful.

Jasper could feel a hundred eyes turn to her and Pearl as the doors swung open. Yellow Diamond sat on her throne as stoic as ever, and her court was full. She had no screen to attend to, no urgent messages to attend. She just watched Jasper’s procession with cold eyes.

Hushed whispers surrounded her on all sides as she entered. Pearl walked a step behind her, hands clasped demurely before her, eyes cast downward. It was her the court was staring at, her the court was whispering about- all aristocrats who probably owned dozens of Pearls like her- and Jasper only caught every other word. _Renegade, Beta, broken in._ She could feel her palms begin to sweat.

Yellow Diamond’s attention, however, was all on Jasper. Her gaze betrayed nothing. Jasper could feel it on her, scrutinizing, and she took a deep breath. Something was very wrong.

When they got close enough, Jasper knelt and Pearl dropped to the ground, bowing so deeply that her forehead almost touched the ground. Jasper’s mind went back to the last time she had knelt that morning, in a situation so much different…

 

_Seeing Pearl again after what had happened before was fraught with awkwardness. Jasper didn’t know how to act, how to address her; they both stood like statues until Jasper finally broke the silence. “So.”_

_“So,” Pearl repeated, smiling slightly._

_“I liked… how things turned out. It was… nice.”_

_“Oh?”_

_Jasper faltered. “Did… did you not?”_

_Pearl seemed to look anywhere but Jasper. “No. I did. But…” Pearl struggled to find words. “I didn’t expect this. I didn’t expect this to go so far.” And then, quieter, “I didn’t expect you would submit to me.”_

_“I would do it again.” Jasper leaned forward, earnest. Too earnest. “I want to serve you. You made me realize that.”_

_Pearl looked even more uncomfortable. She took a tiny step backward. “What do you mean?”_

_“I hate the Rebellion, and I can’t serve the Imperium blindly anymore. But you; you’re more than just the Rebellion. You’re someone I can trust.” At that, Pearl seemed to flinch. Jasper trailed off. “...Am I wrong?”_

_“You…” Pearl shook her head. “Where are you going with this?”_

_Jasper hesitated for just a moment before dropping to one knee, kneeling, head bowed. Subservient yet again. “Train me and let me fight for you.”_

_A long, long silence. Jasper keenly felt the moments pass in agonizing slowness, waiting for a response. And then, a sigh. “I was afraid this would happen. Stand up, Jasper. We’re equals.”_

_“But we’re not. You’ve proven to me you’re a far better soldier. A far more capable one, at least.” Jasper remained kneeling. “I’m beneath you.”_

_“Jasper…” Pearl sighed again. “Your worth isn’t derived from how well you can fight. You’re not better than me, I-” She cut herself off. “I won’t have you acting like a servant. You’re a person and I’ll treat you as such. Stand up.”_

_Jasper stared at her. Her whole life, she had devoted herself to serving the people superior to her; Pink Diamond, Yellow Diamond. Even if she didn’t have to obey her caste, being Pearl’s soldier was what she wanted to do; what was wrong with it? “I want to do this, Pearl. Let me do this for you!”_

_Pearl stepped back so quickly it was almost as if she recoiled. “No, Jasper! Fighting for someone else like that… You don’t want that!” Her hands were balled up into fists. She stared at them and took a deep breath. “Jasper, I don’t want you fighting for me. That’s final.”_

_Pearl was upset; Pearl was angry. That was the opposite of Jasper’s intentions. It was the opposite of what she expected. “But if I can’t fight for you…” Something like a laugh escaped her, hard and cynical. “What’s the use in keeping me around?”_

_Pearl’s expression turned from discomfort to… sorrow. All of a sudden, she seemed to understand. “Oh, Jasper.” She sunk down so she was eye level with her, earnest. “I don’t want to be around you because of how you can serve me. I want to be around you because you’re a person. A person that I like quite a bit.”_

_Jasper averted her eyes. “Right.”_

_“And, Jasper. If you have to fight for somebody…” Pearl smiled. “Why not start with yourself?”_

 

The court suddenly went silent and Jasper was very aware of the present again. She risked a glance over at Pearl and found she hadn’t moved. Good. The more convincing her act was, the better.

Movement attracted her eyes and she realized Yellow Diamond had stood from her throne. Jasper tensed. The silence was absolute.

Then, Yellow Diamond’s voice, booming. “Rise.”

Jasper stood. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Pearl remain kneeling. They were frozen under Yellow Diamond’s inscrutable gaze for a long, agonizing moment. Jasper felt trepidation build with every breath she took.

Yellow Diamond’s gaze slid to Jasper, and her eyes narrowed. Her voice was devoid of emotion, and that just made it more frightening. “How long have you served me, Jasper?”

Jasper swallowed hard. “Eighty six years, my Diamond.”

“Yes. And how long have you known that Pearl?”

“Four months, my Diamond.”

Jasper could hear the click of her nails as her fingers drummed against the side of her throne. Her eyes were scrutinizing. “So then tell me, Jasper, why your loyalties lie with her now?”

Jasper suddenly felt very cold. She didn’t get a chance to respond before Yellow Diamond continued, returning to her display and reading off a list. “Unauthorized visits to her cell when she was being interrogated. Healing her wounds without permission, with supplies you weren’t allowed to have. Lying about her rank in a report directly to me.” She turned to Jasper again. “Do you know what all this is?”

All the things Jasper thought she had gotten away with. She swallowed hard. “Treason, my Diamond.”

“Yes. Small acts of it, but treason nonetheless.” Her hand stilled. “Do you know what we do with traitors?”

Jasper could feel the tension around her, hot and oppressive. The room was silent. Suddenly, Jasper wasn’t bold enough to hold Yellow Diamond’s gaze. She stared at the bottom of the dais and kept her face carefully blank. “We get rid of them, my Diamond.”

“Yes. But Jasper, you’ve been an asset to me so much before. Invaluable, even, in some of your battles. You’ve never been disloyal before.” Yellow Diamond’s eyes narrowed. “So why now?”

Why? Because Jasper was desperate for companionship? Becauses Pearl was the first to treat her not as an idol, not as a mistake, but as a human? Jasper stared at the ground, trying to think of something convincing, when an old anger bubbled up within her. “This Pearl is Rose Quartz’s confidante. If anyone knows where she is, it’s her.” Her hands curled into fists, and suddenly, she wasn’t faking the roughness in her voice. “I wanted to find that bitch and kill her before anyone else got the chance.”

Yellow Diamond was unimpressed. “We would all like to see the fall of Rose Quartz, Jasper, but you’re not an assassin. You’re a soldier. That is not your place.” A long moment passed, silent. Jasper stood completely still. And then Yellow Diamond relented. “Jasper, you’ve served me well enough that I’m willing to overlook these trespasses, but this will be your final chance. If you do _anything_ that leads me to think you’re even _considering_ treason, I will not hesitate to rid the Imperium of both you and your Pearl. Is that clear?”

So this was what it was like to be a lieutenant. Getting away with just a slap on the wrist. Jasper sunk to the ground again, kneeling. “Yes, my Diamond. Thank you, my Diamond.”

Yellow Diamond leaned back, and her attention shifted to Pearl. “Now let’s see if you’ve succeeded in the past month.” She clapped twice and Pearl rose from the ground, walking forward with her head still bowed. Jasper watched her, apprehension growing with each breath. Pearl stopped before the dais and bowed again, shallowly. Yellow Diamond’s gaze never left her. “Where is Rose Quartz?”

Pearl still didn’t look up. “She left for the Southern Quadrant two decades ago, alone. I don’t know where exactly she went.”

Yellow Diamond raised an eyebrow. “That’s convenient. You don’t know where she went except that it’s in the least explored sector of the Galaxy, far enough into Rebel territory that we’d have to fight a war to even begin to look. And she left alone? The leader of the Rebellion? You expect me to believe that?”

Pearl didn’t react. “It’s the truth.”

Yellow Diamond struck her, hard, and she stumbled to the side from the force of it. Jasper nearly jumped to her defense, restraining herself at the last second, blood boiling. Pearl quickly righted herself, still keeping her eyes carefully downward.

Yellow Diamond’s low voice was a threat. “Have you no respect? Speaking to a Diamond in that manner?”

Pearl dropped to the ground, prostrating herself. “Forgive me. I wasn’t thinking.”

Yellow Diamond narrowed her eyes but continued her interrogation nonetheless. “And what about the ship you were captured on. Why were you there?”

Pearl didn’t stand. Her voice was carefully level. “Without Rose, I have no guidance. I wanted to feel useful.”

“And what was Bismuth doing on Tau 5332c?”

“She was just supposed to reclaim that base, not destroy it.”

“Where will the Rebellion strike next?”

The courtroom was silent. Jasper leaned forward, waiting for Pearl’s response with bated breath. A long moment passed, then another, before Pearl’s quiet voice spoke again.

“The asteroid base.”

Jasper’s blood went cold. Yellow Diamond whirled around to face her, eyes wide, and she stepped to the edge of the dais. Jasper had seen her annoyed before, she had seen her angry, but Yellow Diamond’s composure had never fallen to this point before. She was furious. Jasper shrunk back.

Yellow Diamond’s voice was no longer a concealed threat. She was yelling. “B-6xG, WHAT did you TELL HER?!”

Jasper shook her head emphatically, her hands up defensively. "I didn't say anything about that. I never told her anything about my missions. I have no idea how she knows about that."

Yellow Diamond stopped, chest heaving, her brow furrowed as realization struck her. "Then the Rebellion already knows..." She returned to her throne hastily, pulling up her holographic display and typing into it faster than Jasper had ever seen before. Pearl was forgotten at the edge of the dais. After a moment, Yellow Diamond pointed at Jasper, not taking her eyes off the screen. "Jasper, take Peridot and lead a battalion to the base. Strengthen its fortifications. No Rebel can get in. Do you understand?" Only then did Yellow Diamond look at her again, and Jasper recognized something in her expression. Fear. "Defend it with your life."

Jasper saluted. "Yes, My Diamond."

She returned to her screen. "You'll leave in an hour. Dismissed."

Jasper didn't waste time. She clapped twice and Pearl returned to her and Jasper nearly ran out of the courtroom, eager to leave. It wasn't until they had returned to her quarters that she even looked at Pearl.

And when she did, she whirled around, trying to contain herself. "Pearl, what the hell were you doing?! Where did you even find out about the base? Was any of that the truth?!"

"The Rebellion knows about it. And..." Pearl didn't meet her eye. "I was lying."

Jasper just stared at her in utter disbelief. "You lied. To a Diamond." She let out an incredulous laugh, shaking her head. "You've doomed us. You know what's going to happen when she finds out, right? We're both dead."

"Well, what else was I supposed to do?! Tell her the truth?! That I have no idea where Rose Quartz is or what the Rebellion is going to do next?! She wouldn't even believe that, Jasper. And at this point, we're dead anyway." Pearl and turned away and closing her eyes, breathing deep. She paced back and forth, her fingers steepled, her brow furrowed. "I can- I can fix this. I have a contact in the Imperium, I can contact the Rebellion through her channel, I can..." Pearl fell silent, just staring at her hands, and then she turned to Jasper.

"I have a way of contacting the Rebellion if I'm careful enough, using the communicator you gave me. Spies in the Imperium have used this network for years and they haven't been found out yet. I can orchestrate an attack on that base and we won't be found out. If you just give me the coordinates-"

"No. Absolutely not. Did you not hear her? All of this so far- everything I've done- it's been... insignificant. Yellow Diamond won't care if I think the caste system is bullshit as long as I never challenge her. But this? This?" Jasper shook her head again. "I would be a traitor. Completely. I would deserve to be executed, Pearl."

Pearl just looked at her, still. "I should have expected as much. But I'll find out one way or another, Jasper, with or without your help. It's my life at stake here."

"And mine, if you have the base I'm stationed at attacked."

Pearl started pacing again. "I'll make sure it's not deadly. Just a warning strike. I'll..." She trailed off. "Jasper, what's even at that base?"

“I have no idea." Jasper raised an eyebrow. "I thought the Rebellion knew about this place."

"They know it exists, not its purpose." Pearl stopped again and turned to Jasper. "This... will probably work. It'll take a few months to get everything together, but... I'll warn you before it happens. I'll tell you our plan so you can be prepared."

"Aren't you afraid I'll sell you out?"

Pearl looked at her pointedly. "After all the trouble you went through to make me yours?"

"I didn't expect for you to start planning shit like this."

Pearl sighed. "Look. What I've bought us is time. Obviously, this place is so important that Yellow Diamond isn't willing to take any chances with it. And if I make what I said the truth, we'll have a place in the Imperium. An important one. You'll have an even higher position than what you have now."

"And we'll be safe."

"And we'll be safe." Pearl echoed.

Jasper met her gaze and they just looked at each other for a long moment. They'd be safe; they wouldn't be found out. Jasper would be trusted again and Pearl wouldn't be mistreated. They could continue their odd relationship in secret without the threat of being found out.

Jasper considered it. "People are going to die, you know."

"If I make it a small enough attack..."

People were going to die to protect the two of them. Rebel soldiers, Imperial soldiers. Jasper felt the weight of those lives, heavy in the pit of her stomach. Rebellion came with a high price. "I can't help you with this one. You'll have to get your information from someone else."

With that, Jasper left to collect her things. She grabbed everything with a faint annoyance, wishing she had reason to be irritated. What Pearl was doing made sense. Jasper understood the reasoning behind it. But she couldn't truly commit treason, and she couldn't stand allowing it happen before her. Pearl's lessons on self-determination and worth did nothing to temper that.

But the more she thought, the more that irritation melted away. Usually, she would have been glad to leave the Mothership- and she was- but there was something that had begun nagging at her. Something soft and sickeningly sentimental.

She didn't want to leave Pearl.

It was stupid. She hadn't been hung up on anyone in years; decades, even. She had never let herself get so attached before. But it wasn't like anyone had ever stayed, and it wasn't like she had ever had such constant, positive companionship.

And she was worried about Pearl being alone on a ship full of people who saw her as an object.

She sighed. Even if Pearl was acting rashly, it was to stay with Jasper; whether that was for her own safety or not, Jasper didn't care. It was beneficial for both of them either way. Pearl remained safe and Jasper obtained acceptance. Jasper just hoped Pearl saw it as more.

Jasper checked her communicator; she was nearly out of time. She picked up her meager bag of belongings- an extra uniform, her eyeliner, her cape- and started toward the door. Her hand was on the handle when she heard a voice behind her.

"You're leaving?"

Jasper turned to face her and noticed for the first time the redness on her face from where Yellow Diamond struck her. It made her furious; she averted her eyes. “Yeah.”

“Well…”

And then Pearl came up to her and embraced her.

Jasper stood wooden, shocked. She had figured the night before was a one-time occurrence; a tiny moment of vulnerability they would both pretend to forget. She lowered her hands just as cautiously as the previous time and, when there was no refusal, she held Pearl for a second time. It felt like a privilege.

Pearl’s actions the night before and now brought to the surface a secret craving she thought she had long since buried; the almost painful desire for affectionate touch. Jasper had been deprived of it for so long each one was a gift. Holding Pearl like this, she felt like she was melting at the edges. She didn’t want to let go.

It ended too soon. Pearl backed away and Jasper let her. “You should leave.”

“I know.”

Jasper didn’t move. Pearl was so close; Jasper wondered if it would be out of line to kiss her. She almost forgot to scoff at herself for such a stupid, sentimental thought.

Her communicator vibrated and snapped her out of it. She was late. Of course. “Alright. See you when this is over, I guess.”

Pearl watched her leave. It was almost hard to close the door behind her. Soon, she would be stationed somewhere else, somewhere new; somewhere far away from Holly Blue and the Diamonds and her past hanging heavy around her neck like a noose. Soon, she would have some measure of freedom again.

And soon, she wouldn’t see Pearl for months.

Leaving the Mothership had never felt so bittersweet.

 

Per Yellow Diamond’s orders, Jasper led a battalion through the three week trek to the asteroid base, in charge of such a large group for the first time since the start of the war. All the other ships were effectively mobile barracks, but hers only housed two. Her and Peridot.

Her own personal prison.

If Yellow Diamond had them working together to punish Jasper, it was certainly working. For some reason, Peridot had completely abandoned her log, instead talking to Jasper a mile a minute, mostly about her Amethyst. Jasper just stared into space, completely disinterested.

After a long while, Jasper turned to her, beyond irritated. “Peridot, don’t you have anyone else to talk to?”

Peridot just stared, taken aback. “Not on this ship. And it’s not like I ever see _you_ talking to anyone.”

“I talk to people.”

Peridot sneered. “Other than your Pearl?”

Jasper glared at her. She didn’t respond; anything she said would have been a lie at this point, anyway. Only halfway through their journey to the base and the vacuum of space was starting to seem appealing.

And then her thoughts went back to Pearl, on the Mothership. Alone. She sighed. “What the hell is at this base, Peridot? Peridot didn't respond, but she shifted and her arrogance dropped. Jasper narrowed her eyes. "You know, don't you?"

Peridot averted her gaze. “Can’t tell you. Yellow Diamond’s orders.”

Jasper leaned in, placing her hand on the back of Peridot’s chair warningly. Her voice was a threat in and of itself. “Do you really want me to break your things this time?”

Peridot visibly gulped, scooting back in her chair. "Even I don't really know what it is! But..." She averted her eyes, nervously drumming her fingers on the surface of the console. "I've heard rumors."

Now Jasper was interested. "Like what?"

Peridot's voice dropped completely and she looked around nervously, as if she expected someone to jump out and grab her. "It could be a bioweapon that's been in development since the start of the war. Apparently, they already used it once against the Rebels; they're making it stronger. They think this could be what ends the war altogether."

The end of the war. Jasper couldn't imagine it. The war was as constant as the air she breathed; without it, Jasper didn't know what her life would be like. What she would be like. She didn't dwell on it. "What does it do?"

"I've heard it affects your hippocampus. It makes you forget who you are before it kills you." Peridot shuddered, shaking her head. "But I don't know if any of that is true. They're probably just rumors."

Just rumors. Nothing based on the truth. But nonetheless, cold horror still sat in Jasper's stomach at the thought of it, turning uneasily. Forgetting who she was- her convictions, her memories- not even the Rebellion deserved that. If that happened to her, to Pearl...

The stars flew past and Jasper watched with building trepidation, suddenly uncomfortable. What was she helping to protect?

 

The asteroid base was tiny. There wasn’t enough room to accommodate any of the soldiers, so Jasper ordered them to dock their ships alongside the asteroid. They remained moored there, living inside their ships and waiting for an attack that might never come. Jasper hadn’t heard from Pearl since she left. A month had passed.

Jasper had to submit weekly reports to Yellow Diamond and notify her immediately when the attack happened; thus far, those reports just mentioned the shortage of rations and the overall lack of activity. The Peridots working on the base didn’t let any of the soldiers inside except for Jasper, once, to examine the base herself and judge its defenses. It was built to survive, with reinforced walls and labs deep within the core of the asteroid. Whatever was being made there was kept under tight guard. Jasper left with the same amount of knowledge as when she entered.

She spent her time drilling the other regimens and herself. The battalion was split into four companies lead by captains who answered to her; in the heat of battle, she wanted to make sure they were ready. When she trained herself, she trained alone, doing her best to avoid the other soldiers. If she tried, they would talk to her- they couldn’t ignore her now that she was commanding them- but she could sense their disdain at having a Beta lieutenant, and talking to her out of obligation was worse than being ignored. So she all but avoided them, taking meals in her chambers and training out of sight.

And later on, when nearly everyone else on the ships was asleep, Jasper would stare at the ceiling and her thoughts would find their way to Pearl. She missed her fiercely enough that it was surprising, a stubborn kind of longing that sat between her ribs and made her chest tight. She wanted to talk to her, to hear her voice. She had such a pretty voice. Jasper just wanted to be with her again.

And she craved her touch.

It was nothing like the desire she had felt before, objectifying and all-consuming; this was a different kind of desire. This was soft and warm and _longing_ in a way Jasper hadn’t felt in years. She longed for the way Pearl had held her; the way she had caressed her cheek. It was that same craving for affectionate touch, strong enough that it felt like a physical ache. She wanted to hold Pearl again so much it hurt.

At least lust was easy enough to sate by herself. Jasper had no idea how to deal with this. She curled up against herself, heaving a sigh. Pearl was right. She was lonely.

By the time two months had passed without news from Pearl, Jasper found herself… concerned. Jasper wasn’t someone who worried in the first place; it was almost uncomfortable for her when she realized what it was. But once it was there, it wouldn’t leave, and the concern and loneliness all coalesced into one action. Jasper decided to call her.

It was something Jasper had never done outside of work. It wasn’t like she was close enough to anyone before to even want to, and besides, the Imperium tracked and monitored all interaction on its channel. That didn’t deter her. She just wanted to talk to Pearl; she wouldn’t bring up anything suspicious.

There was a long wait as the call traveled the distance between them. They could be too far away; it was possible the communicator wasn’t strong enough to sustain a call over such a huge amount of space. The longer it went on, the more uncomfortable Jasper felt until she realized what it was; nervousness. She almost laughed. First she was worried about Pearl, and now she was nervous?

The call was picked up and Jasper stopped thinking. “Jasper?”

“Yeah.”

“Is… everything okay?”

There was a pause. Jasper could hear her own breathing. “Why are you calling, then?”

She felt embarrassment overtake her nervousness. “I, uh… wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh!” Pearl laughed a little. “Well, here I am.”

“Yeah.” Jasper tapped on the receiver, trying to think of something to say. She was worse at conversation than she thought. “Is everything… Fine? Is anyone bothering you?”

“Holly Blue Agate is giving me some trouble, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve told her everything I know about the attack and she still doesn’t believe me. I think she finds me too… articulate.”

Jasper felt her lip curl. “If Holly Blue tries anything with you, I’ll fuck her up. That’s a promise. I hate that bitch.”

That made Pearl laugh. The sound of it made Jasper’s longing for her spike. “I’m fine, really.” She paused. “But I wouldn’t hold you back.”

Jasper grinned at that. In the silence that followed, she felt that longing tug at her again and she sobered a little, staring up at the ceiling. The words were out before she was able to stop them. “I wish you were here, Pearl. Not here- not in danger, I mean- but…” She trailed off and started again, quieter. “I miss you.”

Pearl didn’t respond for a long moment, long enough that Jasper felt like she had said the wrong thing. But then Pearl sighed. “I miss you too, Jasper. It’s different without you here. It’s… emptier.”

There were so many things Jasper wanted to ask her. _Are you sure you’re fine on your own? Do you need anything? How should I prepare for the attack? How intense will it be? Who will lead it? Do they really believe you?_

The threat of being discovered hung heavy in the back of her mind. She gritted her teeth, frustrated at her limitations. She was already pushing it being this familiar, this tender. She couldn’t risk anything more. “I’m glad you’re alright. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay.”

Jasper hesitated, her hand hovering over the communicator. She closed her eyes and swallowed her longing. “Take care.”

The communicator clicked as it hung up. The silence that followed seemed even lonelier than before.

 

One month turned to two, then three, then four. Jasper didn’t let herself call Pearl more than once a month- she didn’t want to give them away- and it always left her wanting. Their stilted conversations were not enough. The binds of the Imperium were starting to chafe; she didn’t find comfort in restrictions anymore. She had never allowed herself to consider another option; another life. Now that the possibility was presented, the one she had now left her dissatisfied.

The way the soldiers treated her didn’t make it any easier. They regarded her with either admiration or disdain; awe over being the only perfect soldier out of Beta, contempt over being made there in the first place. Always, always reducing her to her origins. Her frustration made her realize just how accustomed she’d become to Pearl treating her as an equal. When the Rubies saw her as an idol before, she’d been flattered. Thinking about it now just made her more uncomfortable.

And it remained the same for six long months until Jasper got summoned into the base again. A Peridot led her wordlessly into the upper levels of the base- the ones closest to the surface of the asteroid- and into a room Jasper had only glanced in previously. A large screen spanned the farthest wall, connected to the cameras stationed all around the base, and on that screen...

"Stars above," Jasper breathed.

On that screen, a line of battleships were creeping closer, flanked by ships bigger than anything Jasper had in her battalion. Jasper could recognize their build; they were old enough to be from the first years of Era Two, yet they were fortified and improved upon in ways that were completely unfamiliar.

It was time.

"Lieutenant?"

Jasper realized the room was waiting for her direction. She tore her eyes away from the screen. "Has the Mothership been notified yet?"

"Communications have been down the past week and a half. It's hard to stay connected this far out."

 _Shit._ "And what about this base? Can you evacuate with whatever is here? Because I doubt it's going to survive this." Yellow Diamond's words echoed in her mind- _guard it with your life_ \- and she wracked her mind for options, for all the different scenarios she had considered and told to Yellow Diamond. "We’ll go with our previous plan. My soldiers will create a distraction for long enough for you to escape. Once you get away, we can fall back. Are you prepared?"

The Peridots talked it over and Jasper watched the approaching ships with growing trepidation, her fingers tapping against the blaster strapped to her waist. They had a half hour at the most before they came in range; barely enough time to garrison the troops and rig up a formidable offense. This didn't look like a warning strike. Pearl had miscalculated.

The room fell silent, and the Peridot who led her into the room spoke. "We’ll be ready if you give us time. There are still things we need to do."

Jasper felt irritation spike, spurred on by her nervousness. They had time to orchestrate this; they had months! "We don't have time," She growled. "Do it now, and do it fast. You have fifteen minutes."

As soon as she finished talking, she turned around and sprinted out of the base, returning to her ship out of breath. She didn't have time to wait for their response. She didn't have time for anything. Jasper continued to the bridge and turned on the communications to broadcast to the troops, her fingers slipping on the keys in her haste. She could feel her heart in her throat. Taking a deep breath, she switched the broadcast on.

"Soldiers, get to your stations. The Rebel army is here. Prepare for battle."

Jasper knew what it was like to hear those words as a soldier; the kind of cold dread that shot through her, the trepidation, the adrenaline. She could almost hear it if she tried; the stamping of boots on metal, locker doors slamming shut as equipment was retrieved, the gruff commands of the unit leader. It wasn't something she missed.

The floor beneath her began to vibrate as the dozens of ships began to start up, engines roaring to life after months of stasis. Peridot came rushing in, frantic, and began doing the same. Jasper watched her disinterestedly, thinking.

"Peridot. Can you rig up a connection to the base?"

Peridot just stared at her, an undercurrent of scorn in her voice. "Communications are down. Haven't you heard?"

Jasper's fuse was even shorter than usual, burned down by months of waiting and the prospect of the battle before them. She narrowed her eyes. "That's why I'm asking you, dumbass. Aren't you good for anything?"

Peridot seemed stunned. She didn't move, and Jasper felt her irritation grow. "I can take care of the ship. Just figure it out."

She scampered out of the room and Jasper took her place at the pilot's seat, finishing starting up the ship and steering it away from the asteroid, making her way behind the first few lines of Imperial ships. Far enough away from the front line that she wasn’t in immediate danger, close enough she could accurately direct them. She waited there and examined what the ship had to offer.

There was a backup life support system in case the first was destroyed, along with a small escape shuttle. The ship was equipped with a set of close-range blasters she doubted she would be able to use. At least, she hoped not. There was a monitor as well; she turned it on and examined their current position. The Rebel fleet was a parsec and a half away; minutes from being in range.

Her communications hub crackled: a transmission from a ship not in her platoon. She turned back to it and flipped the switch. "Is this the asteroid base?"

"Positive."

"How are preparations going?"

"As fast as possible, Lieutenant, but understand there is a lot of data and-"

Jasper could see the line of Rebel ships clearly now, nearly in range. Her hands were beginning to tremble. "I can give you twenty minutes at the most. We’re severely outnumbered. If you don’t get away before then, I can’t guarantee your safety.”

She didn’t wait for their response, switching to the front line of ships. “Company A, come in. This is Lieutenant B-6xG. What is your status?” She waited for a confirmation from each to continue, broadcasting to the entire fleet now. “We’re going to follow the plan we discussed. Once the base is evacuated, we can fall back. I’ll give you the signal.”

Jasper looked back at the monitor; less than a minute until the Rebels entered the range of their artillery. She switched back to the front line, apprehension edging into her voice. “Get ready to attack. Rebel ships enter range in twenty seconds.” She watched the front line obey her orders, moving the laser cannons into position. _Ten seconds._ The Rebel ships were lit up, ready to attack. _Five seconds_ . Jasper leaned toward the microphone, her hands fully trembling. _One second_.

“FIRE!”

And for a split second, the universe around her lit in a deadly display, and in that moment, Jasper could see nothing. If sound traveled through space, Jasper knew would have heard the ships exploding around her. She would have felt their destruction through the soles of her boots. But it was still, and it was silent, and when her vision cleared eight of the ships on the front row had been reduced to debris. The communications hub crackled and went silent.

She immediately contacted the two remaining ships, nearly missing the button in her urgency. “Front line, come in. Are the rest of you hit? What are the states of your ships?"

One of the ships came in, farthest to the right. “Lieutenant B-6xG, we were grazed by the attack, but we’re fine. G-9xL’s ship won’t respond, though.”

It was completely still. Jasper didn’t have time to consider all the things that could have happened to it; the Rebel fleet was preparing for another shot. She addressed the second line, trying to keep the fear out of her voice. “Replace the front line.” And then, to the entire fleet: “Fire at will.”

And just like that, the fight exploded. Jasper saw shots fired from all around; above her, below her, beside her. The formation shifted, now a wall instead of neat lines. The light from the cannons wasn't as blinding now that they weren’t firing in sync.

It was at that moment Peridot ran in, taking in the scene before her with horror as a ship nearby was destroyed. The debris floated past their monitor. Jasper watched it pass, nauseated. Peridot was only frozen for a moment, though, turning to Jasper. “How long do you think this will hold out?”

Jasper switched off communications before responding. “I have no fucking idea, Peridot.”

That was sobering. Peridot watched with her as three more ships were destroyed; on the Rebel end, they had lost far more. But the Rebel ships completely outnumbered them, and Jasper was already down twelve. A raw estimate of the Rebel numbers was at least three hundred; twice as many as Jasper’s battalion. She swallowed hard. Only three minutes had passed.

If she just sat there and watched, it would drive her mad. She looked over to Peridot. “Keep in contact with the base. Tell me when they’ve escaped.”

Peridot watched her as she maneuvered slightly ahead, lining up a shot. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jasper.”

Jasper didn’t spare her a glance. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re not the Lieutenant here.” And she fired.

She couldn’t tell if it hit from this distance, but they were definitely making a dent on the Rebel forces. The same could be said about their fleet, though; twenty six of her ships were now destroyed or not functioning. Her stomach sank when she saw that number, and fear worked it’s way up her chest. She took a deep breath and fired again, trying to keep herself calm. She heard Peridot talking in the background and blocked it out, focusing on the shot. She found a specific ship that had just taken out one of hers and lined it up, finger on the trigger…

“JASPER!”

The shot missed. Jasper slammed her hands down on the console and spun around toward Peridot. “What?!”

Peridot looked more than a little irritated. “You weren’t responding! I said that the base will be cleared out in another ten minutes.”

Another ten minutes. Jasper let out a short, angry breath. Peridots were incompetent at everything. “We don’t HAVE ten minutes!” The line crackled again- the base- and Jasper immediately opened the frequency. “Listen, we don’t have ten minutes. You have to get out of there NOW, or there won’t BE any fleet left to defend you. Understand?”

Another frequency came in- one of the troops- and Jasper didn’t wait for a response, switching over and giving out orders. One of the heat shields on a ship wasn’t working; another had been grazed and its mobility was impaired; another had shut down altogether and was running on the backup life support. As soon as she finished, another troop called in. Jasper swerved to the side, narrowly avoiding a laser as it shot past her, and answered it.

“Lieutenant B-6xG, this is the leader of Company B. That last blast took out more than half of my ships; I only have three left. Of those three, only one can still fight. Should I fall back?”

Jasper looked at the list of remaining ships. “Company D could use some reinforcements. Take-”

Jasper saw the explosion before she felt it, bright and searing before it tore into her ship and rocked through it, hurling her out of her chair and into the wall beside it.Her head collided with the edge of the console and snapped back as the ship continued to rumble, the shock of the blow racing through it. She was dazed only for a second before she snapped back, shaking her head roughly to dispel it and feeling the top of her head. The skin hadn’t been broken.

An alarm began to blare and the lights on the ship flickered dangerously. The gravity of the situation set in and her heart leapt to her throat as she scrambled up, searching the room for Peridot. She found her halfway down the hallway, running horrified to the back of the ship. Jasper raced back to the console to see what the problem was. The alarm was from the engine room. They had been hit in the engine room.

Jasper could hear the blood rushing in her ears. If the engine stopped working, that was it. That was the end. She felt her breathing become erratic and tried to steady herself. She was the leader of this mission. She couldn’t panic. She couldn’t-

“Lieutenant? Lieutenant, come in! What happened!”

Jasper cleared her throat before she answered, trying to keep her voice steady. “We were hit. I’m fine.” _For now_. “Meet up with Company D and fight together.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The line went dead. The alarm for the engine room had stopped, but the light still glowed red; a warning. Jasper swallowed hard.

Peridot raced back into the room, out of breath. Jasper immediately whirled toward her. “Was the ship punctured?”

“Yes, but I sealed it off. I just bought us time, Jasper. We have to evacuate.”

Jasper just stared at her. “What?!”

The panic was clear on her face as the lights flickered again. “We have to leave, Jasper! The engine was damaged. It’s only a matter of time before it blows up.” When Jasper didn’t respond, she became even more frantic. “A matter of minutes!”

Jasper shook her head, incredulous. “Peridot, I can’t leave my ship. I’m the leader of this mission! I can’t abandon my soldiers!”

“Well then we’re going to die!”

Jasper breathed hard, her mind racing. “Listen. Listen, you stall the engine for as long as you can. Get the escape shuttle ready, do you whatever you need to. I can’t leave my position until the base is evacuated. As soon as that happens, we’re gone, okay? Until then… Just go!”

Peridot sprinted out and Jasper returned to the console, panic constricting her throat. She opened the frequency with the asteroid base. “Come in. This is Lieutenant B-6xG. What is your status?”

“We’re almost ready. Give us five minutes, and-”

“I gave you that already!” Jasper reigned in her temper. “You’re out of time. I only have thirty functioning ships left. Thirty!” The ship shook again. Jasper heard Peridot shout from below. “Just get out!”

Another laser shot past them and Jasper moved the ship to the side, just barely dodging it. Peridot yelled again. “Don’t move it, Jasper! You’ll overheat the engine!”

Fear mixed with frustration, and Jasper hit the console, whirling around. “What the hell else am I supposed to do? We’ll get hit otherwise!”

“Well, we’re gonna die either way at this point!”

Jasper clenched her fists, the panic threatening to overwhelm her. She could no longer control her breathing. If this was how she died... She shook her head again. No. She wouldn’t let herself think like that. She wouldn’t die. Not like this.

The base’s frequency came in again and Jasper immediately opened it with trembling fingers, nearly missing the switch. The seconds it took to connect felt like hours.

And then, a voice. “All clear.”

Jasper switched to the remaining fleet as quickly as she could, having to try twice on account of her fingers missing it. “FALL BACK!”

And then she ran out of the room faster than she’d ever run before, down the hallway to where the escape pod was stored in a tiny vehicle bay. Jasper could see Peridot scramble into it, poking her head out to watch as Jasper neared-

And then, for a split second, the world went white and black and silent all at once. When it came back, it was muddled. Jasper’s vision was blurry, fading in and out, and all she could smell was smoke, thick and oily. She tried to cough but couldn’t. It felt like she had slammed into a steel wall, each individual part of her body burning, and she groaned. Her hearing came back slowly, muffled and ringing, until she could make out Peridot’s voice, screaming. It was unintelligible.

Her vision cleared slowly and she realized Peridot was above her, her uniform singed, her face contorted in terror. It took a long time for Jasper to puzzle out what she was saying, over and over again, until everything seemed to pop back into focus at once.

“Don’t move, don’t move, don’t move! Stay still! Stars above, stars above, stars…”

Jasper’s faculties returned to her along with her panic. She sat up and almost passed out again from the pain, lurching to the side, her eyes rolling back. Peridot screamed and grabbed her shoulder, keeping her upright. “DON’T MOVE!”

Jasper paid her no heed, and as soon as her head cleared, she took in the scene around her with complete confusion. Something had blown up- that much was evident- and it had burst through the floor just behind where she was running. She was at the end of the hallway now, nearly in the vehicle bay. She looked at her hands- there were pieces of shrapnel imbedded in her right arm, and her left had a long burn up the side of it- and then her eyes landed on her abdomen and everything felt hot and cold all at once. There was a thin rod of metal embedded in it, sticking straight out, puncturing her left side. Her breath rushed in all at once and she started hyperventilating, terror seizing her, and her hand flew to it and wrapped around it, ready to pull.

“NO!” Jasper’s head snapped toward Peridot. “Don’t pull it out! You’ll bleed to death!”

Jasper had been stabbed, she had been shot, she had been burned. But this? This was new. This was completely unfamiliar and Jasper was paralyzed, horrified. “Then what… What do I do?!”

“We’re almost to the escape shuttle. We have to go NOW. That explosion was just a warning; this whole ship is about to blow.”

Jasper only caught half of what she was saying. The corners of her vision had begun to go dim again and her head swam. It felt like she was full of static, prickly, and then the world went dark a second time.

When she awoke again, her head was against the metal floor of the escape shuttle, cool after the heat of the ship. Peridot was piloting it. Jasper glimpsed the stars racing by before her vision blacked out again.

Then, Peridot was perched over her, her face set in determination. The fabric of her uniform was cut away around the rod. Her hand was clasped firmly around it.

She glanced up and saw Jasper was still conscious. “I wish you weren’t awake for this.”

And then she ripped it out and the world went black a third time.

 

Jasper awoke slowly to an unfamiliar room in an unfamiliar place. She tried to sit up, but pain lanced up her abdomen and she collapsed back down, groaning. She waited for it to subside before doing anything else.

Looking down, she saw she was in a simple shirt and pants. Someone had changed her clothes; she didn’t dwell on it long enough to feel uncomfortable. She pulled up her shirt to find her abdomen had been bandaged and, peeling it off, she saw the wound had been stapled shut. Her fingers traveled over it in wonder before she winced back; it was still incredibly tender. Had Peridot done this?

She realized the shrapnel in her arm had been removed, and both her arms and a significant portion of her left thigh was bandaged as well. She hadn’t even noticed her leg was wounded before.

She pressed the bandage back into place and tried to sit up, gritting her teeth against the pain. The effort left her gasping. Next was swinging her legs over the side of the bed, which was even more grueling; she had never noticed just how much she needed her abdomen to move until now, when even adjusting her position caused a spike of pain to shoot through her. She lowered herself to the floor and discovered her left leg couldn’t hold her full weight. She shifted it to her right and limped to the door like that, pausing every few moments to gather herself.

Like that, she made her way through the ship slowly, leaning on the wall for support. It was small; not dissimilar to the ship they had just left. There was only one other sleeping quarters and the living quarters were sparse. She got herself a glass of water right away; her mouth felt like cotton. After that, there was nowhere else to go but forward, so she did. The hallway led into a cockpit where Peridot sat, disinterestedly typing something into her log. When she saw Jasper, her expression became almost shocked. “You probably shouldn’t be out of bed.”

Jasper grunted in response, going over to the seat next to her and sinking into it. “How long was I out?” Her voice was even rougher than usual; she cleared her throat.

“Two and a half days. You were really hurt. And it’s not like you made it any better, moving around as much as you did.”

Jasper ignored her tone and gestured to the abdomen and the bandages. “You did this?”

Peridot nodded. “I had a soldier look it over, but she said it was good enough. You’re lucky; it missed any major organs. You should heal up fine in the next month or so.”

Jasper leaned back in her seat, surveying the empty space they passed. “What did I miss?

Peridot launched into story, filling her in. It wasn’t much; they had escaped from their doomed ship and met up with the rest of the fleet far away from the asteroid base. They had looked over Jasper’s wounds and pronounced she would live, and they were travelling with them until they returned to the Mothership.

Returning to the Mothership... Jasper suddenly remembered her duties and reached for her communicator only to realize she didn't have her belt. "Peridot, where's my communicator? I need to file a report to Yellow Diamond."

Peridot almost looked remorseful. "It got destroyed in the explosion. That was partially what got embedded in your arm."

"Oh."

"I took care of your reports though. Yellow Diamond commends your leadership skills and is pleased that the contents of the base got away in time."

 _And hundreds of soldiers died in the process._ Jasper didn't say that. Instead, she just stared out the window, thinking. She saw on the console it would take a month to return to the Mothership; that would make it eight months since she last saw Pearl. She sighed at that thought, longing. Another month.

It passed slowly. Jasper didn’t have much else to do but sleep, annoy Peridot, and daydream about her reunion with Pearl. Usually, she’d be embarrassed to catch herself thinking of something as sappy as that, but she had long since resigned herself to softness when it came to Pearl. Eight months was a long time to pine after someone. Jasper only wished she could call her and let her know she was coming back.

It wasn't until they were four days from returning to the Mothership that things changed. They were both sitting in the cockpit; Peridot on her log, Jasper staring out into space. Jasper was almost fully healed now. The bandages were gone, and all that was left from the wound in her abdomen was a half-healed scar that only hurt when she applied pressure.

A warning light switched on on the console over the engine room. Jasper immediately stood, but Peridot was faster, tossing her log onto her chair and racing out. Jasper let her go. Peridot knew much more than she did about the technicalities of spaceships.

About ten minutes passed in silence before the cockpit was lit up by Peridot’s log. Jasper glanced at it reflectively and froze. It felt like the air had been knocked out of her, like she had gotten punched in the stomach. She just stared.

Because on that screen was Bismuth.

Jasper didn’t move for a long moment, uncomprehending. There was a video from Bismuth on Peridot’s log. Peridot, an Imperial scientist, had a message from a Rebel extremist. Peridot.

And then it seemed to click all at once; when she first brought Pearl to the Mothership and she recognized Peridot, when Peridot was in the prisons, when Peridot was messaging an Amethyst on a private communication line. That Amethyst wasn’t an Imperial soldier. That Amethyst was a Rebel.

Peridot was a Rebel spy.

She seized the log, unlocking it and playing the video with shaking hands. It opened to Bismuth in a smithy, visibly irritated. Jasper’s stomach turned at the sight of her. She seemed to be mulling over her words before she finally looked into the camera and spoke.

“Pearl.”

And with that one word, Jasper felt her stomach sink to her feet.

“I wish I could speak to you face to face, but I guess Peridot hasn’t figured out how to make that untraceable yet, so I’ll just settle for this.” She paused, and then all of a sudden the words rushed out like she had been holding them back. “People like that Jasper disgust me. They’re the worst kind of scum, you hear? I can’t just ignore seeing you like that. Collared? Like someone _owns_ you? That isn’t you, Pearl. You wouldn’t stand for that. You wouldn’t let someone do that to you.

“And I get it. You gotta blend in, you gotta make them think they broke you. But please, Pearl, get out of there before it’s too late. This isn’t good for you. You found out what we needed; you can just come back. Please. We need you here. We need you _safe_ , more than anything.” Bismuth sighed and looked away. “Just… I’m worried, okay? I don’t want you to start thinking that you’re worthless or any of that shit again, ‘cause it’s not true. Don’t let any Imperial garbage make you feel that way.” She sighed again. “Alright. Take care. See you soon.”

The video ended. Jasper stared at the blank screen. She stared and stared until her eyes watered and then for longer, watching the video get transferred to Pearl on Peridot's network. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Her hands were clenching the log tight enough it was shaking.

And then a crack formed in the screen and she felt a torrent of anger burst out from inside of her, rising up and filling her chest with fire. It brewed there, along with hurt and betrayal, thick and bitter as poison. The screen cracked further and she gritted her teeth, wanting to snap it in half, wanting to obliterate it, to destroy it. She just wanted to break something, anything, to find a vent for the anger that was threatening to overtake her.

Pearl was a spy. Pearl didn't care about her; she never did. Pearl had seen her loneliness and her desperation and she had latched onto it and played her like a fool. She had pretended to care about Jasper and Jasper drank it up because she was so pathetically eager to believe it.

Another crack formed. And Jasper fell for it so easily. How stupid was she? Just how lonely, how pathetically desperate was she to believe a high-ranking Rebel would care about her in the first place? That she would ever want anything to do with an Imperial soldier? Pearl had seduced her, she had manipulated her, and Jasper had fallen for it.

Pearl had lied and Jasper believed her.

With a roar Jasper slammed her fist into the wall hard enough that it dented, savoring the white-hot pain that coursed through her fist and the way it stoked her rage. All this time. All this time, it was a lie. All this time, Pearl had lied to her and faked sympathy and interest. And Jasper had trusted her! Jasper had confided in her!

It was down to Jasper's own weakness. Her own fatal flaw. Her own softness. It Jasper's fault, after all, for not foreseeing something so blatantly obvious. She was willfully blind and it cost her dearly. Just for good measure, she punched the wall one more time, seething. The pain lanced up her arm. It wasn't enough.

She heard the door slide open behind her and whirled around to see Peridot, who immediately stepped back. Her eyes darted to the log and her mouth dropped open. "Oh no. Oh no, no, no, Jasper-"

"You little bitch." Jasper hissed. "You Rebel piece of shit. You've been working with her the whole time. You knew. You knew!"

And Jasper advanced upon her faster than she could back up, fueled by rage. "As soon as we get back I'm going to turn you in and let them do whatever the fuck they want with you, you hear? You and that Pearl. You think you can double-cross me? Fuck that!"

Peridot stumbled backward, confused more than anything. "I can explain, Jasper, what did you see? What did Pearl do?"

"What did Pearl do?" Jasper laughed mirthlessly. "She betrayed me. She's a fucking spy and I should have seen it from the start. I committed treason for her! I stood up to Yellow Diamond for her! And she was using me!"

Peridot threw her hands up defensively. "Jasper, she had to! The plan didn't work out; she would have died! If it wasn't for you, she would have!"

Jasper narrowed her eyes. "I'm sure that'll go over well with the Diamonds." She shoved Peridot aside and went back into her sleeping quarters, slamming the door shut. She could hear Peridot pacing around outside it.

"Jasper, she was manipulating you at first. That's true! But ever since you saved her, she's thought of you differently! She really cares about you, Jasper, and she really regrets tricking you!"

Jasper stood in the center of the room, clenching and unclenching her fists. She wanted to stay mad; she wanted to be furious. It was so easy to feel angry. It was so easy to pretend that was all there was, to draw strength from it. But...

"Leave!" Jasper shouted. And Peridot did, just in time for a single dry sob to make it's way out of Jasper's throat. She collapsed in on herself, falling to her knees, suppressing any others that threatened to escape. The lump in her throat felt like a coal she kept forcing herself to swallow.

She didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to admit it, but Pearl's betrayal made her feel like she had been torn in half.

 

Jasper had it all planned out, from start to finish; she had gone over how she would turn in Peridot and sell out Pearl so many times that she could write out her plan. She savored the thought of getting revenge with a cold kind of satisfaction, tempering her anger into bitterness. She relished the idea of throwing her into the cell herself.

So when they returned to the Mothership and saw what waited for them, Jasper could tell from the start it wouldn’t work. She didn’t have time to be angry. She didn’t have time to be petty.

Because a Rebel fleet three times the size of the one she had just faced was flanking the Mothership on all sides. All Jasper could see around it was a sea of floating debris, so thoroughly destroyed she couldn’t tell which side they belonged to, and a hard line of ships formed a wall around the Mothership. Jasper couldn’t tell who was winning.

Jasper whirled around to Peridot, who looked more horrified than ever. “Peridot, what the _hell_ is this?!”

Peridot shook her head, shocked. “I don’t know. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I don’t-”

The communications hub lit up and Jasper connected it, cutting her off. “This is Lieutenant B-6xG, returning from my mission with twenty five battleships. Where are we needed most?”

“Your ships can report to the starboard side. You need come aboard, Lieutenant. It’s too dangerous for you to stay out there.”

Jasper’s brow furrowed. “I need to be able to direct my soldiers. I can’t come aboard.”

“Common protocol, ma’am. You can direct your soldiers from inside. You’re too high-ranking to endanger yourself. Report to Holly Blue Agate upon your return.”

The line was shut off, and Jasper just stared, incredulous. Peridot made a sound that was almost a laugh. “Guess that’s what happens when you’re important.”

Jasper glared at her. “Shut the hell up.”

Jasper watched as a company of Imperial ships shot a barrage at the Rebel line, clearing a path for her. She sped through it before any replacements could come, regret heavy in her stomach. She was abandoning her soldiers out of self-interest. She was leaving them to protect herself.

The vehicle bay was in chaos when she landed. Jasper had never seen so many soldiers and so many ships all at once; Peridot scampered away at her earliest opportunity and was lost in the crowd. Jasper let her go. Suddenly, revenge wasn’t her top priority.

She stopped a soldier running past her in Blue Diamond’s uniform. “Do you know where Holly Blue Agate is?”

“Last I saw, she was heading toward Yellow Diamond’s sector, where all the nice living quarters are. Said something about a Pearl.”

Jasper felt very cold all at once. She nodded her thanks before running off out of the vehicle bay, pushing her way through the sea of people going every which way. Jasper could be making assumptions. There were hundreds of Pearls on the Mothership; it could be any of them. But something told her otherwise. Something told her it was a very specific Pearl. A Pearl who, try as she might to feel otherwise, she still cared deeply about.

Once she was out of the vehicle bay and away from the central hub, it wasn’t as crowded. She didn’t stop running, not until she reached the sector her living quarters were in. There was a crowd around her door. Jasper could hear yelling. She ran faster, shoving aside the soldiers in front and stumbling inside.

She registered what happened next in fragments. Holly Blue, shouting, furious, the whip in her hand. Chairs overturned, furniture scattered. Pearl, pinned to the wall by her neck, scrabbling at the hand that suspended her there. Holly Blue’s hand.

And then Jasper acted on instinct. She dove forward and grabbed Holly Blue by the shoulders, tearing her off and away from Pearl. Pearl collapsed to the ground, gasping, and Holly Blue spun around. A line of fire cut across Jasper’s skin- her cheek, her neck, her shoulder- and she could see the whip arcing through the air. She stumbled back, her hand flying to her cheek. It came back coated in blood.

And Holly Blue was shouting at her now, anger turned on her. “You’re a traitor too, then?! I should have guessed it, ever since you climbed out of that wreck you call a Kindergarten. You probably planned this with your whore Pearl, didn’t you? You helped her, didn’t you? Yellow Diamond was a fool to trust you. Yellow Diamond…”

Holly Blue continued, but Jasper wasn’t listening. She was staring at Pearl, who was still regaining her breath, her mind oddly clear. Everything Pearl had said to her- everything about her worth, her importance, her ability to change- it all coalesced, coming together into something she hadn’t felt in decades. Pearl met her gaze and Jasper felt something build in her. She looked up and let it course through her; it was anger, righteous anger, from a thousand abuses from a hundred years at the hand of this woman, all building up and sharpening into one, concise point: one concise thought. Her heart pounded with the strength of it. Her hands trembled from the force of it.

_Fight back._

“With all the breaks I tried to give you, all the direction, you still turned out like this. You’ve been defective from the start, Beta.”

Jasper felt nothing but hate, twisting and boiling in her veins. She gritted her teeth. “Don’t call me that.”

Holly Blue narrowed her eyes, condescending. “What?”

“Don’t CALL ME THAT!”

And Jasper launched herself forward and grabbed Holly Blue by the collar of her uniform, ramming her against the wall and slamming her fist into her face. Fury, pent up from decades of torment, burst out of her, and with a roar she struck her again, blind with rage. Jasper was tired of this. She was sick of being treated like she was nothing; sick of being treated like a defect; sick of being treated like a mistake. She was done giving into it. She was done submitting to it. She was more than her origins; more than her caste. She was more than the role she had been forced to live.

She was more than what the Imperium told her to be.

Holly Blue wrestled with her, trying to shove her off, but she came back, adrenaline numbing the pain. Holly Blue struck her and she tasted blood. She didn’t relent. All she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears as Jasper went for her again, all she could feel was her wrath and the hammer of her heart in her chest.

But this time, Holly Blue was ready for her. She grabbed her and held her back, face contorted in fury, and brought her in, kneeing her in the abdomen, a hairsbreadth away from her half-healed wound.

And that was it.

Jasper felt the air whoosh out of her as old pain became new, shooting up and constricting her chest, and she sunk forward, overtaken by it. She tried to get a hold of herself, tried to get a hold of what was powering her before, but Holly Blue shoved her down before she could right herself and planted a foot on her back, keeping her crouched and gasping. Her fingers came away from her abdomen smeared with blood; the wound had ripped open again. She just stared at it.

And then came the whip, searing as it cut through her shirt and into her skin. Three lashes in quick succession. Jasper fell forward, head pressed to the metal floor, trying not to make a sound. Trying not to give Holly Blue the satisfaction of hearing her pain.

It continued, hot, thick pain that spread through her body and threatened to overwhelm her. She could feel the whip slice through her back, burning, growing until it was all she could think about, all she could feel. She saw blood drip down onto the floor before she screwed her eyes shut, trying to endure. It was a pain like no other.

Jasper lost count after twenty. After that, she couldn’t stop herself from screaming. It was agony, bloody and hot, and she writhed as it went on. Holly Blue was still shouting, incomprehensible, punctuated by the crack of the whip and the lashes that all bled into each other until Jasper couldn’t distinguish them, until they became a mess of pain and blood and hoarse-throated shouting. She heard someone else yelling- Pearl- and then the whip descended again and Jasper felt everything become distant. The pain faded. Everything faded. She felt like she was being pulled into a black ocean, dark and dense and blissfully numbing.

Jasper succumbed to it.


End file.
